Lorraine Kelly, but she really likes toast

Started by Lisa Jesusandmarychain, November 24, 2021, 08:34:47 AM

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Lisa Jesusandmarychain

The concept: Lorraine Kelly is hosting her show, and interviewing her guests as normal, except that she has a big, fuck- off toaster by her side, one that can make, like, eight slices of toast at at a time, and she is constantly toasting bread, then buttering the slices and eating them while interviewing her guests. She constantly interjects with comments like " nice bit of toast, this." And " mmmmmmm, lovely toast", and will occasionally ask her guests something toast - related, but will also pose fairly conventional questions to the guests, for her strong liking of toast is not obsessive to a monomaniacal degree. There is no iguana on her shoulder.

That's about it, really. There is literally nothing more to this concept than this.


Ocht aye, ahll just stick another wee slice a plain oan... Sorry Adele carry on


That's nothing. Carol Kirkwood has got one of these next to her weather map over on BBC Breakfast:

Hatco Toast King. 1,000 slices an hour. She can't even eat them all, but "Kirkwood needs fresh toast on hand at all times" says a BBC insider.