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we doing poppy bits this year or what

Started by madhair60, November 10, 2021, 11:41:10 AM

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EOLAN




Icehaven

Quote from: jobotic on November 17, 2021, 12:40:16 PM
More tank twats

https://www.cheshire-live.co.uk/news/chester-cheshire-news/dads-army-gaffe-cheshire-idea-22184994?fbclid=IwAR3rJ8-rmxLnZ6VQscatEmTuRKiT8ryVZtMqBJvS0Zx1GpOTIvvopWrxoFE#comments-wrapper

Gonna hire a Messerschmitt next year and open fire on the village playground.

Seriously though what a couple of arrogant cunts, "let's make armistice day all about us by driving a tank through the village and showing off. Quick minute's silence then back to showing everyone what absolute legends we are." Not remotely surprising that they're councillors/ex-councillors.

GoblinAhFuckScary

I had a dream once where they started doing V-1 flight experiences in my town. I think they should do this next year.

idunnosomename

whoops sorry . i mjust so excited about WAR CHRISTMAS

Icehaven

Give it another century and it won't be Remembrance day anymore, it'll be Recruitment day when tanks covered in Christmas lights will parade through every town to remind everyone how much fun it is being in the military and kids will be encouraged to follow them and sign up by friendly squaddies in Santa hats.

Johnny Yesno

Quote from: icehaven on November 17, 2021, 03:35:04 PM
Give it another century and it won't be Remembrance day anymore, it'll be Recruitment day when tanks covered in Christmas lights will parade through every town to remind everyone how much fun it is being in the military and kids will be encouraged to follow them and sign up by friendly squaddies in Santa hats.

What a load of crap.






I give it ten years tops.

H-O-W-L


bgmnts

Yeah the tank actually keeps the doorman safe.

chveik


mattyc

Quote from: bomb_dog on November 11, 2021, 12:44:49 AMI know you bunch of saps love a good poem from local papers. I don't think there's been a deconstruction of this bad boy's stanzas...



'The silence would be shattered
These men really got battered'


I know I'm very late in getting to this, but I just wanted to say that it was this poem that finally inspired me to stop lurking and get involved here. It is an immense piece of work. For someone to have written that and thought 'Twould be the essence of selfishness to keep such sagacity to myself. 'Tis my duty to ensure its publication, that others might also bathe in its light' genuinely blows my mind. This poem makes me want to laugh hysterically while simultaneously cleaving my own skull in with a weighty spanner, and I can't speak any more highly of it than that. 3/10. 

Fambo Number Mive

I love how the local paper didn't see anything wrong with the unintentional disrespectfulness by the poet as they stretched the English language to make it rhyme.

There's a factual, dignified letter from the secretary of the local RBL about Remembrance Day arrangements, and next to that they put something that a primary school child would think deserved a rewrite.

"They went as boys and came back men
Every now and then
The silence would be shattered
Those men really got battered"

Imagine being a 90 year old Second World War veteran reading that poem. You'd put your foot through the local paper and send whichever company owns the local paper a bill.

Also, none does not rhyme with Somme, or down with sound.

mattyc

Everything about it is amazing, including the fact that someone else read it and thought that under no circumstances should the world be deprived of its wonders.

I love how the poet knew literally one wrong thing about poetry - it must rhyme - and then sacrificed any other consideration to the AABB rhyme scheme. Rhythm? Metre? Good taste? Correctly conjugated verbs? Nah, fuck that, as long as it rhymes (which it doesn't) it's good poetry.

And to finish it all with the line 'As we cheers aloud' is just an incredible flourish. Isn't Remembrance Day particularly noteworthy for silence rather than cheers? And come to that where are these poppies coming down from? They're not like balloons at a child's birthday party. Several Victoria crosses were won? 628 is not several, even in a poem I'm not having that. So many questions, every line is an utter treat.   

Fambo Number Mive

#194
I've just noticed the word "Remembered" is spelt wrong. My spelling has got worse over the past few years but you'd think a sub-editor (if the paper still has one) or someone would have picked up on that.

I do wonder what other poems the paper would print. I hope the poet has had other poems published in that paper as well.

"Many were injured and many more died."

Literally impossible.

Das Reboot

Having worked in local newspapers for more than 20 years I can tell you that they'll print anything these days. Sub editors and any notion of quality control were sacrificed to god of cost cutting years ago.

mattyc

I genuinely don't know if I could cope with him or her having an extensive oeuvre. Imagine if they get one published for every solemn event throughout the year.

Easter: Chocolate eggs are produced by many brands
        And Jesus got nails whacked right through his hands

Queen's birthday: And in your time you've seen many birthdays come around
                  Still it can't be so easy now that Phillip's underground
                  But like any man his time came and went
                  It probably upset you to a certain extent

JaDanketies

As the guns fell silent on the armistice
Men dirty and bloody like a farmer's fist
We will keep them in our Rememberance
This Sunday, at 11, from John o Groats to Penzance

Kankurette

Jesus died on the cross
It was a terrible loss
He died for our sins.
Let's get the chocolate in.

Johnny Foreigner

Take out a subscription to This England magazine. Every issue contains a treasure trove of this stuff.

amateur

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 07, 2021, 04:54:21 PM"They went as boys and came back men
Every now and then
The silence would be shattered
Those men really got battered"

Me getting home from the pub

retsuza

Fuck you, Bush.
It's time to get out of Iraq, Bush.
What were you even doing there in the first place, Bush?
You didn't even get properly elected, Bush.
Are you happy now, Bush?
Fuck you, Bush

idunnosomename

CUmfart boner
Boner shit bum
Wanky wanky spunky shit
We will remember them.

Ferris

Quote from: mattyc on December 07, 2021, 05:33:00 PMEverything about it is amazing, including the fact that someone else read it and thought that under no circumstances should the world be deprived of its wonders.

Yeah that got me and all. Maybe sub editors and the like have been axed to save a few pennies, but there must still be someone there reading these submissions so they aren't just offensive screeds.

So someone went "hmm, yeah it's good enough" which is grimly amusing either because they reckon it's fine work and worthy of publishing, or they just decided it's good enough because the local paper is so far down the shitter they just need to run something, anything, to fill up space, and presumably a similar level of care (ie zero) is applied to everything else in there.

QuoteI every line is an utter treat.   

Yeah there's a few of these posted every year but this is a cut above your usual AABB "are brave boys" dreck.

Icehaven

Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 07, 2021, 05:39:05 PMI've just noticed the word "Remembered" is spelt wrong. My spelling has got worse over the past few years but you'd think a sub-editor (if the paper still has one) or someone would have picked up on that.


Remeber remeber
the fifth of Noveber
with gunpoder treasob and blot
I see no reabon why gunpoder treasob
shod eber be forbot.

shoulders

Quote from: FamboAlso, none does not rhyme with Somme, or down with sound.

That is one of the few reasons to not criticise the poem. Those choices, while utterly awful, are in terms of the structure perfectly fine.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assonance


H-O-W-L

Cunty, cunty
Balls bollocks bugger
Me fucking cock caught on me zip argh
Fucking war bastard agh
Dropped me growler
fucking cunt argh me balls

There's a real WAR POEM for you, based on my discussions with squaddies.

Fambo Number Mive

"We're really proud of them the way they tried"

I wonder if anyone wrote in and complained.

Catalogue Trousers

'As we cheers aloud'.

Who wrote that thing, Derke?

'We all likes poppies
We all likes poppies
We all likes poppies
Death an' that.'