Lines of comedy that have inexplicably sat in your subconscious ever since

[Ferris]

When I managed staff a million years ago, Paul Whitehouse's Fast Show character who needed everything explained to him regularly popped into my head.

[Gurke and Hare]

Place on plate

[idunnosomename]

The Meldrew's phone number is 4291, which seems short even for the early 90s.

Well yes it's obviously invalid so people dont ring up someone in their area and shout I DONT BELIEVE IT!!!!

We don't really have a fictional number convention like the US 555 prefix (which the simpsons used heavily in its early seasons with Klondike 555 being just about every number (K and L are the letters on the five key)

Speaking of the simpsons i cant do anything with tiny screws without wanting to say something about ants in space.

[non capisco]

When I managed staff a million years ago, Paul Whitehouse's Fast Show character who needed everything explained to him regularly popped into my head.

Yeah, "This is the mirror here, is it? So I look in here, do I?" is a longstanding brain squatter.

[Ferris]

Yeah, "This is the mirror here, is it? So I look in here, do I?" is a longstanding brain squatter.

"And I get changed in there, do I? And I take my own trousers off first, is that right?"

Etc

[non capisco]

Mention of Fanny Craddock in one of the 'cancelled' threads reminded me of another one from Stella Street. Can't go anywhere near a lamb roast without hearing Phil Cornwell as Michael Caine saying "I KNOW I'M NO FANNY BLEEDIN' CRADDOCK, BUT PEOPLE LIKE MY LAMB."

[non capisco]

There's actually loads of Stella Street ones come to think of it.

Joe Pesci saying "I'll give you mulch, you mulch fuck."

Jack Nicholson saying "I can't believe he tipped maaaaange tooooout all over her." and singing "Jackie's gonna have a bowl of Shreddies."

Bowie saying "Hello, Michael. Do you like my new foundation? Makes me look BUTTERYYYYYY!"

[jobotic]

Have you seen the date on these marshmallows?

[non capisco]

I was borrrrrrn on a right old whooshy day!

[famethrowa]

Can't remember if it was Stella Bowie, or whoever he was talking to, but the quote was "show em the suit, cause they wanna see it"

[samadriel]

This is going to sound like a needle in a haystack,  but can anyone remember which David Cross album features him saying "Hwat a load of BOOL SHIT." I love his delivery, and it pops up in my head constantly,  given the media we live with.

[Spongo McChongo]

WHAT A WHOLE SUBMARINE
see ya

Sumbarine. STOP GETTING PARTRIDGE WRONG!!!!!

[dontpaintyourteeth]

talking of David Cross. the very 'early 2000s' bit on one of his albums about "freedom lovers". "They hate us because they hate our freedom. We're freedom lovers."

[The Mollusk]

You cannot buy my opinion like you would a used motor car

[mrClaypole]

Whenever anyone asks me where anything is I have to reply in a sinister Mulligan and Ohare voice " over there by the beeef burrgers" to constant bafflement by the people asking.

[Cold Meat Platter]

'No my friend I can't see you this plate fungus obscures my view'

is what popped into my head when you mentioned M and O'H

[jobotic]

Whenever anyone asks me where anything is I have to reply in a sinister Mulligan and Ohare voice " over there by the beeef burrgers" to constant bafflement by the people asking.

Made hot dogs for the kids this afternoon and got on their nerves by singing Hot Dogs For Sale.

Got a "why are you saying that?" from my daughter at the beefburgers bit.

I do say "but where but where but where?" quite a lot.

[petril]

"that other cunt Bill Haley" too

[madhair60]

Made hot dogs for the kids this afternoon and got on their nerves by singing Hot Dogs For Sale.

Got a "why are you saying that?" from my daughter at the beefburgers bit.

I do say "but where but where but where?" quite a lot.

These plus "there he is there, by the Doritos" from Bang Bang

[JesusAndYourBush]

Mention of Bowie made me remember something I read in Melody Maker (or NME or Sounds).  It was a report on a pop/rock memorabilia auction at Sothebys and one of the items was one of Bowie's white suits and they quoted the auctioneer as saying "There's a cum stain on the fly".  That phrase has stuck with me but while I took it as gospel when I first read it, I now think that the writer was likely having a laugh.

[Pavlov`s Dog`s Dad`s Dead]

"There's a cum stain on the fly".

Credence, rewrite, &c.

[jenna appleseed]

Mention of Bowie made me remember something I read in Melody Maker (or NME or Sounds).  It was a report on a pop/rock memorabilia auction at Sothebys and one of the items was one of Bowie's white suits and they quoted the auctioneer as saying "There's a cum stain on the fly".  That phrase has stuck with me but while I took it as gospel when I first read it, I now think that the writer was likely having a laugh.

I'm now having worrying flashbacks to the (Guardian?) review of a short filler doc about obsessive music fans who hang around their heroes graves supposedly featuring somebody who'd bought Nick Drake's trousers & commented on similar stains. 

[dissolute ocelot]

The Bill Hicks thread reminded me of his routine about someone asking him "what're you reading for?" which I think of whenever I'm reading in public, and has probably made me more self-conscious about reading in public and thus spread illiteracy and stupidity.

[Gurke and Hare]

I'm reading in public

Looks like we got ourselves a reader.

[Des Wigwam]

"And I get changed in there, do I? And I take my own trousers off first, is that right?"

Etc

"like this? using this?" [indicating the steering wheel] when driving and taking directions to turn or pull in.

[Des Wigwam]

Realised I unconsciously also say "click click, two frames" if someone is explaining something simple in great detail (Charlie Higson's stop-motion animator).

[Mobius]

If the weather is nice I like to say it's "a magnificent potato of a day"

[Fr.Bigley]

"Would ye like something to eat I can do you up a salad".

[famethrowa]

Realised I unconsciously also say "click click, two frames" if someone is explaining something simple in great detail (Charlie Higson's stop-motion animator).

for fuck's sake