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Things your dad is still doing.

Started by Glebe, November 02, 2021, 08:50:35 PM

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Glebe

"You're not going out dressed like that, son!"

"Dad, I have to wear this hi-viz jacket for my job in the emergency services!"

"Nevertheless, while you're under my roof you'll follow my rules!"

"It's my house dad, and I only put you up in the back room because I felt sorry for you when your marriage fell to pieces."

"Uh... Well you're still not going out like that!"

Glebe

Your dad goes into Tesco and asks a cleaner to "fetch me a pair of sensible slacks please."

frajer

Your dad takes a potato peeler to your new suede jacket as vague payback for some possibly imaginary slight. Happy Birthday!

Glebe

Quote from: frajer on November 07, 2021, 04:40:19 PMYour dad takes a potato peeler to your new suede jacket as vague payback for some possibly imaginary slight. Happy Birthday!

In retaliation for that, you take a tin opener to his blue suede shoes. Any retribution on his part will see further avengement in the form of the smashing of his Showadywaddy collection.

Glebe

"I've taken the batteries out of your Playbox controller to use in a new gadget I bought son!"

"You mean 'Xbox' controller? That's alright dad, I mean I left it here so I don't play it anymore anyway!"

"Oh yeah I forgot you moved out years ago... well, is there anything I can take the batteries out that you currently use, just to annoy you?"

"Um.... I have a torch in the car."

"Right. I'll go and take the batteries out of that. You can play with my new gadget until I get back."

"Dad, this thing uses AAA batteries, not AA batteries."

"Well I'll find some use for them! The important thing is to steal your batteries!"

frajer

Your dad walks in whistling, flips something to you and you catch it on reflex. It's a coin!

Your dad beams: "See a penny, pick it up, and all the day you'll have good luck! Oh run that under the tap though, it was stuck in the biggest pile of dog shit I've ever seen."

Glebe

Your dad has his arms folded over his most sensible jumper and is staring out the kitchen window.

"Red sky at night, shephards' delight."

"Dad, the shed is on fire."

BlodwynPig


itsfredtitmus

Quote from: Glebe on November 07, 2021, 11:30:18 PM
"I've taken the batteries out of your Playbox controller to use in a new gadget I bought son!"

"You mean 'Xbox' controller? That's alright dad, I mean I left it here so I don't play it anymore anyway!"

"Oh yeah I forgot you moved out years ago... well, is there anything I can take the batteries out that you currently use, just to annoy you?"

"Um.... I have a torch in the car."

"Right. I'll go and take the batteries out of that. You can play with my new gadget until I get back."

"Dad, this thing uses AAA batteries, not AA batteries."

"Well I'll find some use for them! The important thing is to steal your batteries!"
RAMPACK.

frajer

"Flipping heck I tell you who I don't rate son, this little lad that used to hang around here, running about the garden and always in the living room and on the stairs, Christ he was such a creep... oh wait that was you. I hated you. Hmm." Newspaper goes back up.

Glebe

Your dad gets a pang of guilt after describing a disabled child as "boss eyed" and donates £2 "to one of them mental charities."

spaghetamine

Your dad has changed his name to Ras Mandala and is going around healing people with a "spirit tube"

frajer

At dinner one evening, your dad announces he'd really like to be the first man on the moon. "No, but properly. Not like those Yank bullshit merchants Buzz Lightyear and Armie Hammerstrong."

Your dad thinks the saying is "getting away with burger".

jobotic

Your dad keeps jumping onto the bird bath shouting "par for the course!!!" because he misheard "parkour".

Glebe

"Hey son, look at this collectable Annabelle doll I got in Forbidden Planet for £100!"

"Dad, we're in the middle of getting your grandson baptised. Sorry Father."

"That's okay son!"

"Not you, you berk."

Captain Poodle Basher

Your dad has been to that 'Print your own tee shirt' place.

He's wearing it now.

"Yo're no son of mine!"

He's attempted to correct his typo by drawing a lop-sided and narrow 'U' in marker, but it's run and the ink is staining the letters.

Still doesn't stop him flaunting it at you though.

Glebe

Saturday evening. Having mowed the lawn, repaired the boiler and fed the cat, your dad settles down to a well-earned chicken risotto. "Is Holby on tonight?" I'll probably fall asleep in front of it dreaming of Hornby trains, chuckle!"

Glebe

"Who's toppermost of the poppermost this season?" smiles your dad. "Leo Sayer? Alvin Stardust? Or some new popper?" he laughs.

frajer

Your dad buys a new ladder to get access to the loft.

"But you don't have a loft, dad."

"If you could take a breather from ruining my dreams son, that would be just dandy."

Glebe

"You're a decent dad, dad!"

"Aw chucks son!"

"No dad, it's 'aw shucks'."

"Aw chucks!"

"No dad, aw fuck me what is point."

frajer

You drive over after work one misty late October evening and find your dad hurling eggs at the front windows.

"Pre-egging myself for Halloween, son. They'll never egg an egged house!"

Glebe

You're helping your dad dig the garden when he tells you, "Come on son, put some wellies onto it!"

"No dad, it's 'put some welly into it'."

"Put some wellies onto it!"

"There is no hope for you."

frajer

Quote from: Glebe on November 10, 2021, 05:00:03 PM
You're helping your dad dig the garden when he tells you, "come on son, put some wellies onto it!"

"No dad, it's 'put some welly into it'."

"Put some wellies onto it!"

"There is no hope for you."


Hours later your phone vibrates. Two new messages from Dad:

did you put some wellies in it
only mine are missing x

Glebe

"I always wanted a son, but in your case I would have warmly accepted a daughter," smirks your dad.

frajer

Your dad gaffer tapes a webcam to a kite and sprints down the post office to file a patent for DadDrone.

Glebe

Your dad makes up his own code and writes various coded messages around the house and leaves a code key for you with the message 'SOLVE THE CODE'. The messages inevitably turn out to be things like 'I hate my son' and 'Wish you'd been aborted'.

frajer

Your dad takes a trip to the zoo but comes home early in a sulk. "Kicked a penguin up the arse again."

Glebe

Quote from: frajer on November 10, 2021, 07:32:48 PMYour dad takes a trip to the zoo but comes home early in a sulk. "Kicked a penguin up the arse again."

"Actually son, remember that time we left you at the zoo and you were traumatised for life?" laughs father.

Saw my dad today and he's ordered eminems entire back catalogue in cd format from amazon.
He was stacking them up next to the hi-fi. Empty amazon box on the table.
I didn't say owt.