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The Great British Bake-Off 2021

Started by Blue Jam, September 14, 2021, 09:54:29 AM

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jamiefairlie

Quote from: Blue Jam on September 29, 2021, 10:14:08 PM
Not now there isn't. Awww, I liked Jairzeno but that rainbow shipwreck sealed his fate. Back to his cute dog and pixellated books now.

I hope they have a run of contestants with slightly misspelled Brazilian footballers names e.g. Raviolnho, Polo, Soco, Ronalado

They need to ban scientists and engineers from Bake Off. They've found all the chest codes to baking. Jurgen is a cert for the final and we are only in week two.

gilbertharding

Characterising people based on national stereotypes is obviously deeply problematic, but it's hard not to, when the German one is working to the finest engineering tolerances, and the Italian one is (from what I've seen) producing bakes which define the word sprezzatura.

And his name is Giuseppe, the most Italian of names.

DoesNotFollow

Extra Slice is making such a big thing of the 'saying Jammie Dodgers without saying Jammie Dodgers'. But they weren't even making Jammie Dodgers were they!? Aside from the heart-shaped hole what they were making was more akin to Fox's jam and cream biscuits. Unless there's a brand of Jammie Dodger that does have cream, in which case call me a prick.

daf

October 01, 2021, 09:41:22 PM #65 Last Edit: October 02, 2021, 12:06:13 AM by daf
Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on October 01, 2021, 02:26:30 PM
And his name is Giuseppe, the most Italian of names.

His name is Giuseppe,
the most Italian of names.
The Great British Bake Off
was his 15 minutes of fame.
With oily crinkly barnet
and natty ol' moustache,
Leaning Tower of Pizza,
Spaghetti pie and mash.

Mr Trumpet

Crystelle and her sisters Chantelle and Coral (or whatever they were called) need to get together with Twayne, Tremaine and Tristan off Gogglebox

JesusAndYourBush

Quote from: DoesNotFollow on October 01, 2021, 08:55:59 PM
Extra Slice is making such a big thing of the 'saying Jammie Dodgers without saying Jammie Dodgers'. But they weren't even making Jammie Dodgers were they!? Aside from the heart-shaped hole what they were making was more akin to Fox's jam and cream biscuits. Unless there's a brand of Jammie Dodger that does have cream, in which case call me a prick.

I assume it was just a bit of schtick and they would have been allowed to say Jammie Dodgers, because when they played that biscuit game no not that one they named a whole bunch of other biscuit names, plus Jammie Dodger did get mentioned a few times anyway.

Maybe they had to keep brand names out of the main show because it's sold overseas whereas Extra Slice most likely isn't.

jamiefairlie

JDs are the shitest biscuits anyway, always left gathering biscuit dust at the bottom of a nearly empty tin of biscuit selections.

Quote from: jamiefairlie on October 02, 2021, 04:51:35 PM
JDs are the shitest biscuits anyway, always left gathering biscuit dust at the bottom of a nearly empty tin of biscuit selections.
They are vegan[nb]The commercially-produced ones, although obviously not the Bake Off ones[/nb], which adds an extra level of desolation. Especially for vegans.

Blue Jam

The orange bit in jaffa cakes is also vegan, with pectin as the gelling agent (not gelatin as it was in that Technical Challenge a few series back). The fatless sponge isn't though. It's pretty easy to modify the recipe to make vegan jaffa cakes but why the fuck would anyone do that to themselves?

Blue Jam

Quote from: jamiefairlie on October 02, 2021, 04:51:35 PM
JDs are the shitest biscuits anyway, always left gathering biscuit dust at the bottom of a nearly empty tin of biscuit selections.

Nah, that dubious honour has to go to pink wafers. Not technically a biscuit but entirely merit-free.

Pink Gregory

Quote from: dissolute ocelot on October 03, 2021, 02:40:24 PM
They are vegan[nb]The commercially-produced ones, although obviously not the Bake Off ones[/nb], which adds an extra level of desolation. Especially for vegans.

mate we only just got the vegan ones let us enjoy ourselves for a second before we're ready to admit that Oreos are horrible as well.

jobotic

I like Jammie Dodgers, although they're obviously not as good as Jam and Cream Rings

Oreos are fucking revolting.

Blue Jam

Oreos taste like they're made out of soil.

Gurke and Hare

Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on September 29, 2021, 02:56:22 PMThey were showing series 3 on the Food Network yesterday and the showstopper was to make a celebratory enriched loaf. I'd love to go back to that level of simple brief again.

Trouble is the contestants outgrew it. A couple of series later that was the kind of thing they were doing in the signature challenge round so they had to ramp it up. In the early series, a challenge would be "make some macarons" but a few series ago I remember one of them going "I've got a few minutes spare, so I'm just going to quickly knock up some macarons to use as extra decoration". I think it was that series' 17-year-old girl one, possibly the same series that had Ruby Tandoh in it.

gilbertharding

Well, as long as it doesn't ever get as bad as Bake Off the Professionals (or, Great British Make a Landscape out of Chocolate, and a Spiky Tower out of Chocolate and then Balance 50 Types of Biscuits on the Tower, as I call it).

bgmnts

My fantasy bake off briefs are as follows:

Guantamo Bay,
The Eastern Front of WW2,
David Lynch film scenes (Blue Velvet Cake),
Ennui.

Quote from: Blue Jam on October 04, 2021, 09:16:35 AM
Oreos taste like they're made out of soil.
In a good way. Like mushrooms or cumin. I like Oreo biscuit but the double stuffed ones are vile. I will fight to death for the good vegan biscuit. (I think some Custard Creams are also vegan. Life sucks.)

Pink Gregory

Those weird orange creams that you occasionally find in Home Bargains aint got no dairy

Dex Sawash

How do you watch Bake Off? I just got one of those vpn services and can watch bbc iplayer stuff but I reckon this is on ITV.
WHATS ITV?. Keep in mind I am very thick.
Probably stuck watching it on usa netflix on fridays.

daf

Channel Four these days - available > > > here

(It's free, but says you need to sign in - so you'll probably have to chuck an email address at it.)


Dex Sawash

Nice one. Am I one of those TV license dodgers now?




gilbertharding

Quote from: Gurke and Hare on October 04, 2021, 10:11:37 AM
Trouble is the contestants outgrew it. A couple of series later that was the kind of thing they were doing in the signature challenge round so they had to ramp it up. In the early series, a challenge would be "make some macarons" but a few series ago I remember one of them going "I've got a few minutes spare, so I'm just going to quickly knock up some macarons to use as extra decoration". I think it was that series' 17-year-old girl one, possibly the same series that had Ruby Tandoh in it.

...which is why Bake Off kids version is better. PLus, you get Harry Hill mucking about making dad jokes, getting the kids to laugh instead of break down when it all goes plop.

Uncle TechTip

Quote from: Dex Sawash on October 05, 2021, 01:56:28 PM
Nice one. Am I one of those TV license dodgers now?


Kind of a grey area, strictly you shouldn't watch it live but only on catch up, this shouldn't be a problem as I think live for you would be around 2pm.

Blue Jam

They actually did have a Caramel Week once...

Pijlstaart

Maggie having a breakdown, 14:51 on 4oD, shows her legs for immortalisation on fetish twitter, disgraceful. Really couldn't stand her technical challenge antics, sarcasm, gurning, village fete cruelty, hyacinth bouquet sports edition, awful. Very red at the center of the face but not the periphery, no commitment. Always leans forward when she laughs. Had a cackle when her focaccia got upended, hope they do it to all her bakes.

Freya dressed normally this week but still sounds like a shed door creaking in the wind, think the voice only worked in costume. Two Golly Goshes and the full-moon spectacles will tide me over for now, but want it upped to steeleye span and carob or I'm defecting, Chigs and Crystelle waiting in the wings.

George does vulgar thumbing when chaste thumbing would have sufficed, as you'd expect, but reluctant to hug or even thumb the birmingham woman when she got voted off, curious, something very key stage 3 about him. Couldn't listen to the birmingham woman, charisma vacuum. Even her crying was bereft of oomph, 3/10 cry, could have just been pulling out an eyelash for all we know.

One in the over-browed eye for Jurgen, the sheen always goes once the semen is dried. Though they'll never admit it, the germans have never been good with bread, they just press a bunch of seeds into a ball and give it a fifteen-syllable name. Beyond parody now, slapping his pervert baby bread repeatedly against the table, what the mole lacks in eyesight he makes up for in touch. 

Scouse woman graduating from children's duvet to a party rings aesthetic for the week. I'd go to st john's shopping centre for discount scouse biscuits during my biscuits phase, you'd get great biscuit prices if you looked about, several shops inexplicably just sold plastic buckets and spades, the hallways rang with barked evocations to some eldritch scouse god "Oos Babs" in whose name the great sins of mankind could be undertaken. In st john's you were either forced into or out of a pram, and never in your own time, all the guidebooks talk some anthropologist shite about the practice, but me, I think there's some sort of energy transfer taking place mid-flux. One of the prams had party rings in it, perhaps a clue...

Blue Jam

Quote from: confettiinmyhair on October 01, 2021, 11:59:54 AM
They need to ban scientists and engineers from Bake Off. They've found all the chest codes to baking. Jurgen is a cert for the final and we are only in week two.

Can confirm that life scientists in general seem to bloody love two things: baking and reality TV. The friend of mine who got to the penultimate stage of Bake-Off a few years back was a colleague, incredible baker who now makes cakes to order as a side hustle, I'm just amazed he wasn't declared the winner there and then.

Watching episode 3 now. Sorry to be xenophobic but maybe we should also ban all Italians. Giuseppe has a ridiculous unfair advantage here. His baking is still making me well jel. Still rooting for him or Jurgen.

Crystelle's roasted grape focaccia didn't seem that mad to me as a pizza place near me (which sadly didn't survive the pandemic) used to do a grape, ricotta, rosemary and pine nut pizza and it was fucking lovely. Damn I miss that place. Even Jamie Oliver knows:

https://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/bread-recipes/green-and-red-grapes-rosemary-pine-nuts-and-ricotta-pizza-topping/


I might actually try a bit of a bake-along this week. Didn't fancy the malt loaf but might do a variation of Crystelle's recipe.

Blue Jam

"I'm using soya milk instead of hurrrrrl milk"

Blue Jam

Fucking hell I am not making any milk bread. It sounds fucking minging.