Mate's passed on

[JamesTC]

Sorry for your loss.

I hope you know how many people on here appreciate everything you do for this place.

[Greg Torso]

Sorry to read this. Sounds like a real shit scene. Good people are hard to find, and then they're gone. At least you connected, you had something there. If he was planning to check out and everything had failed him, you were there, and his daughter. Ah, shit. Sorry. Just that. Hope you're ok.

[Barry Admin]

Just dunno what to do with myself; Jelly knows I'm upset so hasn't left my lap all day. Was listening to the Roy Harper song that you play when someone passes, broke my heart. And I thought, I should listen to some of Davie's music, what was his favourite again, oh yeah...

Wham!

He fucking loved them. Silly bastard he was.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Sorry for your loss.

[Famous Mortimer]

Just dunno what to do with myself; Jelly knows I'm upset so hasn't left my lap all day. Was listening to the Roy Harper song that you play when someone passes, broke my heart. And I thought, I should listen to some of Davie's music, what was his favourite again, oh yeah...

Wham!

He fucking loved them. Silly bastard he was.

That brings back memories - my second year housemate was on the "George Michael is pretty decent, actually" thing back in the mid 90s, and would argue, hard, about how good Wham were, long into the night.

[pigamus]

Well they were!

[checkoutgirl]

Club Tropicana is a belter and no two ways about it.

[non capisco]

Really sorry to hear of your loss, Barry. He sounds like a diamond and it's clear from how you write about him how much you enriched each other's lives. Take care, fella.

[Barry Admin]

Yeah they were alright like, it's just funny cause he looked like such a hard man.

Edit. 

[Cerys]

I hope you know how many people on here appreciate everything you do for this place.

Quoted because it bears repeating.

[IsavedLatin]

I'm so awfully sorry to read all of this, Neil, both for you and for Davie. Wishing you all the best in this terribly sad time; I hope you can take comfort from having been, clearly, a great friend and support to him.

[Cloud]

Could do with a teleport to come give you a hug to be honest.

Wouldn't beat yourself up over the call, anything could've happened.  Could've given you some positive sounding words that put you off any worry and carried on down the same path.  Just don't know, and there's no point on dwelling on it, nothing is your fault

[Barry Admin]

Yeah, we would've, he told me all was fine when I asked him repeatedly on one of the last times I saw him. I checked my phone logs and forgot I'd also rang him at other times to no answer. It just wrecks me that I was only two minutes away the whole time. And the one time he did call, was the 5 minutes in that day I wasn't on my fucking phone.

[Ray Travez]

It just wrecks me that I was only two minutes away the whole time.

I understand that. The thing is, he'd made a choice, like he described in his letter. Once someone makes a choice like that, they tend to follow it to the end, no matter who is around them who might be able to help, or even against parts of their own self.

Don't think I've put that very well. It's my experience, from when my sister died. Could see it coming, could do nothing to stop it, could do nothing (more) to help. So you're left thinking, "if things had been different" but it's... the reality is, there's nothing more you/one could have done.

[kalowski]

Man, sorry to hear this, Barry.

[Proactive]

Very sorry for your loss Barry.

[Midas]

Sorry to hear this. Take care.

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

Just dunno what to do with myself; Jelly knows I'm upset so hasn't left my lap all day. Was listening to the Roy Harper song that you play when someone passes, broke my heart. And I thought, I should listen to some of Davie's music, what was his favourite again, oh yeah...

Wham!

He fucking loved them. Silly bastard he was.

Wham are fucking mint!!!

[canadagoose]

Sorry to hear that Barry, my condolences.

[SpiderChrist]

Aw fucking hell. So sorry to read this Barry. Look after yerself. You are loved. By us lot, admittedly, but you are.

[Barry Admin]

Thanks again, I greatly appreciate all the kind words. Yesterday was really tough, but I'm just keeping myself busy now, and Jelly is still extra clingy and looking after me.

I also got the plant I wanted from Davie's flat this morning, so was very pleased about that. A nice way to remember someone; I took a cactus when my Granny passed on many years and was astonished when it turned out to flower in December. Didn't even know the Xmas cactus was a thing. Then I eventually was able to make cuttings for my mum and sis.

[Egyptian Feast]

So sorry to hear of your loss, Barry.

[Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle]

Sorry for your loss, Barry.

[Bernice]

Sounds like he had a rough life and, in the end, made his own decision. I think you know but it bears repeating: taking that call wasn't going to change the outcome. Horrible to think of a beautiful, sensitive person obliterating themselves, but it happens. You gave him support and love and companionship while he was here, which is all we can ever ask of each other. Take care of yourself.

[Barry Admin]

Sounds like he had a rough life and, in the end, made his own decision. I think you know but it bears repeating: taking that call wasn't going to change the outcome. Horrible to think of a beautiful, sensitive person obliterating themselves, but it happens. You gave him support and love and companionship while he was here, which is all we can ever ask of each other. Take care of yourself.

Thank you, yeah. I keep thinking of stuff like that, those "what ifs".

But this place has been a godsend today, and I've done the right thing keeping busy. I just stopped and took a breather in the kitchen, and quickly got weepy and miserable again. Just gonna keep distracting myself I think.

[Cloud]

Enjoying the ongoing forum revamp all the more knowing that it's helping to keep busy.  Having not been through something this heavy yet, I can't say what's good or bad but just assume that whatever helps keep you going through the grief (within reason) is a positive thing.

[imitationleather]

I just sat and cried all day, but I got out to get a pack of cigs and some air, was gonna try and knock his girlfriends daughter's door when I got back to offer my condolences. As it goes, she walked past me sitting on a rock while I was reading this thread, and so we had a long chat.  She's way more stoic than me, I had to keep wiping my fucking eyes like the big baby I am. And she lives right next door to him, and had to go in and see it all last night etc, poor woman. 

Needed that chat with her; it answered a lot of questions in my head.  He locked himself in his flat and went on a four week bender - eventually she mentioned he'd left a letter saying this is what he wanted, and he loves us.  He had been completely failed by the addiction and mental health services, repeatedly and comprehesively.  I hoped he was getting better - when he was in hospital about 6 months ago he was literally yellow and shaking like a leaf, but he'd seemed a lot better.  At one point he got me to try and buy him Librium and stuff online because he was so fucked off with the useless services that he was just gonna try and do another whole detox at home.

He phoned me a couple of weeks ago and I missed the call and phoned back within a few minutes.  I was worried cause he wouldn't usually phone late at night like that, but it just kept going to voice mail.  He wouldn't answer texts in the following days either - when someone is locked into a bender, that's it, but I'll always regret missing that call.  We're all going through that "what if" shit now, but we know deep down this is what he wanted.  Had his first drink when he was five years old ffs, alcoholic Mum, a lot of pain there, and I told him repeatedly I was always here for him - right next door, all he had to do was call. 

I tried to give him an old gaming console a few months back cause he loved driving games back in the day, and I said this would give him something to focus on as a displacement activity. He was all up for it.  So I went and dug it out and was at his door ten minutes later, but he'd already gone out and had no further interest in the console, and I knew he'd went and got a carry out.  He'd be all biz about me coming over to see the chinchilla or whatever, and then a lot of the time he'd just vanish, and that was that.

Poor fucker.  We loved him to bits, but you just can't help someone unless they really want to help themselves. 

I dunnno... thanks again, look after yourselves and those who depend on you, and those who you depend on. 

This post really hit home for me. I used to lock myself away for weeks on end like that too, years back. Don't pretend to understand what he was going through but it really made me think of that time I had my own issues and how much pain I was in without even being able to realise it.

He would've known you were a great friend to him.