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Masterchef: The Professionals S14

Started by beanheadmcginty, November 12, 2021, 07:36:16 PM

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beanheadmcginty

It's back again. Gregg's looking fairly trim this time. I would've expected him to stuff his big stupid face silly over the pandemic.
Why do so many chefs have sleeve tattoos? Is it to hide the burns from fat splashes, oven doors etc? Also, why do so many have those flesh tunnels in their earlobes? To hang utensils on?

Twit 2

Will this be the series where Marcus snaps and kills someone? He only learned to pretend to smile a few years ago, probably when a producer stood off screen with a big bag of money in one hand and a gun pointed at his head in the other.

bgmnts

Quote from: Twit 2 on November 12, 2021, 08:37:22 PM
Will this be the series where Marcus snaps and kills someone?

On screen anyway.

Bet he goes through a runner every season.

Spode

Pretty surprised by Anthony's exit. Had him down as a bit of an idiot when he declared himself half french for absolutely no reason at all but found myself a big fan less than an hour later as he stood there in his element cooking a tin of beans.

Also had the laid back nature and cold, dead eyes of a last minute, east European stand in for a world championship boxing fight, with a dubious record of 240-0 but from a country previously thought of to have only existed in a Roy of the Rovers pre-season tour. The type of fella who the press  spends all week laughing at as he casually turns up for all the press conferences with a bit of a fat belly and bootcut jeans, only for everyone to realise he might be the real deal when he walks into the ring on fight night in only his undies. Not even a dressing gown.

Thought he'd breeze through and perhaps even kill a competitor in the process.

John, on the other hand, is one of the world's most evil men. The only saving grace about his progress is that, in true Masterchef style, he'll almost certainly get bollocked by some down to earth chef when he turns up in his recently Michelin starred fish and chip van and tries to put saffron on his chips.

Blue Jam

Quote from: beanheadmcginty on November 12, 2021, 07:36:16 PM
Why do so many chefs have sleeve tattoos? Is it to hide the burns from fat splashes, oven doors etc? Also, why do so many have those flesh tunnels in their earlobes? To hang utensils on?

Chefs are in one of the few professions where people can get loads of tattoos, piercings, dyed hair etc without it affecting their employability. I imagine they just like taking advantage of the fact. Hadn't thought of the oven burn thing though, that would also figure.

On the subject of dyed hair, what's going on with Marcoooos's barnet? Looking less like a shit Jedi now he's been at the Just For Men. All the hairspray must make him a walking fire hazard.

sevendaughters

Quote from: Spode on November 13, 2021, 11:10:56 PM
Pretty surprised by Anthony's exit. Had him down as a bit of an idiot when he declared himself half french for absolutely no reason at all but found myself a big fan less than an hour later as he stood there in his element cooking a tin of beans.

Also had the laid back nature and cold, dead eyes of a last minute, east European stand in for a world championship boxing fight, with a dubious record of 240-0 but from a country previously thought of to have only existed in a Roy of the Rovers pre-season tour. The type of fella who the press  spends all week laughing at as he casually turns up for all the press conferences with a bit of a fat belly and bootcut jeans, only for everyone to realise he might be the real deal when he walks into the ring on fight night in only his undies. Not even a dressing gown.

Thought he'd breeze through and perhaps even kill a competitor in the process.

John, on the other hand, is one of the world's most evil men. The only saving grace about his progress is that, in true Masterchef style, he'll almost certainly get bollocked by some down to earth chef when he turns up in his recently Michelin starred fish and chip van and tries to put saffron on his chips.

Even though it spoilered it this post made me chuckle. Not a lot of likeable types on thus far!

Capt.Midnight

Picked up some great cookery tips from this show over the years - mainly to add LASHINGS OF BUTTER AND SALT to everything.

Sick of the fucking Soufflés by now though. Alright billy big bollocks, cooking your Soufflé in a high pressure environment. The show needs a Soufflé ban immediately.

bgmnts

Quote from: Capt.Midnight on November 17, 2021, 06:27:17 PM
Picked up some great cookery tips from this show over the years - mainly to add LASHINGS OF BUTTER AND SALT to everything.

Sick of the fucking Soufflés by now though. Alright billy big bollocks, cooking your Soufflé in a high pressure environment. The show needs a Soufflé ban immediately.

Have you ever quenelled anything?

Capt.Midnight

November 17, 2021, 06:35:21 PM #8 Last Edit: November 17, 2021, 08:58:17 PM by Capt.Midnight
Quote from: bgmnts on November 17, 2021, 06:29:55 PM
Have you ever quenelled anything?

I attempted it with a soup spoon once and it was a fucking disaster. Do you remember that guy whose hand kept trembling uncontrollably (almost violently..) whilst quenelling for a Michelin starred kitchen? Edge of your seat stuff. Forgot which season it was. I felt really sorry for the guy.

bgmnts

I think I do actually.

So what's the big thing in this season then? Is there a piece of equipment or a technique everyone is going nuts for? Happens every season.

Spode

Quote from: bgmnts on November 17, 2021, 06:39:00 PM
I think I do actually.

So what's the big thing in this season then? Is there a piece of equipment or a technique everyone is going nuts for? Happens every season.

Bursting a sausage or tins of beans judging by the first few episodes. I think Marcus has cracked up during lockdown.

Twit 2


bgmnts

I dare you to look him in his eyes and say that.

Spode

Quote from: Twit 2 on November 17, 2021, 07:43:10 PM
He was already mental before.

Different level this series. It's like when Jack Bauer's been out of CTU for a bit and has to get back behind the desk for a few episodes of the next series. Finds it hard to acclimatise and usually lobs off the odd head instead of pulling up people's files, shooting up in the bogs, that sort of stuff. Obviously it's a bit less severe with Marcus but he's got these lads doing sausage and mash for a skills tests and cooking from tins. He'll find his feet soon enough, like Jack, and by the end he'll probable save Grace Dent from a nuclear sweet bread.

Poobum

If this Aaron fella doesn't poison to death the family that he cooks for then he's going up against the wall with them. The other chef cooks for "madam and the kids" indeed.

amateur

This series is good, I enjoyed seeing the lad who alleged to do a million hotel breakfasts royally fuck up a Hollandaise.

Quote from: Capt.Midnight on November 17, 2021, 06:27:17 PMPicked up some great cookery tips from this show over the years - mainly to add LASHINGS OF BUTTER AND SALT to everything.

Yeah you can't go wrong with butter. I've got Marcella Hazan's italian cooking bible and without exception, every pasta recipe ends with adding a shitload of extra butter and parmesan. Guaranteed winner.

Quote from: Poobum on November 18, 2021, 12:37:49 PMIf this Aaron fella doesn't poison to death the family that he cooks for then he's going up against the wall with them. The other chef cooks for "madam and the kids" indeed.

I want nothing more in the world for 1. this guy to lose his job 2. whatever income his employers have to vanish, preferably through some kind of humiliating scam.

wooders1978

Gotta love this show "interesting day, a couple of chefs did really well, a couple struggled, now we have to decide who has the skill and the passion to go through to the next round..."

I tell you I was on fucking tenterhooks as to who it might have been leaving

Pantomime of a debate

Ray Travez

Quote from: beanheadmcginty on November 12, 2021, 07:36:16 PMWhy do so many chefs have sleeve tattoos?

I think they should skip the skills test and replace it with a sleeve-off.

beanheadmcginty

I'd love it if a chef turned up with sleeve tattoos that were just massive wooden spoons and they stirred all the food with their hands.

sevendaughters

taking three through from the quarter final, absolute bullshine, it's just cos Marcus has a hard on for that Smash Mouth-lookin aristocook.

Ray Travez

Quote from: beanheadmcginty on November 21, 2021, 01:51:36 AMI'd love it if a chef turned up with sleeve tattoos that were just massive wooden spoons and they stirred all the food with their hands.

That's beautiful.
They could also have a tattoo of a cooker on their stomach, and say, "I'm just popping this dish into the oven" and then they eat it.

Blue Jam

Quote from: beanheadmcginty on November 21, 2021, 01:51:36 AMI'd love it if a chef turned up with sleeve tattoos that were just massive wooden spoons and they stirred all the food with their hands.


icehaven

Quote from: bgmnts on November 17, 2021, 06:39:00 PMI think I do actually.

So what's the big thing in this season then? Is there a piece of equipment or a technique everyone is going nuts for? Happens every season.

Macerating things (just makes me think of toilets).
Roscoff onions
Cremeaux

Re: Psycho Marcus watch, there was a moment during the strawberry pudding skills test when he was piping little dollops of something onto the plate, and Gregg breezily said "Are you making little kisses?" to which the demon head chef dourly replies "Little domes, that are going to be torched." We should be grateful he didn't go into politics, there wouldn't be much of Europe left.

Blue Jam

I like to pretend Paul Hollywood is Marcoooos Wareing's dad, and that he encouraged him to become a murderer boxer.

Would you rather work for Gordon Ramsay or Marcooos? I think Gordo would genuinely be less scary.

Jerzy Bondov

Oh yeah Ramsay a thousand times over. At least you know where you are with him. If you work for Marcus you might think you're getting along really well until you close the bathroom cabinet and see him reflected in the mirror

icehaven

Yeah right, as if he has a reflection.

amateur

Quote from: icehaven on November 22, 2021, 02:45:36 PMRe: Psycho Marcus watch, there was a moment during the strawberry pudding skills test when he was piping little dollops of something onto the plate, and Gregg breezily said "Are you making little kisses?" to which the demon head chef dourly replies "Little domes, that are going to be torched." We should be grateful he didn't go into politics, there wouldn't be much of Europe left.

I thought he was going to chin that bloke who

Spoiler alert
didn't make him any pudding.
[close]

Poobum

Hated that Nick fella after his intro
Spoiler alert
but did feel for him as he fucked up so spectacularly .
[close]

wooders1978

Spectacular fuckup last night by the lad - serving meat raw after showing off about how cooking meat over flame was his specialty

Spoiler alert
Serving an egg yolk on a meringue ffs
[close]

icehaven

Quote from: wooders1978 on November 24, 2021, 12:16:51 PM
Spoiler alert
Serving an egg yolk on a meringue ffs
[close]

Yes that looked vile, on what planet is
Spoiler alert
a complete, wobbling egg yolk
[close]
an acceptable part of a desert?