Ball, ball, ball, footie, footie, footie: Chant thread

[Kankurette]

No, it's like when kids learn some swear words and they don't really know how to use them.

"Yee-haw dagnammit, that ree-fur-ee is a bloody bugger wanker, Chip".

Americans have this weird idea that 'bloody', 'bugger' and 'wanker' are the only swear words we use. Joss Whedon never had Spike call Giles a knobhead. Although 'knobhead' is more of a northern thing and I think he was meant to be a Londoner.

And I know Mortal Kombat is unrealistic, but would it kill then to have the Aussie lad call everyone a cunt? It's practically a term of endearment there.

[The Mollusk]

To the tune of Rewind Bo Selecta.
Van, Per, Sie,
When a girl says 'no'
Molest her.

One of the all time greats. I think about it surprisingly often and it always gets a guilty laugh out of me.

[Kankurette]

I feel the same about the Spurs song about jelly and ice cream.

[Martin Van Buren Stan]

One of the all time greats. I think about it surprisingly often and it always gets a guilty laugh out of me.

I'd never heard it before and didn't know VPS had had any allegations against him but yeah it made me laugh. There must be a whole thread about offensive football chants. I know fans of teams playing against Leeds would chant "Yorkshire Ripper 8 - Leeds Police 0" and the like. And there have been crass chants about Hillsborough, the United plane disaster etc

[EOLAN]

They should be banned from playing it, watching it and thinking about it. Yank bastards.

It was the Canadians who came out the worst of it for me.

The Vindaloo chant did remind me that the absolute worst thing is the English Brass Band at matches.

[studpuppet]

One of the all time greats. I think about it surprisingly often and it always gets a guilty laugh out of me.

A favourite Arsenal one in the late eighties was a re-tread of old chant:

She wore
She wore
She wore a yellow ribbon
She wore a yellow ribbon in the merry month of May.
And when
I asked her
Where she got that ribbon
She said it's from a client and his name is David Pleat
David Pleat!
David Pleat!
He's a dirty fuckin' pervert and his name is David Pleat! (etc.)

[badaids]

One of the all time greats. I think about it surprisingly often and it always gets a guilty laugh out of me.

I'm glad that it's not just I that remember it. I too think about it at least once a week. And I also thought it odd that the RVP allegations disappeared and are never referred to again.

What I love about the chants, and I like to think that's it's a peculiarly British thing, a thing actually worth being proud about, is the amount of wit and smarts that are essentially cast away on something so silly and pointless.

[badaids]

There's always the ubiquitous throwaway ones like:

'she fell over! She fell over!' When someone goes down. The beauty of it is that the tone can apply to Andover or someone who's just been properly battered.

'See you then, see you then, see you then' when someone gets sent off.

And I don't know how to feel about the call and response 'fuck them up' 'get into them' chant. Which is probably horrible but great fun to sing and bounce along to.

[touchingcloth]

I took my six year-old daughter to a League/Milk/Rumbelows/Carling/Carabao Cup game at Arsenal, when Per Mertesacker was still playing, and we had a topless (male) pitch invader. When we got home she piped up to her mum, "I learned two chants today!" I froze for a second before she continued, "One was 'You fat custard, you fat custard' and the other was 'Big Friendly German, we've got a Big Friendly German...'"

What's the big friendly German one in reality?

I'd never heard it before and didn't know VPS had had any allegations against him but yeah it made me laugh. There must be a whole thread about offensive football chants. I know fans of teams playing against Leeds would chant "Yorkshire Ripper 8 - Leeds Police 0" and the like. And there have been crass chants about Hillsborough, the United plane disaster etc

I'd never heard of him before, but I typed "Van Per Sie" into google, followed the most likely-looking Wikipedia link, and was shocked to not find a subsection titled "sexual assault allegations".

[RHX]

This one was great too.

[Catalogue Trousers]

Cambridge United had a couple of memorable ones:

'Johnny Vaughan, Johnny Vaughan, give us a Moose, Johnny Vaughan give us a Moose!'

(loosely to the the tune of Dinah, Dinah, Show Us Yer Leg)

'Run, you decrepit old bastard!'

(loosely to the tune of For He's A Jolly Good Fellow, and aimed at one of their own players...)

[petril]

when they do chants just because the game is televised, that's always good

the best was when they would just call the co-commentator(never the main one, they're good eggs) or one of the pundits a wanker, a wanker

[JamesTC]

This one was great too.

I seem to remember they added to that with "He shits when he wants" soon after.

The week after, Puncheon scored and celebrated by pretending to wipe his arse.

[Kankurette]

It was the Canadians who came out the worst of it for me.

The Vindaloo chant did remind me that the absolute worst thing is the English Brass Band at matches.

The one thing I hate about Hillsborough is that fucking band. Every time we get a corner, BONG BONG BONG TOOT TOOT TOOT. Shuuuuut uuuuuuuup.

[Martin Van Buren Stan]

This is probably the best I've ever heard

https://mobile.twitter.com/optussport/status/1363338154602876929

[badaids]

It was the Canadians who came out the worst of it for me.

The Vindaloo chant did remind me that the absolute worst thing is the English Brass Band at matches.

I can't remember who said it but I remember the England Supporters' Brass Band were once described as having the elegance and timing of Mikkel Beck run into the penalty area.

For some reason I still think of this every week.

[jobotic]

Peter Reid's got a fucking monkey's heid

[yellow submarine]

[studpuppet]

What's the big friendly German one in reality?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Football
Football football
Football football
Football

BASTARD FOOTBALL

Foot foot football we'll reach for the skies
No valley too deep, no mountain too high

[Bobloblawslawbomb]

Peter Reid's got a fucking monkey's heid

[yellow submarine]

Also.....(I think sung by Newcastle fans)

'Peter Reid peels bananas with his feet'

[jobotic]

Footballs footballs
No one can stop them
They're going to do it
Like they did last year



..........Footballs!

[studpuppet]

[yellow submarine]

Man U fans used to sing 'We All Live In A Georgie Best World' with different players at every number. To take the piss, Arsenal used to sing (and some still do):

At number 1, it's Perry Groves,
At number 2, it's Perry Groves,
At number 3, it's Perry Groves,
At number 4, it's Perry Groves,
At number 5, it's Perry Groves,
At number 6, it's Perry Groves,
At number 7, it's Liam Brady,
At number 8, it's Perry Groves,
At number 9, it's Perry Groves,
At number 10, it's Perry Groves,
At number 11, it's Perry Groves,
At number 12, it's Perry Groves,
We all live in a Perry Groves world,
A Perry Groves World,
A Perry Groves World

[studpuppet]

Footballs footballs
No one can stop them
They're going to do it
Like they did last year



..........Footballs!

It's eerily similar to this.

[touchingcloth]

He does sound quite friendly.

[TrenterPercenter]

Villa's got loads of good chants tbs

My old man said be a city fan
and i said b*llocks you're a c*nt,
you're a c*nt.

We hate the blues and they f*ckin know it,
we hate the blues and were gonna show it.

With Spinksy and Birchy, Alan McInally,
there the boys who're gonna do us fine
and if you support the blues then
you're a blue nose b*stard,
and you aint no friend of mine...

ALL TOGETHER NOW! (repeat)

[Kankurette]

Football
Football football
Football football
Football

BASTARD FOOTBALL

Foot foot football we'll reach for the skies
No valley too deep, no mountain too high

It's Touré Time! (5 minutes in)

[TrenterPercenter]

Pretty tasteless again from the Villa faithful but topical at the time.

After the Togo national team attack

Salif Salifuuuu
He's bullet, bulletprooooof

[Kankurette]

When I was at United vs Chelsea, I was disappointed that the Chelsea fans didn't sing the song about celery. One thing has always bugged me: shouldn't it be a STICK of celery, not a lump of celery?

[holdover]

Peter Reid's got a fucking monkey's heid

[yellow submarine]

Hearts fans sang similar about Tony Mowbray when he was Hibs manager.  During that time Mowbray's wife died and they added a bit.

Tony Mowbray's got a fucking monkey's heid, a fucking monkey's heid, and his wife is deid.

The sheer over the top nastiness of it still makes me laugh. Absolutely no need.

[TrenterPercenter]

Steve Bruce used to get

SIT DOWN POTATO HEAD
SIT DOWN POTATO HEAD