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"At Christmas I no more desire a rose Than wish a snow in May's new-fangled mirth; But like of each thing that in season grows."


I live near Willy Wonka's factory

Started by Fambo Number Mive, November 18, 2021, 08:58:18 PM

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Midas

food standards agency inspectors discover german skeleton in river of shit

Fambo Number Mive

Mike Teevee in charge of the CCTV room, having sat in the same chair for twenty years, now a middle aged man with massive bags under his eyes. He briefly looks away from the screens to activate his chair toilet. An Oompa Loompa brings him a wrinkled looking hamburger and warm milkshake.


Glebe

That fucking flying lift is fucked after going through the roof and all. "Autoglass repair, Autoglass replace!"

Midas



WONKA TALKS:

"there is NO semen in the chocolate"

"these accusations have to stop"

"you reap what you sow"

Glebe

Apparently Wonka is now instructing the Oompa Loompas to dump bins of dog shit all over the factory floors. What next?!

H-O-W-L

Wonka seeks specialist in "Jammed Child" fiasco.

frajer

Willy Wonka owns this town and everyone in it, capiche? Now orange up and get declogging the child bones from this chimney.

H-O-W-L

Loompa bones discovered during patio extension at Wonka's former Devon summer cottage.

H-O-W-L


Glebe

"POUR MORE SPUNK ON THAT CARPET!"

"Yes, Mr. Wonka Sir. *singing* Oompa loompa loompa da dee, let's pour some spunk all over this carpet."

frajer

Bill Wonka? Sure, I knew him. Knew him when he was just a humble shop clerk, content with masturbating over unopened Fuse bars in the back room. But that was never going to be enough.

Midas

Willy Wonka "furious" after iconic Wonka Bar re-branded as "Bucket Bars" by new factory owner

"Buckets of what, pray tell? It's NOT semen, I'll tell you THAT for nowt!"