Cracking the same joke/comment every time

[PlanktonSideburns]

Reminds me of a woman who regularly said the same thing to everybody who was leaving: "Hope your evening is as lovely as I am".

Before leaving, a guy mentioned that he was off the next day, so she quipped "Hope your day off is as lovely as I am" and he replied "I'm going to a funeral". I had to hide behind my computer screen as I was laughing so much.

It's a good line once tho

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

going 'someone considers rewrite!!!!' at anything vaguely rum sounding is shit

New Fast Automatic Daffodils consider rewrite.

[touchingcloth]

Every time I complete a form that asks for my "Racial/ethnic background", I fill it in with "yes please!"

[Emotional Support Peacock]

going 'someone considers rewrite!!!!' at anything vaguely rum sounding is shit tho

I generally enjoy these and I'm wondering if you're missing the joke - these aren't about something sounding wrong but about a phrase sounding similar to a song/film/book etc.

[madhair60]

tourism considers rewrite

[Jack Shaftoe]

There's a podcast I listen to where they start off with the headlines or whatever, and then they always say 'but first' and I always say 'Butt first' to myself and giggle, then look around guiltily in case anyone heard me. They don't, because I work from home, but still.

[tourism]

yeah I feel thick now

[shiftwork2]

It's the lowest effort personal interaction and for that reason is quite interesting.  'Good moaning', 'no thanks I'm sweet enough' and 'Wednesday lunchtime - half past the week!' are innocent nuggets of nothing that pass the time yet betray an interest level between the participants that is actually zero.  Generally considered better than silence for the same reason Chris Hawkins has a radio show.

I'm guilty of 'half past the week' every week for, well, decades and it's threads such as this that make me realise how long it has been since I had an original thought.

[madhair60]

honestly I long for the confidence of these people

[shiftwork2]

Just try it.  Suggest you start with 'you're in early, shit the bed?'

[canadagoose]

I generally enjoy these and I'm wondering if you're missing the joke - these aren't about something sounding wrong but about a phrase sounding similar to a song/film/book etc.

It's been years and years now but I still enjoy these references. I don't know why.

[dissolute ocelot]

Just try it.  Suggest you start with 'you're in early, shit the bed?'

This sort of thing genuinely feels like an attempt to police office behaviour so everyone does the exact same thing every day. If you can't vary your schedule or get a haircut or wear something different without getting the same joke 100 times, you just have to conform and never change. (Well not usually "shit the bed" but close to that.)

[shiftwork2]

Agreed.  Its counterpart is 'half-day today?' when you're a bit late.

[JamesTC]

Used to work with a guy who would regularly inform the office that his three main requirements of a woman are "big ass, big tits and likes it on top".

[Janie Jones]

I'm guilty of 'half past the week' every week for, well, decades and it's threads such as this that make me realise how long it has been since I had an original thought.

Pfft, I like these little quirks, I enjoy the repetition. I remember and use loads from my parents; my kids could likewise make a list of my oft-used jokes/comments, many culled from these very boards. One day when you're dead in your cold grave shiftwork2, someone who is currently a 20-something student in your team will say, 'half past the week!' and remember fondly the dreary old cunt who said it every Wednesday lunchtime.

[jobotic]

You are a _____

I'll _____ you in a minute.

Love 'em.

Also, "freckle past the hair".

[monkfromhavana]

And we wonder why more people who don't crack the same joke every time don't post on here.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

'Generally considered better than silence'.

Apparently so, but I'm not sure why people are so terrified of silence, it's great, especially at work.

People who are almost compelled to speak to break silences (too often by talking about themselves) are my least favourites. It's worse when you know them and can see their brains starting to crack as the silence closes in on them. In some cases you can do an actual countdown

3....2.....1......BlergbbelrehrhhwenttoShopssunday

[Mr Banlon]

When Law & Order is on TV, I always say to the missus, "Oh, I went to school with a Laura Norder."*
Every. Fucking. Time.

*I actually went to school with footballer Neil Shipperley, but there's nowt funny about him (not in a 'ha-ha' way)

[touchingcloth]

There's a podcast I listen to where they start off with the headlines or whatever, and then they always say 'but first' and I always say 'Butt first' to myself and giggle, then look around guiltily in case anyone heard me. They don't, because I work from home, but still.

My brother and I used to have a Beavis and Butthead VHS. One of the episodes saw them going to elocution lessons where the teacher had them recite the phrases "half haste helps, but whole haste hinders," and "speaking slowly, as such, can say just as much."

The twosome responded with glee at these things: "butt hole!", "ass munch!" and to this day hearing either of those pairs of words makes me titter like a cock.

[Clatty McCutcheon]

Eccentric old fella I used to work beside would recount various anecdotes where he got the upper hand over an adversary by saying 'don't you play ducks and drakes with me'. It wasn't just a 'needless to say, I had the last laugh'-style flourish used once the adversary had been bested by a display of wit and guile. The way he put it was as if just uttering the phrase 'don't you play ducks and drakes with me' meant you automatically won the argument.

I've always been scared to utter the words in case I become omniscient through their sheer power.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

*I actually went to school with footballer Neil Shipperley, but there's nowt funny about him (not in a 'ha-ha' way)

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-50839639

Still not served the full 5 years of his sexual offences order for public masturbation

[gmoney]

I imagine several CaB folk can't resist doing "(I'm doing something) ...for an hour," occasionally.

"I'm going on my lunch break... for an hour."

"What's that supposed to be?"

"It's from The Day Today-"

"Weirdo, GET OUT."

Quoting things at people who won't understand the reference is a different, worse disease.

[Bigfella]

If somebody comes into work late I like to shout 'There's the back shift in!' Or to Polish workmates: 'Tora godzina?' (what's the time?).                     An old guy used to always come into the butchers and ask 'Have you got pig's trotters?'  to which the butcher replied 'No, it's these new shoes, they're killing me.'

[Kankurette]

Many times. If I had a quid for every cunt who saw my 'Ask Me About Great Gift Ideas' polo shirt when I was working in Smiths and decided to ask me about great gift ideas because lolzies that's what it says on her shirt, I would be loaded. I hate these people.

Also, 'are we keeping you awake?' whenever I yawned in my last job. Yawning is a perfectly natural thing to do and if you have a condition that makes you permanently tired, like I do, no shit you're going to do it, and it wasn't like I was sleeping on the job. I don't know why people say it. They'd say it when I wasn't even engaged in conversation with them.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-50839639

Still not served the full 5 years of his sexual offences order for public masturbation

Matt Le Tissier: not the only public wanker who used to play for Southampton.

This sort of thing genuinely feels like an attempt to police office behaviour so everyone does the exact same thing every day. If you can't vary your schedule or get a haircut or wear something different without getting the same joke 100 times, you just have to conform and never change. (Well not usually "shit the bed" but close to that.)

I think that's why it annoyed me. Like 'OMG you go to so many gigs' every time I mentioned I was going to, or had been to, a gig. Like, sorry for having a social life that doesn't involve going down the pub and getting rat-arsed, I guess?

[holyzombiejesus]

The football team I support played Accrington Stanley on Saturday.

[katzenjammer]

'are we keeping you awake?'

'no, but you are boring the shit out of me'

[JamesTC]

Used to work with a guy who would regularly inform the office that his three main requirements of a woman are "big ass, big tits and likes it on top".

Just remembered the same guy used to say, any time the word "bank" was said (we worked for a bank), that he is a banker and was planning to do some internet banking when he got home.

[Mr_Simnock]

These things are the reserve of people who litterly have no life. Oh and I do enjoy pointing out there repetitions to them, the look on their faces can be fantastic, a sort of painfull squirm as their non existence has been noticed.

[jobotic]

I'll give you a painful squirm in a minute! ha ha

[sigh] you have to laugh though don't you?