Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 02:36:59 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Cracking the same joke/comment every time

Started by Cloud, November 07, 2021, 10:13:37 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Gurke and Hare

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on November 16, 2021, 11:01:18 AM

"Skin past freckle" if you asked this of someone who didn't have a watch on.

Ha ha, "wrist o'clock" down my way.

Replies From View

Heard "skin past freckle" or somesuch thing a few times in the 90s.  People quite unable to come up with humour that hasn't been given to them already; pathetic.



Have you ever been told "I haven't heard that one before!!" when you've said something flippant or even vaguely amusing?  "That one" - as if humour is merely pre-printed trading cards where everyone's just going "got got, need got got".  I've never had the heart to explain to such people that the reason they'd never heard "that one" before is that I'd only just come up with it in that moment, using a configuration of words that didn't exist in that order yet.  I can't imagine how they would take it.

Dex Sawash


markburgle

I knobhead I am friends with - let's call him Colin - always replies to the following things in the following ways:

"For fuck's sake." "Four-foot snake??"
"Ahh Jesus". "Colin'll do"

I want to slap the cunt, which I imagine is mission accomplished.

gilbertharding

Quote from: Replies From View on November 16, 2021, 12:10:58 PM
Heard "skin past freckle" or somesuch thing a few times in the 90s.  People quite unable to come up with humour that hasn't been given to them already; pathetic.



Have you ever been told "I haven't heard that one before!!" when you've said something flippant or even vaguely amusing?  "That one" - as if humour is merely pre-printed trading cards where everyone's just going "got got, need got got".  I've never had the heart to explain to such people that the reason they'd never heard "that one" before is that I'd only just come up with it in that moment, using a configuration of words that didn't exist in that order yet.  I can't imagine how they would take it.

Thing is - if you make an attempt to say something funny which *hasn't* been heard before (a sardonic observation about the current predicament or somesuch...), like as not some fucker will pipe up with "Random!"

Mr Banlon

Quote from: Dr Rock on November 15, 2021, 10:10:28 AM
I like my coffee how I like my men - ground up then boiling water thrown on them
"I like my tea like I like my ladies....weak and from China."
This was said by a bloke who's actual wife was a large, bad-tempered Irish woman.

Replies From View

Just remembered another one.  People endlessly replying "Only on Tuesdays!!" or whatever day of the week when you ask if something happens, has happened or will happen.

Cuellar

"Good name for a band"

Good grave for a you


paruses

Quote from: Replies From View on November 16, 2021, 06:21:23 PM
Just remembered another one.  People endlessly replying "Only on Tuesdays!!" or whatever day of the week when you ask if something happens, has happened or will happen.

Bleurgh. Also "only at weekends" - which is in reply to something that might be a bit of a double entendre or specifically a man dressing as a woman. Can't think examples but happens way more than it should.

flotemysost

Quote from: Mr Banlon on November 16, 2021, 05:07:38 PM
"I like my tea like I like my ladies....weak and from China."
This was said by a bloke who's actual wife was a large, bad-tempered Irish woman.

I'm sorry to say this made me laugh.

"It'll all come out in the wash!"[nb]Used more than once by a beaming former colleague, in response to me politely saying I wouldn't get in on rounds at the pub as I was only going to stay for one or two, and/or was inching into my overdraft. I've been know to buy rounds for an entire bar's worth of complete strangers (or once, a kebab shop) so it's not me being a tightarse - I just hate that "waheyy, you know you want to really!" schtick.[/nb] - you sure about that mate, wanna test your theory with some HUMAN BLOOD (yours)

Quote from: flotemysost on November 16, 2021, 09:43:39 PM

"It'll all come out in the wash!"[nb]Used more than once by a beaming former colleague, in response to me politely saying I wouldn't get in on rounds at the pub as I was only going to stay for one or two, and/or was inching into my overdraft. I've been know to buy rounds for an entire bar's worth of complete strangers (or once, a kebab shop) so it's not me being a tightarse - I just hate that "waheyy, you know you want to really!" schtick.[/nb] - you sure about that mate, wanna test your theory with some HUMAN BLOOD (yours)

In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Wonka says  'they'll all come out in the wash" about the kids missing in various mishaps.  That was when I first came across it.  When I later wiped the resulting then-dried semen stain on the page with a soapy cloth, the ink came off in the wash.

holyzombiejesus

Quote from: Cuellar on November 16, 2021, 07:25:54 PM
"Good name for a band"

Also 'Heard a cracking session by them on Peely, back in the day.'

Jasha

"doing anything at the weekend?"

"Visiting Manchester/Edinburgh/Torquay/the moon"

"Isn't that where they're having the big gay pride march"

Greg Torso

Quote from: gilbertharding on November 16, 2021, 04:50:47 PM
Thing is - if you make an attempt to say something funny which *hasn't* been heard before (a sardonic observation about the current predicament or somesuch...), like as not some fucker will pipe up with "Random!"

Or if you post it on here, "Parklife!"

JesusAndYourBush

Quote from: Phoenix Lazarus on November 17, 2021, 03:05:18 AM
In Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Wonka says  'they'll all come out in the wash"...

When I was a kid I heard that King John lost his crown jewels in the wash.  I assumed he'd left them in the pocket of his robes or something.  It wasn't until about 10-15 years ago I encountered the phrase again on some history show on TV and realised "the wash" was referring to the estuary.

flotemysost

Quote from: Jasha on November 17, 2021, 09:24:36 AM"doing anything at the weekend?"

"Visiting Manchester/Edinburgh/Torquay/the moon"

"Isn't that where they're having the big gay pride march"

There's also "Doing anything nice [this evening/weekend/annual leave etc.]?". To which I'm always tempted to glibly reply "No, I'm doing something HORRIBLE!" but I'm not sure that would always be taken in the intended spirit.

Also someone did once ask me that when I had an upcoming day off to go to a funeral - I didn't mind, but I really should have milked it just to fuck with them. I always try to instead say something like "Have you got much planned for...", because you never know.

Sebastian Cobb

My old boss used to relentlessly ask me/people if they had "evening plans" to the point it came over a bit nosy.

Who does anything in the week though? Chances are my plans extend no further than eating my tea and going to bed.

kalowski

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on November 20, 2021, 09:03:37 PMMy old boss used to relentlessly ask me/people if they had "evening plans" to the point it came over a bit nosy.

Who does anything in the week though? Chances are my plans extend no further than eating my tea and going to bed.
"Any plans tonight?"
"Quick wank."

Johnny Foreigner

I met my new boss at a five-hour dinner on Thursday night; he was born and bred in Hamburg.

Henceforth, whenever someone asks me if I make good money doing what I do, I am going to answer that I work for a Hamburger.

Sebastian Cobb


flotemysost

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on November 20, 2021, 09:03:37 PMMy old boss used to relentlessly ask me/people if they had "evening plans" to the point it came over a bit nosy.

Who does anything in the week though? Chances are my plans extend no further than eating my tea and going to bed.

I'm out during the week a fair bit (more so pre-covid, of course) but it's not always necessarily going to be stuff I'd want to share with managers! I actually have a good relationship with my current lot, and my previous manager used to jovially reel off anecdotes about his Grindr dates and Class A fueled escapades and all sorts, but in some other places I've worked I'd be reluctant even to bring up stuff like going to see a gig/play/film/exhibition etc. if I had to explain what it was - I know it'd probably just have ended up cementing their suspicions that I was a bit of a pretentious weirdo.

easytarget

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on November 17, 2021, 09:10:02 AMAlso 'Heard a cracking session by them on Peely, back in the day.'
'3 more from them later in the program'