News:

"At Christmas I no more desire a rose Than wish a snow in May's new-fangled mirth; But like of each thing that in season grows."


The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW: HAHALLOWEEN III: Shriekin’ of the Witch

Started by The Mollusk, August 23, 2021, 07:16:40 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Replies From View




Replies From View

Quote from: Rich Uncle Skeleton on November 23, 2021, 12:49:16 PMI'm calling the police.

Well then the joke is on you because it is a package from your Aunt containing 36 thousand dollars!!

Replies From View


Zetetic

Quote from: Dex Sawash on November 20, 2021, 03:19:05 PMIn the industry we call this a twofer. Gets rid of a headache car and customer in one shot. Not good for garage liability insurance rates if you do it often.

@Dex Sawash makes me giggle quite a lot.

flotemysost

Quote from: Midas on November 23, 2021, 09:26:25 PMBeen thinking of renewing mine early because the snap of my face ended up looking a bit distorted, and now I seem to be the subject of long, drawn-out facial inspections every time I need to show it. A woman the other week was actually holding it up by my cheek, and made me stand at the self-checkouts ridiculously contorting my face, while she stroked her chin and sceptically muttered, "Hmm... the man in the picture looks more hunched over..." She ended up calling over a colleague to confer with, while everyone else kept glancing at me like I was a shoplifter, and also (I suspect) privately judging my shopping bags stuffed full of booze and goodies.

I'm not even entirely sure this is real, but the deliciously petty absurdity of a checkout assistant not believing that your passport photo is really you because the headshot "looks more hunched over" really ticked me just now.


Midas


buttgammon

Quote from: Goldentony on November 24, 2021, 09:30:53 AMbrings a soldering iron from machine mart, goes och aye gonnae kill the dug wae fuckin solderin iron wee man and during the interview with john desmond furrfwank from the water board goes here wee man yer fuckin patters shite gonnae solder this fuckin dog, fuck up a minute

Some more classic GT going down in this thread!


Sonny_Jim

Quote from: JamesTC on November 24, 2021, 11:36:50 AMGlinner's latest attempt to wring money from pensioners is with a Christmas album. Due for release in December!
Click on 'Quote from' to witness the glorious Glinner Xmas CD, or don't if you're sick of hearing about Glinner.

Retinend



AllisonSays

Quote from: Goldentony on November 24, 2021, 08:47:22 PMremember years ago seeing a rockabilly band make some offhanded crack about God and someone in the front couldnt resist going ERR HE DOESNT EXIST and the singer kind of perched over from the stage towering above and went HE LIVES ON IN YOUR FUCKING HEART YOU LITTLE GOBSHITE over the mic with tons of reverb, great night out

Another winner from the inimitable Goldentony



Glebe


Sonny_Jim

From the 'Willy Wonka keeps on shouting at the Oompa Loompas' thread:
Quote from: Mr Farenheit on November 25, 2021, 01:55:14 AMHAVE YOU SEEN THIS?? HAVE YOU?? (shakes copy of Modern Chocolatier) WELL????
~
WELL???
God, give me STRENGTH!!!
(walking allong line of Ooompa Loompas, emphassing each syllable with a whack in the side of the head from the rolled up magazine) DO - AN - NY- OF - YOU - EV - EN - RRRRREAD - THE - CHOC - O- LATE - PRESS???
~
LOOK AT THE COVER!!! This.... BASTARD AGAIN! (sarcastic tone of voice)"Jan unveils his latest creation- A chocolate powerboat"
THAT'S HIS FOURTH COVER THIS YEAR!!! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WONKA WAS ON THE COVER?? EH??!!
-1970s sir
WE USED TO BE ON THE COVER EVERY OTHER MONTH!! 1978- TEN COVERS WITH WONKA ON IT, NO-ONE'S EVER DONE THAT. And since then...WHAT?? NOTHING!!! NOOOOOOTTTHIIIIINGGGG!
BORING concepts, CRAPPY, CHEAP packaging, SLOPPY PRODUCTION.....YOU USELESS SONS OF BITCHES.... YOU KEEP FUCKIN UP!
LOOK AT HIM! LOOOK! (pushes picture of a grinning Jan into an Oompa Loompa's face) HE'S LAUGHING AT US... AND LOOK AT THAT BOAT, ITS SHIT!- ITS JUST THE HELICHOCTER WITH THE TOP HALF CUT OFF AND A 'PORTHOLE' ON THE SIDE....HOW IS THAT A POWER-BOAT???
WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT LADS, We can do better...... we USED to be better ... we used to be the best... (sobbing) what happened?
what happened to this chocolate factory?


icehaven


shiftwork2


buttgammon


imitationleather




pigamus


Dex Sawash

Quote from: pigamus on November 26, 2021, 12:42:41 PMI don't get it


Trimmed context quote


Quote from: Mobius on November 25, 2021, 07:54:44 PMmy local McDonalds because the woman who cleans the tables won't leave me alone on my lunch break.

now she's got my name. and by coincidence her cat's name is my name,

pigamus