Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021

Started by canadagoose, April 04, 2021, 03:22:41 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

canadagoose

Can't believe we've not had one of these this year yet. Either that, or we have, and Google hasn't indexed it yet.

When I was in Boots earlier today, I was walking past a guy stacking the bottom shelf, with his arse sticking out. I couldn't stop thinking what would happen if I just "accidentally" gave him a gentle boot up the bum. Obviously I wasn't going to do it, because he didn't deserve it and I'm not a total arsehole (well, usually). The thought just seemed funny at the time.

bgmnts

Genuinely fantasised about killing someone the other day. Just walking past them and jamming a knife in their throat and walking away, totally random.

Consoling myself that these intrusive thoughts are fine.

You had the chance to call this 'Rita's Mad Thoughts' and you blew it, canadagoose.


Sometimes, when my cat is sitting at the top of the stairs, it flashes in my mind to kick him like a rugby ball. And sometimes, when my cat is curled up on my bed, it flashes in my mind to throw him against the wall.[nb]like a fluffy, four-legged dart[/nb]

These are just flashes, mind. But even if I did it it wouldn't matter because he is male and I am a misandrist. Fuck men. My cat is the oppressor.

When I see a single duck swim past on a river, often I start planning how I'm gonna get it home.

Chedney Honks

Quote from: bgmnts on April 04, 2021, 03:24:45 PM
Genuinely fantasised about killing someone the other day. Just walking past them and jamming a knife in their throat and walking away, totally random.

Consoling myself that these intrusive thoughts are fine.

I do this all the time. It's normal to want to right a few wrongs.

icehaven

Quote from: Scarlet Intangible on April 04, 2021, 05:02:54 PM
You had the chance to call this 'Rita's Mad Thoughts' and you blew it, canadagoose.


Sometimes, when my cat is sitting at the top of the stairs, it flashes in my mind to kick him like a rugby ball. And sometimes, when my cat is curled up on my bed, it flashes in my mind to throw him against the wall.[nb]like a fluffy, four-legged dart[/nb]

These are just flashes, mind. But even if I did it it wouldn't matter because he is male and I am a misandrist. Fuck men. My cat is the oppressor.

:|

Poobum

My initial reaction to anything cute is wanting to hug it till it bursts, pick it up and scream at it, or kick it out a window. When my guinea pigs run to me wheaking there heads off I often imagine drop kicking them over the fence, I never question why.

I had a mad thought that genuinely upset me, it was after holding a tarantula, where I imagined myself putting it on the floor and stamping its guts out; the imagined reaction of horror, betrayed trust, and anger caused a genuine spike in anxiety.


wrec

Quote from: Poobum on April 05, 2021, 12:23:18 PM
I had a mad thought that genuinely upset me, it was after holding a tarantula, where I imagined myself putting it on the floor and stamping its guts out; the imagined reaction of horror, betrayed trust, and anger caused a genuine spike in anxiety.

It would probably be dead before having a chance to feel any of those emotions

An tSaoi

April 08, 2021, 07:52:15 PM #9 Last Edit: April 08, 2021, 08:06:58 PM by An tSaoi
Driving home. Big truck coming the other way. "What would happen if I crossed into the other lane at the last second? I'd be killed dead hahaha"

Man walking a dog on the hard shoulder. "All it takes is one wee turn of the wheel. Ah got ya, ya cunt!".

I actually jiggled the wheel a bit as I passed.

Another driving one: you have to press a button to open the gate at work. Stupidly, the button is on the passenger side, so you have to get out and walk round. There's one guy always shows up just before me. I'd love to just drive up to him and slowly pin him up against the gate. He'd be hunched over the dash, looking at me, in incredible pain, wondering what the fuck is wrong with me, and I'd just blow the horn and keep inching forward until he died. Or maybe I'd wave at him. "Well lad, what's the craic?" "Argh eurgh fuck oh god!" hahahaha

My thoughts don't go as far as what would happen next. I'd probably get the sack or something.

Poobum


wrec

Quote from: Poobum on April 09, 2021, 11:29:08 AM
I refute.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4DjMYn7SIU

Caught a few mice in traps recently and when disposing of them my main fear was that they'd pull off something like this, either involuntarily or as a calculated act of vengeance

Hello father. Forgive me, for I have sinned with my brain:


I sometimes - when I see a lorry with big wheels coming 'towards' me (when I'm walking) - imagine what it would be like to dive head first into them.

And I sometimes - as I am walking down the stairs - imagine myself falling down the stairs.



And also - most despicably - I once walked past a very pretty garden, with lots of beautiful flowers - all neatly arranged - and I thought about sneaking there in the dead of night and tearing all of the flowers to shreds (and dumping them in a pile in the middle of the garden), and how whoever lived there would find them in the morning - with utter disbelief - and be maybe livid or distraught; and the thought of that, as I walked past the garden, made me actually laugh, out loud, in the street, like an actual mad person.


NOW DO YOU FORGIVE ME?

(SAY HI TO CHERYL AND THE KIDS, BY THE WAY. AND REMEMBER I AM FREE TO BABYSIT WHENEVER YOU WANT. JUST SAY.)

icehaven

Went for a long canal side walk with Mr. Haven the other day, and every time he peered in to see if he could see any fish I desperately wanted to just give him a little shove so he splooshed in.

Thomas

scissors in the bathroom

willy in the bathroom

snip willy

Fambo Number Mive

Quote from: Thomas on April 14, 2021, 09:57:45 AM
scissors in the bathroom

willy in the bathroom

snip willy

The Beat consider rewrite.

buttgammon

Quote from: Thomas on April 14, 2021, 09:57:45 AM
scissors in the bathroom

Slap me on the patio, I'll take it now.

Cuellar

Them: "[Old PE teacher who was a prick] died suddenly the other day. Heart attack"
Others:"ah that's a shame"
Me (too cowardly to send it to the group chat): "Cya mate! 😂😂😂"

Custard

April 29, 2021, 05:32:06 PM #18 Last Edit: April 29, 2021, 06:04:31 PM by Shameless Custard
New noisy neighbours downstairs, a small young family. Just constant door slamming and them generally existing

During a particularly noisy moment I found myself telling Mrs Custard how I could maybe slice up his wife and kid with a Stanley knife one enchanted evening, and then use it to pin the kid to his door, as a welcome home present for when he gets back from work. Maybe use the blood to scrawl "NO MORE NOISE PLEASE" on his door above the carcass

She actually laughed, which I didn't expect. Maybe it was out of shock

Would never do such a thing, obviously. Just a mad thought. Probably too much Limmy. Or sugar

Kicking kittens, though? I'm feeling like a saint, compared

I still get the old mad thought of suddenly sticking a pint glass in someone's neck as we're happily chatting in the pub. A sticky bloody Heineken neck as the life drains from their panicked, confused face. Told you beer gardens were trouble. When the rozzers come, just blame it on forgetting to bring your sunhat

Dex Sawash

Think sometimes of doing my own edit glitch sock account.
Edit Glitch Terminator, possibly.

I was getting the paper coffee filters out the other day and I wondered how many I'd have to eat for it to be a fatal dose.

Endicott

I regularly walk past a garden where the owner obviously looks after it quite well. There's some plants in it, no idea what they are but they look like 5 foot high carrot tops. I would like to leave a 3 foot plastic carrot in the garden one night. If it had bites out of it like in Bugs Bunny so much the better. Got as far as googling to see if such a thing exists but couldn't find one.

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: Endicott on May 10, 2021, 04:56:57 PM
I regularly walk past a garden where the owner obviously looks after it quite well. There's some plants in it, no idea what they are but they look like 5 foot high carrot tops. I would like to leave a 3 foot plastic carrot in the garden one night. If it had bites out of it like in Bugs Bunny so much the better. Got as far as googling to see if such a thing exists but couldn't find one.

Once poured 4 boxes of golden graham's on someone's gold pebble driveway

THIS'LL BLOW HIS GODDAMNED MIND

my idiot brain thought

Cuellar

Gas hob is sort of waist height. Turn the big ring on. Consider placing penis into flame.

PlanktonSideburns

Hobnob


How's it waist height? U giant?

Endicott

He stands on a box. Although, not his own penis.

Cuellar

Not giant as such, 6'1" - but it's waist height enough that I could do it. But I won't. But I might.

bgmnts

Could we built a giant space magnifying glass and melt the moon?


Stoneage Dinosaurs

Before covid I had 1:1 meetings in person with my boss. I often very briefly fantasised that when my boss interrogated me about my work and the progress of it, I would pause, lean towards him and lick his face. Not in a sexual way or anything, just that it would be funny to have a big wet sloppy tongue going MLAAAAARGH from chin to hair. To be fair it would be a more satisfying response than "yeah sorry I will do my work better next time sorry sir"