The Great British Bake-Off 2021

[gilbertharding]

Yeah, on more than one occasion it's been stated that it doesn't matter what you've done before, they only count what you've made on the day.  And then they go and say the only one with a disappointing bake was Jurgen but ahhhhh he's done good things before so he stays.

I thought they meant that they'd done good stuff in the bakes other than the show stopper.

[convulsivespace]

They should have just put everyone through to the next episodes, there's no reason they couldn't have, but I don't think the result was suspicious. Lizzie's ice cream sandwiches were subpar, she nuked her vegan sausage rolls, and they said the flavors of her showstopper weren't great even though the decoration was finally spot on. The two best bakes of the episode were Chigs's showstopper and Giuseppe's ice cream sandwiches.

It is arguably a little suspicious that they let Jurgen peddle soiled sausage rolls without even a comment from Noel and Matt. I thought for sure they were going to stop the judges at the last minute and tell them they couldn't eat those because they had fallen on the floor, but no!

[dissolute ocelot]

It is arguably a little suspicious that they let Jurgen peddle soiled sausage rolls without even a comment from Noel and Matt. I thought for sure they were going to stop the judges at the last minute and tell them they couldn't eat those because they had fallen on the floor, but no!

Yeah, the floor sausage rolls were a bit weird. They did look quite smashed up, but they didn't show what happened to them, either Jurgen straightening them up or binning them. Haven't people who've dropped stuff on the floor been forced to exhibit sad mess for judgment on appearance only (same as with raw stuff)? I wondered if there was some behind the scenes jiggery-pokery; there wouldn't be time for him to do it all again before judging; maybe they got the ones the home economist had made beforehand for Prue to coo over, and roughed them up a bit. Or wiped them off with wet wipes. Or they just have a supply of sausage rolls in varying states of chaos in case of emergency. The other explanation is that the floor is very clean, but there are still hygiene rules, people walking over it.

[Dex Sawash]

I'm a firm believer that kitchen floor is probably the best thing that has happened to any food along the way from farm/lab to table.

[dissolute ocelot]

Finally! One of the best moments of TV of the year was when everyone except Jurgen got a Paul Hollywood handshake. Jurgen has got quite far with a methodical approach and ability to follow a recipe, but his early exoticism has worn off in a slew of polo shirts and workmanlike bakes. I'm mainly sad he didn't go last week, because I'd love to see Lizzie do all the finicky patisserie with hilarious consequences. 5 hours in the tent and she'd be lying in a pool of creme pat singing The Greatest Showman. Jurgen's belly was never going to look convincing in Waitrose Magazine, so he had to go next. Everyone who remains you'd be honoured to have open your cupcakatorium.

The final is looking very open. Giuseppe has had a few slip-ups, while Crystelle is capable of great things but also of trying to blow Paul Hollywood up with insane amounts of chilli. So either way good to have her. And Chigs is just Chigs, innee?

[bgmnts]

Jurgen was my favourite but they just couldn't have him win, he doesnt fit the profile.

[mothman]

Card was marked the instant he failed to win German Week.

[daf]

Crystelle is capable of great things but also of trying to blow Paul Hollywood

If only Jürgen had thought of that!

[jamiefairlie]

Crystelle is a major pain, all that shocked face over acting shite, can't stand that crap.

[The Mollusk]

Hardest challenge any of these bakers ever have to face is forcing a grin and not telling Noel to fuck off out of their lives forever when he's looming inches away from their faces pretending to make a banter back-and-forth which is actually one-sided tragically humourless fucking piss drivel. He sets people up for a space to respond to his crap but then barks a punchline over their reactions and walks away guffawing to himself. It's embarrassing and unbearable. Jurgen is the only one out of all of them who showed an inkling towards getting annoyed with him here in his final week and for that alone he gets my respect.

[Mr Trumpet]

[sad trombone noises]

[bgmnts]

Jurgen basically telling Noel Fielding to fuck off was so cathartic and beautiful and it wouldnt surprise me if that's why he was gone.

The Paul Hollywood handshake seems like such a shitty little power play, like "yeah it's my decision that matters dont even listen to what the woman says."

[Blue Jam]

The Paul Hollywood handshake seems like such a shitty little power play, like "yeah it's my decision that matters dont even listen to what the woman says."

Great excuse for him to touch Crystelle as well.

Auf wiedersehen then, Werner Ziiieeeeegler. Gone before he could build a gingerbread model of the Sydney Opera House and have Paul Hollywood shout "TAKE IT DOWN".

[dissolute ocelot]

Jurgen basically telling Noel Fielding to fuck off was so cathartic and beautiful and it wouldnt surprise me if that's why he was gone.

The Paul Hollywood handshake seems like such a shitty little power play, like "yeah it's my decision that matters dont even listen to what the woman says."

Definitely. I'd love to see unfiltered footage of the decision-making to see how much it's just Hollywood shouting "I WANT HIM! NOT HER!" Of course there could be an all-powerful producer dictating to them, but Hollywood's been there from the start and definitely sees himself as Mr Bake Off. Lots of stories about Hollywood hating or fancying contestants, nothing about Prue. To say nothing of how he intimidates contestants with all the things he doesn't like, such as his opposition to gherkins when they did burgers. You're not Simon Cowell, mate, no matter how many ex-girlfriends with NDAs you leave in your wake. Sack him.

[confettiinmyhair]

I hope Chigs wins, but I also don't believe his story about only picking up baking during the lockdown. There's a bit of a ringer vibe to him.

[Ignatius_S]

I hope Chigs wins, but I also don't believe his story about only picking up baking during the lockdown. There's a bit of a ringer vibe to him.

Are you sure about that? I might have missed him saying about that but a bit surprised that no one else on the show has commented upon it.

[dissolute ocelot]

I hope Chigs wins, but I also don't believe his story about only picking up baking during the lockdown. There's a bit of a ringer vibe to him.

He might have been a keen amateur cook before who did lots of other cooking, I've not heard anything about that; he's mentioned he started baking bread in lockdown, so it's possible he'd never really tried bread but he still knew his way around a kitchen, follow recipes, make desserts, etc. TV shows like a story to sum up a contestant (vegan, cop, German...), because otherwise he's not that interesting.

[gilbertharding]

To say nothing of how he intimidates contestants with all the things he doesn't like, such as his opposition to gherkins when they did burgers. You're not Simon Cowell, mate, no matter how many ex-girlfriends with NDAs you leave in your wake. Sack him.

Yeah - this really, really pisses me off - when 'judges' on these things talk about things they like or don't like. Mate - it's not about THAT. You're supposed to be a judge, not a five year old at a birthday party. How well did the competitor fulfil their brief? Did they make any mistakes?

[Norton Canes]

Spoiler alert

Ha, total Devon Loch

[close]

[daf]

Spoiler alert

Chigs Woz Robbed!

[close]

[Blue Jam]

...so Giuseppe was last in the Technical and did the least impressive Showstopper? This is BULLSHIT

...although he was my fave of the three finalists and I'm glad he won. Nice one G-man.

[Pijlstaart]

When I was young I recall father took me to a mockup industrial revolution village. We went to a ropemakers and I pointed at the ropemaking machine and squeaked "Look at it. That's what I am." Never before or since have I felt such a sense of belonging in the world, never since until I watched the final of bakeoff, having missed the last episode to hear everyone chant in unison "Nobody likes an overachiever". In the vast cold world there is a divot just for me, I've found it and clambered inside and now I am where I've always needed to be. Watching the velveteen tunnel-tugger don a mock-the-week party shirt to denote his presumed ascendancy to baffling permanence on the tv landscape, only to be repeatedly custard-pied by the collective tent and cast out has been my rejuvenation. That'll teach him to be good at baking. His whiskery head has disappeared into the mole-hill one last time, it will be cemented over and there he shall stay in the dark. God is dead, in my sperm he may be born again only to die anew.

Sets up a competitive final, particularly now the real winner isn't there. Noel Fielding ramping up the obnoxiousness to uncharted levels, mutton dressed as lamb but he knows he can't stop, if a producer suspects how tired he is, his secret love of footstools and C&A, that contract isn't getting renewed. Imagine being alone in the hotel room after that debasement, mid-50s, fishing loose change from the folds of your paunch, change you jiggled for, change you begged for, he must despise himself. I know I do.

Did you see the production team gathered out on the grass afterwards, cow-print dungarees and aviators, the worst of shoreditch, Christ's love is pushing them into a canal.

Chigs always seemed like the sort without a father figure, great to have my prejudices confirmed and I see no reason to second-guess myself in any walk of life. Wonder why he baked a forest of cocks?

Cassamo rotting in a gaudy mafioso den, liver spots and piano wire abound. "Gooeysippy, now choo are de greatest baker", he burbles from the grease trap, he'll regret saying that when the final airs, charcoal buns and a wonky carrot cake, heart attack in the orange grove.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

[Huxleys Babkins]

Was an underbaked focaccia a worse crime than burnt Belgian buns? Apparently so, but how would you know? Focaccia's just soft greasy muck at the best of times.

Still, Crystelle is guaranteed some sort of media gig isn't she? Not sure about Chigs. Didn't really have much going on did he? No kids, no partner, no interests, too menacing to do the Liam role on Junior Bake-Off. Facially very similar to this lad too:

Still, Giuseppe's a worthy winner if you take the whole series into account. Can understand why his bakes were so neat now; had it beaten into him by his craftsman father. Nice to see him fucking off back to Italy with his spoils. Can sell his books to the mugs back in Blighty, whilst living it up off the profits in the Med.

As a footnote, I spotted an ad in my local Sainsburys for this:

https://diverseabilities.org.uk/puddingworkshop

£45 a head for a Christmas Pudding cookery masterclass, hosted by a woman who can barely cook?

[Norton Canes]

Was an underbaked a raw focaccia a worse crime than burnt Belgian buns?

Yes

[Huxleys Babkins]

Underbaked, raw, all the fucking same with focaccia. Fuckoffccia, more like.

[JesusAndYourBush]

burnt Belgian buns

It annoyed me when afterwards he said he didn't know what happened, when we saw him deliberately leave them in for longer just to make sure they were done because he said he had no clue how they were supposed to look.

[Huxleys Babkins]

And he was staring at them too. He literally watched them burn and was like "this is absolutely fine and I'm happy for this to be the final thing my elderly father sees as he breathes his last and slips away".

[Gurke and Hare]

They weren't burnt though. They were overcooked, and a darker shade of brown than the others but they weren't burnt.

[mothman]

There were definitely a few near-blackened edges.

[dissolute ocelot]

Underbaked, raw, all the fucking same with focaccia. Fuckoffccia, more like.

Crystelle's fate was sealed when she poured a bottle of oil over the raw foccaccia, saying the secret was gallons of oil, so she had been told earlier in the contest.

It's hard to complain about the result. But I would have liked to know who was 3rd, send someone home before the big announcement, a bit more humiliation. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spatula. Kiss the spat