An all new classic ads thread!

[Gurke and Hare]

Almost two hours of adverts and assorted ITV continuity/trailers from 1984-5. Guaranteed nostalgia for those of a certain age (about 50). It's a whole three minutes until someone blacks up and there's some Jim Davidson in there, but it's mostly good stuff.

[Replies From View]

Applemask is a brilliant channel for idents and adverts, especially because the description sections of his videos are delightfully detailed.

Here's a video selected at random from his channel.  It begins with Bernard Cribbins being "Horby sized":

Brilliant summary work:

Zulu Dawn's third commercial break starts with another Hornby train set advert with a mini-Cribbins wandering around the set itself. It's a clever way of showing off the arse-aching detail in the models, and the CSO's more impressive than it ever was in Doctor Who until...possibly the 2005 revival, actually. This time he's not menaced by a giant cat, he's helping out some tiny plastic beefcake construction workers.

And now, an extremely Christmassy advert just in time for Boxing Day when everyone's sick of it. Yes, it's another sale, or possibly several, at Barkers of Kensington and various London-based branches of Army and Navy, both then owned by House of Fraser. Barkers was a prestigious department store back when those were a thing. It died in 2006, a year after the House killed off the Army and Navy name. No flowers. Here they are in happier times using an overstretched and confusing cake-making metaphor and a guest appearance from Krusher Kringle himself.

A river bridge, yesterdaNOW IS THE TIME TO DROP US A LINE. Those cutoff-prevention segments could be quite startling sometimes. Anyway it's Boxing Day so it's time to plan your next holiday, and you might could go to Norfolk to pootle around in a boat on the Broads. We did, a few years later. It wasn't with Hoseasons, though, but it wouldn't have made much difference if it had been. It looked pretty similar, as I recall. "Comforts galore" means a tablecloth, apparently. It's not just Norfolk, of course, but everywhere else has locks every half mile. Ring now for a brochure. Boat.

Next, the famous advert for Olympus cameras, with a wedding photographer patronising David Bailey, to the consternation of Phil Daniels. What's Bailey even doing there? The wedding's obviously hired this douche as its photographer, and it doesn't look like the kind of affair that could afford Bailey's rates anyway. Is he just unable to pass a function without photographing it? Either way, Olympus aren't in the camera business anymore, because phones. Millennials killed them. Or Zoomers. Isn't everything their fault now that millennials are heading for middle age?

Then: a PIF! It's still Christmas season, so drinking and driving is still a thing in the main. In ten years time, the commercial breaks will be full of sobbing three-year olds, traumatised firemen and bereft mothers (and in twenty years, twisted metal, bloodstained asphalt and oxygen masks). At this end of the decade, though, it's more of a misdemeanour, at least as far as COI seem to have been concerned. Here's a lanky twat with 1980 written all over his hairstyle and dress sense, endlessly talking on the phone to his mates who are all off having a nice time while he's begging his sister and, worse, parents for lifts. Because he got done, dinnee? Presumably he didn't kill anyone, or he'd be doing 3 to 10 for vehicular manslaughter right now. Instead he's just lost his licence, his car (to pay the fine), his girlfriend (to someone with a motor) and he basically winds up on the naughty step, having learned a valuable lesson about the reliability of minicabs. Still, like I said, in ten years he'd be stammering desperate apologies to the corpse of Denise Van Outen, so he should count himself lucky.

CRIBBINS RETURNS. Narrating an advert for Boots and their legendary photo developing service!  It seems impossibly distant, not to mention primitive, in this day and age, but this is how cameras used to work, everyone! Cribbins carefully doesn't mention how long it takes - they did have a 1 hour service, but I doubt this is it. You do get a quid off, though. That was a lot of money in those days. No, really, I looked it up, and one pound in 1980 is around a fiver now.

And because it's Christmas, have a Rennie. Richard Briers presents a couple of scenarios, which are shown in a sort of Brechtian minimalist mis-en-scene, as you do, and evokes indigestion through a Sid James impression that really does effectively mirror the feel of a giant fart deflating in the stomach. So that's nice. You'll notice that Rennies barely have anything resembling a box design at this point.

Finally, just a reminder to go on holiday. But not abroad. If you promise to stay within the British Isles, you can phone this mysterious number to get a massive wodge of brochures. It doesn't say whose number it is. Call it and find out. At worst, you've got some papier-mâché supplies.

[holdover]

That's clearly not Cribbins on the Boots advert though. Sounds like Richard Briers.

[Replies From View]

Sounds like Cribbins in the Boots one to me, but if it's not then Richard Briers has doubled up since he does the advert immediately after it (allowing a very easy voice comparison between the two).  Same difference.

[holdover]

You're absolutely correct. I'm clearly a hungover fuckwit.

[jamiefairlie]

That last one's great, "fancy a holiday? Phone here and ask for a holiday! We'll send you one right away for just 6 new pounds. Have a great holiday!"

[Gurke and Hare]

Boycie getting kneed in the balls for being an office sex pest, starting at 4.50.

[Glebe]

Thanks to Replies mentioning the legendary  (on CaB) Little & Large 'Mm, bubbly chocolate' thing in another thread I've discovered a recently-uploaded different version of the Bobby McFerrin Cadbury's ad (the other one is set on a train):

[Gurke and Hare]

Nicholas Lyndhurst and Pogo Patterson advertise Spangles

[Glebe]

Nicholas Lyndhurst and Pogo Patterson advertise Spangles

Crikey that's a young Lyndhurst! It actually looks more like an early '80s rather than 70s ad in a way.

[Gurke and Hare]

Crikey that's a young Lyndhurst!

And yet Pogo Patterson is ageless, and probably still looks like that today.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Pogo Paterson can't have been much older than 6 in that ad.

[Glebe]

Had completely forgotten about them Chocolate Orange ads that riffed on Raiders of the Lost Ark until world-renowned Noel Edmonds expert Stuart Millard brought them up in a recent YT vid!

Also that Typhoo ad with the gnu. Fucker thinks he's Noel Coward.

[Easy_To_Assemble]

I've noticed they've resurrected the old Toys R'US advert from the 80s/90's. I always thought the lyric was "There's millions of debris all under one roof", and somehow, never thought to question why they would refer to their own stock as debris.

[Glebe]

"There's millions," says Jeffrey, "all under one roof!"

[Catalogue Trousers]

I remember Punt making fun of the Weetabix gang ("a thug in the breakfast bowl!").

There was also an ad for something with a man talking to his parrot, going "Talk to daddy!"...

First, a quick correction of a popular misconception: Bob Hoskins didn't provide the main voiceover for the Weetabix skinheads ads. It was Christopher Ellison.

Secondly, not a parrot but a toucan, but could this be what you remember?

Or one of the Guinness toucan ads, anyway. There's one where his owner is trying to catch him out with football trivia, for example. Toucan's voice by Bernard Cribbins!

[Glebe]

That's not it CT but thanks anyhoo!

[Sonny_Jim]

"There's millions," says Jeffrey, "all under one roof!"

Yeah why can't he tell us that himself, what's he hiding?  Couple of corpses behind the flat pack wendy houses, that's what.  Leftovers from the great 'Tracy Island' stampede of '92.  You wanna check his harddrives mate.

Great, huh?

Presses 7 repeatedly

[Oosp]

I've got lots of Irish ad breaks (+ a smattering of closedowns + continuity) for you from the 80s. Many of the aforementioned gems are here, plus a wealth of cut-price local business ads, usually reeled off in bulk by the same voice actor and sandwiched between the "real" ads from the UK and beyond. So much gold. Hook this shit to my veins

Selected 80s ad breaks:

Channels:
YouTube: 3castle
YouTube: TV CLASSICS IRELAND

Playlists:
Irish agriculture based ads and PIFs from 70s onwards

Classic Irish animated ads

RTÉ ad breaks 1980-82

Classic Irish drink ads

RTÉ 80s/90s ad breaks and assorted vintage clips

[George White]

I've got lots of Irish ad breaks (+ a smattering of closedowns + continuity) for you from the 80s. Many of the aforementioned gems are here, plus a wealth of cut-price local business ads, usually reeled off in bulk by the same voice actor and sandwiched between the "real" ads from the UK and beyond. So much gold. Hook this shit to my veins

Selected 80s ad breaks:

 

Ah, from 3.52, Twink and Jonathan Ryan as Bernie and Rose Violet.
GOd, why Twink isn't the subject of fascination for a Little and Large-length thread on here, God knows why?

[buttgammon]

While we're on Irish ads, there's one my partner and I are looking for. Her dad was in a Bass advert in the 80s or 90s in a scene that showed people drinking in a pub but because it was broadcast either before she was born or when she was very young, she's never seen it. He says it was shot somewhere in Dublin City centre, possibly O'Donoghues. I've found at least ten Bass ads on Youtube but none of them are the right one.

[Shaxberd]

Recent Jake the Peg discussion dredged this advert from the depths of my memory:

This ran relentlessly during CITV ad breaks during a period in the late 90s, not that I can recall ever seeing the product itself on sale.

Jake the Peg reconfigured for a character with no legs whatsoever, narrated/sung by someone doing a Kenneth Williams impersonation, to a child audience who likely would recognise neither.

It's stuck in my head again now and soon will be in yours. Wibble wobble wibble wum.

[Sonny_Jim]

someone doing a Kenneth Williams impersonation,

Chris Barrie? But then the voice at the end definitely isn't him so unlikely. Fuck it I'll look it up:

According to here (which seems to be uploaded by the director), it's voiced by Enn Reitel.  No, me neither.

[George White]

Oh, Enn Reitel is one of those great 'nearly men' of British comedy. A regular Spitting Image voice, he's since moved to the States and done voice work on everything, but there was a period in the 80s where he was a hot young British sitcom face. Dida lot of sticoms, notably Central's Mog and the C4 weirdness the Optimist.

[Glebe]

I've got lots of Irish ad breaks (+ a smattering of closedowns + continuity) for you from the 80s.

Zip firelighters! Busker bars!

According to here (which seems to be uploaded by the director), it's voiced by Enn Reitel.  No, me neither.

Oh, Enn Reitel is one of those great 'nearly men' of British comedy. A regular Spitting Image voice, he's since moved to the States and done voice work on everything, but there was a period in the 80s where he was a hot young British sitcom face. Dida lot of sticoms, notably Central's Mog and the C4 weirdness the Optimist.

Funnily enough I just looked up this guy recently - he voices Alfred in the Batman Telltale games. And apparently he was - wait for it - second choice to play Del Boy!

As to Twink, she's prolly a bit obscure for a lot of yon CaB Brits?

[George White]

Yes, there's not enough Irish people to make her a thing on here.
But then again, Marty Morrissey became a thing, too.

[Glebe]

But then again, Marty Morrissey became a thing, too.

True enough!

[billyandthecloneasaurus]

Probably not the right thread, but there's a new Chicken Royale Burger King advert that's WELL empire.

588
2300

rooooooyale

[DrGreggles]

Anyone know of any batshit OTT American patriotic adverts?
I want put together a 5-6 minute compilation, but it's a tricky thing to filter a YouTube search for.

[Glebe]

The figs thread has led to me unearthing this forgotten classic!: