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If heaven exists

Started by madhair60, November 21, 2021, 01:43:14 PM

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madhair60

(it doesn't)

But if heaven existed, and it was sort of that idea of the Christian heaven, you know clouds and robes and that.

Anyway suppose that existed... would you be allowed to have an erection in heaven? Are there erections? This subject came up today so I thought I'd ask the experts what they (e)reckon.

Barry please do not H.S Art this thread as its a serious question Thank you

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

blah blah sky fairies blah blah blah dumb fantasy Christians use to comfort themselves in the face of death blah blah blah blah blah blah i'm an atheist aren't i great blah blah blah blah imagine believing in a magical old man blah blah blah all you have to do is say you're sorry after doing whatever you want blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah tedious self-satisfied wanking for pages and pages etc.

(just getting that out of the way so everyone can engage with the question)

I kinda imagine in the clouds and robes version of heaven everyone would be a bit asexual like. Hard to imagine a horny heaven

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse

seems to me that if having an erection would make you happy and is something you would see as a just reward for a good and virtuous life then yes, you would get erections in heaven.

rue the polywhirl

They probably erect statues all the time in heaven and have big ceremonies for it whilst knocking down all the  problematic ones. Yes to Marcus Rashford no to  Sir Francis Drake.

icehaven

Well I'd say erections must be OK, seeing as how God must have an extraordinarily long appendage considering he art in heaven so it must have reached all the way down to Earth to impregnate Mary (I'm not buying this virgin birth nonsense). Think Famous Mortimer's avatar but the other way round.

There's no desire in heaven. It would be strictly piss boners.

Endicott

Key part of the question is this is the 'Christian' version of heaven. Christians are either completely sexless nerks or utter filthy perverts, there is no middle ground. Either way, they keep erections behind closed doors. @madhair60, could you go back to your friends and confirm the status of closed doors in this version of heaven you've all imagined, please?

Quote from: icehaven on November 21, 2021, 01:54:59 PMWell I'd say erections must be OK, seeing as how God must have an extraordinarily long appendage considering he art in heaven so it must have reached all the way down to Earth to impregnate Mary (I'm not buying this virgin birth nonsense). Think Famous Mortimer's avatar but the other way round.

horrible

idunnosomename

The weird thing about Christian heaven is that the only person who is there body and soul now is the Virgin Mary, who had the sole privilege of the Assumption. However, at judgement day, the elect are reunited with their bodies. This is why Christians used to engage in burial and only criminals were dissected. It is a key part of the Apostle's creed.

Now, as to whether the body would be same as we had when we are alive, well, I dont know because it's all not real is it. But I suppose if you believe in transubstantiation and that things can be essentially one thing (God) but have a different external appearance (half a flying saucer with no sherbert inside), then it makes more sense that in the Kingdom of Heaven after the universal resurrection and judgement, everyone in heaven would have big superhuman giant bodies like that bald blue bloke in the comics who sits on the planet nude.

So no boners in heaven. all you do is gaze at the glory of the Godhead anyway. apparently thats all you need

I agree with the part about bodies being bad.

Imagine never worrying about having following through. No ear-hair. No dead skin. No accidentally biting your tongue.

Jittlebags

I have it on good authority that the seraphim and the cherubim are always on the bonk.

bgmnts

You'd have to massively segregate heaven wouldn't you? Presumably down to the individual.

Hard-on heaven would not be pleasing to lot's of people. Which means there'd probably be a KKK heaven or something.

Dr Rock

Seemingly you bask in His awesomeness forever, and you're not allowed to think about all the nice people who weren't allowed in because they picked the wrong religion. Not sure where the all are,but maybe they get boners. Hope this helps x

Can you call the cherubs cunts?

Endicott

Invoking God ( @Barry Admin ) just to see what happens to your account.

Cuntbeaks


JesusAndYourBush

Quote from: Video Game Fan 2000 on November 21, 2021, 02:20:47 PMCan you call the cherubs cunts?

According to an episode of QI you can call them Knob Gobblers.

Barry Admin

Quote from: Endicott on November 21, 2021, 02:21:07 PMInvoking God ( @Barry Admin ) just to see what happens to your account.

Ooh thanks, saw that alert. Brilliant stuff, I love all this :-)

JamesTC

It just wouldn't be heaven without my erection.


I've played Bayonetta. If you're wearing the right high heels, you can kick a cherub right into God's stupid face and his head spins around and his cock falls off. One million points.

Milo

It depends what people do in heaven. If it's just mooning about like someone on heroin-bliss forever probably not. If they eat nice food then there must be erections. You can't cherry-pick needs.

Butchers Blind

What kind of erections? Will they be the erections of young men?

badaids


When heaven is full the bible bashing dullard cunts will walk the earth.

No erections or anything dodgy in Heaven. Just nice people doing nice things to each other - priests giving kiddies loaves of bread. Stuff like that.


You get a grab bag of slags in jannah.
I mean, it'd probably get old fast but eternity is a long time, it'd be nice to have the option.
It doesn't look like there's much to do up there when you see the brochure.
No communal pool, not even a laser quest.

JamesTC

Quote from: Butchers Blind on November 21, 2021, 03:10:40 PMWill they be the erections of young men?

What is the age of consent in heaven?

Mister Six

Quote from: JamesTC on November 21, 2021, 04:19:36 PMWhat is the age of consent in heaven?

Everyone is 33 in Heaven, so it's not a problem.

Although that includes people who died when they were babies, so actually maybe it is.

Mavis Golightly

So if there's no erections in Heaven, does that mean they're only allowed in Hell? Asking for a friend, naturally.