Cracking the same joke/comment every time

[Endicott]

The sound of a glass breaking in the pub --> SACK THE JUGGLER!

[katzenjammer]

Not quite on topic, but in countries other than the UK someone dropping a glass in a bar is not met with a 'WAAAAHEY!', everyone just kind of ignores it. Weird

[Goldentony]

in school if anyone dropped their plate at dinner they got the WEEEEEEEY for about 45 seconds solid because we werent allowed to do it, then one day some kid called James did it and he booted off because everyone was going WEEEEEEET and shouted VUCK OVVVV at us then someon threw a hot chicken pie at him

[Chedney Honks]

Couple of thousands sleeps til we're all dead 😂😂😂

[kalowski]

Police siren: "ey up, they've found you mate"

Or "Ooh, chip shop must be closing soon"

[Tony Tony Tony]

When I was a sprog asking anyone if they had a match would often elicit the comic response, "yes my arse and your face".

Very popular amongst the wags in the fourth form.

[Tony Tony Tony]

Police siren: "ey up, they've found you mate"

Worked with a guy who always but always broke out the Eric Morcambe line "he won't sell much ice cream at that speed" at any passing Police car on a 'shout'.
'

[Goldentony]

IMO grabbing a cucumber and pretending its your cock and going WEEEEY is fine

[Tony Tony Tony]

IMO grabbing a cucumber and pretending its your cock and going WEEEEY is fine

But not grabbing your cock and pretending it's a cucumber even if it's green and knobbly like mine?

[Cloud]

And sure enough tonight
"It's your last day tomorrow innit with your FOUR DAY WEEK"
When will the novelty wear off?

[thenoise]

Meanwhile: "Cup of tea? How do you take it?"

Like I like my women. Hot, brown, sweet & put a spoon inside and jiggle it about a bit then pull the spoon out and lick the spoon

[gib]

I'm guilty of saying "Someone's escaped" whenever the fire alarm goes off for drill practice (which is only once every six months, but I've been there 20 years so it all adds up).

you made me guffaw, i am definitely having this

[gib]

Half past the week lads /ladies!

hump day

[Clatty McCutcheon]

If I don't see you through the week, I'll see you through the window!

[zomgmouse]

Not quite on topic, but in countries other than the UK someone dropping a glass in a bar is not met with a 'WAAAAHEY!', everyone just kind of ignores it. Weird

here in Australia we say "Taxi!!!!!!"

[Mr Banlon]

"A bit more choke and it would have started." after a rolling brapper

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

"A bit more choke and it would have started." after a rolling brapper

I collect these. I think my favourite is prefacing it with "Ladies and gentlemen, Elton John!"

[shiftwork2]

"A bit more choke and it would have started." after a rolling brapper

That's actually a cracker.  Added to my library.

Sadly massive farts were everywhere at one point but now appear to have gone the way of the platform shoe.

[The Mollusk]

"A bit more choke and it would have started." after a rolling brapper

Oop, just stepped on a frog!

Duck is also acceptable

[Gurke and Hare]

I'm on holiday in Rotterdam. Someone always posts "that could be anywhere, Liverpool or Rome" on photos on social media.

[seepage]

"I'm a dot" every day leaving work.

[gilbertharding]

I collect these. I think my favourite is prefacing it with "Ladies and gentlemen, Elton John!"

"A confident appeal there, by the Australians..."

[daimoniac]

whenever a two or three words come together in a conversation that sound interesting out of context, referencing a fictional concert:
for example:

"i'll see you in a bit, off to the chemist to get pick up my gout prescription, want anything from the shop on the way back?"
"if you're going past the chippy, pick us up some bait on the way back, can't be arsed cooking tonight"

"Gout Presctiption play the head of steam on the 4th of october supported by Some Bait and Arsed Cooking - 8pm, £5 on the door"

[Chedney Honks]

hiya comment mate

[Gurke and Hare]

I saw a quite short woman lugging a cello earlier, and I thought (but didn't say) "I bet you wish you played the flute." which I've heard cello players love to have people say to them.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I once got a temporary job working a weighbridge at a commercial tip, it's possibly the most boring job I've ever had, the people didn't care what I did so long as people were getting weighed in and encouraged me to bring a book or whatever, but in practice it was futile as the stream of vehicles was the sort of pace where you're never in a rush but also constantly interrupted.

One of the drivers used to send me round the bend by greeting me every day with "another day, another dollar!". Even the repetitive nature of the radio playlist did my head in. It was like living in groundhog day.

[Dex Sawash]

When agreeing with a statement

<first name> Johnson's right.

More of a reference than a joke. Usually say it internally but I laugh anyway. I assume I am universally muted on the sailing club zoom meetings. Don't know if meeting minutes ever include "Dex made tedious blazing saddles reference, again"

[billyandthecloneasaurus]

It's officially okay if you do it a knowing way to annoy your friends because I do that and it's cute when i do it.

[xxxx xxx x xxx]

"another day, another dollar!".

Oh I fucking hate that one.  Fucking hate it! Everyone earns more than a dollar a day, what does it even mean?  I hear it quite a bit at my place and I always reply "Another day closer to the sweet oblivion of death".  Usually goes down well.

[seepage]

I used to get "Another day, another collar, as the Vicar would say".