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Things your dad is still doing.

Started by Glebe, November 02, 2021, 08:50:35 PM

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Glebe

Eager to show that he's not a "square," your dad puts on his old blue jeans and puts on a cassette of Guns 'N' Roses 'Welcome to the Jungle' that he taped off the radio. He taps his foot along with vague enthusiasm, but the song hasn't even ended and he's switching it off, "Right, crazy time is over."

frajer

Your dad refuses to celebrate your birthday ever since you've grown taller than him. "I fire you into the world via your mum and this is how you thank me."

Glebe

You arrive at your dad's and take a seat on the couch. But you've a funny incident to tell him before Countdown begins.

"Heh, your neighbour's a nutter dad... I said hello to him and he told me to F-off!"

Your dad folds his arms angrily. "I won't have that kind of language in my house. Not in front of the children!"

"What children, dad?"

"I won't have weirdos coming into my house effin' and jeffin' in front of the kids!"

"Dad, WTF?"

"What does 'WTF?' stand for?

Your Dad's flip phone rings so loud it startles everyone.
When you try and convince him he can change his ringtone volume, he insists it can't be done - your little brother Jason has already tried, and he's the "computer-wiz" in the family, so there's no point you looking.

Glebe

"It's funny the way Marvel have Venom and DC's Bane takes venom!"

"Eh, dad?"

"Ah uh oh yeah must get that Flymo fixed."

frajer

Your dad takes up a Thursday evening kickboxing class. "Just call me Keanu Rambonegger!"

Glebe

Your dad goes to a Halloween fancy dress party as Ali G. Nobody knew who he was supposed to be and it was definitely 'boomer city' there.

Your Dad asks you "Son, I think there's a new gangnam style out - it's called 'doing the tik tok' I think, can you teach me?"

Glebe

"Enjoying the movie dad? Dad?"

He's out in shed comparing different shades of Cuprinol.

itsfredtitmus

Quote from: MrsWarboysLover on November 02, 2021, 10:22:30 PM
Your Dad asks you "Son, I think there's a new gangnam style out - it's called 'doing the tik tok' I think, can you teach me?"
I'd just twirl me knob around, like

Glebe

"It's funny you were born considering what a hardcore anti-natalist I am," smiles your dad, before stuffing another ginger nut in his mouth.

frajer

Your dad loudly tells everyone he's putting together a slamming playlist, but when you peek over his shoulder on the way to the kitchen he's drawing food he likes on MS Paint.

Glebe

Your dad's frequent lawnmower sojourns are always preceded by a bout of existential grief.

Glebe

Your dad is rearranging your DNA so that you resemble James Woods.

frajer

Your dad has never sent fan mail to Ringo Starr until he found out Starr said he won't accept anymore, now your dad has a weekly drop-off booked in at the post office. All of them start with "How dare you" and then it's just expletives peppered with a grudging admiration for Yellow Submarine.

jenna appleseed

Quote from: frajer on November 04, 2021, 08:47:06 PM
Your dad has never sent fan mail to Ringo Starr until he found out Starr said he won't accept anymore, now your dad has a weekly drop-off booked in at the post office. All of them start with "How dare you" and then it's just expletives peppered with a grudging admiration for Yellow Submarine.

Your Dad definitely posts on the Steve Hoffman forum.

jenna appleseed

Your Dad mansplains the greatness of Pet Sounds at you like he's Mr. Mojo Magazine 1998, then explains his theory how the worst thing about Brian Wilson going bonkers and not releasing anything in 1967 was the failure to push the Beatles into recording something even greater than Pepper.

Can you tell your dad to STOP GETTING THE BEACH BOYS & THE BEATLES WRONG?

Glebe

Once in a while The Riddlers theme will enter your dad's head and a look of vague horror will pass over his face.

Your dad recently ate at a Cosy Club and now he won't stop talking about buttermilk chicken burgers. "Tell them about that buttermilk chicken burger I had, Jean."

Glebe

"Dad, I've gotten a promotion and a raise!"

"Never liked ya. Absolutely reject ya."

frajer

Your dad fires off a Naval issue distress flare because there's barely half an inch of milk left and he wants to eat his Cornflakes now.

Your Dad sits watching MASH and Hotlips comes on the screen.
"They don't make women like that anymore"

frajer

Your dad calls you a dense pillock so much he realises one morning he's forgotten your real name, and is actually mildly embarrassed, but doubles down and calls you a daft bastard instead.

The Bumlord

Your dad has started wearing a blatantly obvious toupée but whenever you try to ask him about it he squats down and makes a bizarre alien screeching noise before rolling into another room.

Captain Poodle Basher

Your dad is on Tik Tok again.

At least he's kept his clothes on this time.

Oh, wait, nope, naked it is.

He's outside Morrisons smearing himself all over the glass.

Are you going to collect him or wait until the police bring him home?

Glebe

Your dad spots another man in a beige knitted sweater, "Oi oi saveloy!"

Your Dad refuses to get in the ambulance after collapsing and appearing to have difficulty breathing.
"How much is this ripoff merchant gonna charge me?" he gasps.

Glebe

"You can have the telly now son. I suppose you'll be watching your Game Squids or whatver."

"No dad, I lost interest after a couple of episodes."

Your dad looks despondent.

"But... but that's your Squid's Games. I thought you loved it."

"Nah dad it's overhyped."

Your dad leaves the room quietly, but there are tears on his cheeks.

frajer

Your dad writes a sternly worded tweet to @Netflix over the drop-off in quality over "Squiddly Diddly or whatever the fuck it's called" but inadvertently sends it to your mum as a DM, which she never mentions.

Glebe

Quote from: frajer on November 06, 2021, 07:56:48 PMYour dad writes a sternly worded tweet to @Netflix over the drop-off in quality over "Squiddly Diddly or whatever the fuck it's called" but inadvertently sends it to your mum as a DM, which she never mentions.

You get a text message in work the next day, 'want watch your octopus show tonite? luv dad'