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Earth Shattering Local News

Started by Blumf, June 23, 2011, 04:34:22 PM

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Fambo Number Mive

Not sure if this counts as "earth-shattering" or just plain stupid. Local newspaper phones local doctors surgeries to see how long they take to answer.

QuoteOxford Mail readers have previously had mixed experiences with getting touch with their GP and being able to see them face-to-face.

Sophie Jefferies commented that the 'receptionists don't answer' while Samantha Strange said they experienced no problems throughout the entire pandemic.

They added: "My doctor surgery has ran as efficiently and fantastic as ever."

Doctors recently told the BBC that patients must stressfully 'compete' for appointments when the phone lines open.

On Tuesday October 26, the Oxford Mail phoned 10 doctors surgeries in Oxford and the results were extremely surprising...

I'm sure that people hanging on the phone to their doctor will be delighted that their local paper was clogging up the lines to see how long it takes for their call to be answered.


Is this the most patriotic motorbike?

QuoteIf you've been passed by a blinding combination of red, white a blue it may have been this bike spotted in Oxford Road on Wednesday.

Coated in at least five Union Jacks and two St George's Crosses, the motorbike is certainly hard to miss.

If you haven't seen it, maybe you've heard one of the bike four bright red horns.

Complete with a metal model spitfire attached the front, it's hard to think what would make the vehicle more patriotic.

Is it?

Is it really the most patriotic motorbike EVER?

The most patriotic two-wheeled petrol powered bike EVER? In the entire history of the WORLD? THE MOST PATRIOTIC EVER!!!!??!??!


It's an Italian scooter. For the sake of Brexit, Hang the driver!


QuoteHull Magistrates' Court heard how Macdonald forcibly entered MIND in Beverley Road the building after consuming two litres of vodka and 40 cans of Foster's and cocaine.

Fosters branching out into class As?


Love how they couldn't get into his facebook account so they copied a thumbnail and blew it up so he's just a blur.

That's journalism!

Mr Banlon

Quote from: Alberon on November 08, 2021, 08:39:41 AM
Is this the most patriotic motorbike?

Is it?

Is it really the most patriotic motorbike EVER?

The most patriotic two-wheeled petrol powered bike EVER? In the entire history of the WORLD? THE MOST PATRIOTIC EVER!!!!??!??!
Are blue lights legal on non-emergency vehicles ?
'Dickheads on dangerously over-laden mopeds' : The Fourth Emergency Service
"Make way ! There's a bloke in Grimsby who needs a tonic Harrington, STAT !"

Fambo Number Mive

"Yeah, Dave, there's a bloke in Scarborough who needs a Union Jack, you're the nearest Gammonmobile, can you take this call"

"Roger that, Nigel" WOOOOWOOOWOOOWOOO.

dissolute ocelot

But what tunes do his four horns play? You cut me up, I'll blast you with Waterloo Sunset!


Quote from: Jittlebags on November 10, 2021, 02:12:57 PM
Another one from Hull. No need to go further than the headline really:

Well, just past the headline:

"He accidentally ate his family's contact details"

Which is pure Forteana.

Fambo Number Mive

QuoteIn a clear sign that global warming is here to stay, trainee chef Csaba Andok stripped off to sunbathe in Botley Road.

He soaked up the rays in a suntrap outside the Station Grill chicken diner next to Oxford station.

While the temperature was unseasonably warm today for November - about 10 degrees C - trainee chef Csaba Andok said it felt a lot warmer in the sunshine...

Headline "Trainee chef sunbathes in November on Botley Road"


Quote from: Jittlebags on November 17, 2021, 08:15:58 PM

You need to read to find the vaguelly amusing bit.

I love the fact that it doesn't get clarified or contextualised at any point in the article.


Quote from: buttgammon on November 17, 2021, 08:38:29 PM
I love the fact that it doesn't get clarified or contextualised at any point in the article.

Yes, every reader is free to invent their own
Spoiler alert
based scenario, escalating to a spot of
Spoiler alert


Quote from: buttgammon on November 17, 2021, 08:38:29 PMI love the fact that it doesn't get clarified or contextualised at any point in the article.
Yes, just casually dropped in and then never mentioned.

Mr Banlon

Not local, from The Telegraph :
Man almost blows his own legs off in mole vendetta :
"A Czech man's overzealous attempts to rid his garden of a mole problem ended up with him nearly blowing his legs off."
"He packed the F4-type "Dum Bum" explosives inside the mole tunnel, covered them with concrete tiles and, for unknown reasons, then decided to stand on top."

Fambo Number Mive

Although it's a total non-story, it did make me smile when I read it in the Oxford Mail.

Fambo Number Mive


Quote from: Fambo Number Mive on December 09, 2021, 08:10:46 AMBin spotted on lamp post in West Oxfordshire:

Hang on a minute, that isn't a fucking lamp post. It's a bus stop sign. Modern journalism really has no lower to go.


Walsall Council issues response over calls to bring back cherished illuminations

(The response was "no")

Love the random no-mark twitter citations as well

QuoteTwitter user @[redacted] made a post calling for them to be brought back, which received more than 100 likes. She tweeted: "Bring back Walsall illuminations."


This is actually from February, but popped up for some reason in one of my feeds today.

From Sussex Live:

I went to McDonald's for the first time in 10 years - and I won't be returning

It's not even a story about someone finding a dead dog in a McFlurry or something, just a writer saying 'McDonalds is a bit crap innit', as if they've pulled the curtain back and show Ronald McDonald and the Hamburglar mid-fellatio, to the shock of us, the reader.

Also, I don't know if it's a style choice by Sussex Live, but there's not a single paragraph in the whole story more than a sentence long.

Sad wrap face.


QuoteWhen I turn 25 this month, I'm certainly not going to reflect on the last decade, gravely regretting the absence of McDonald's in my life.

One for the bucket list.



If this was in an Alan partridge audiobook, you'd laugh:

QuoteLunch menus are so creative nowadays - from a vegan BBQ 'chicken' wrap to a loaded powerhouse salad.

Fambo Number Mive

It's good that local newspapers feature planning applications but I do think the last line in this was somehow shoehorned in:

Quote...Parking bay suspension: Approximately 20 metres of pay and display parking bays will be out of action for almost two years due to the need for building site work cabins.

From January 15, parking spaces in Savile Road, in front and east of the entrance to New College School, will be suspended as cabins will be on the highway.

The work is anticipated to be completed on September 12, 2023.

Appropriate traffic signs will be displayed to indicate when the measures are in force.

Exceptions are included for emergency service vehicles and the works.

The comedian David Mitchell is an alumni of New College School...

Gurke and Hare

Quote from: turnstyle on December 21, 2021, 12:10:47 PMSad wrap face.

The caption for that picture:

QuoteEven after a decade, I new exactly what to expect

Fucking hell. The whole thing reads like she was on work experience. And those fucking <name of place> Live sites are unbearable - is there a browser extension that automatically says no to the millions of pop-ups on them?


You are using an ad blocker in your browser, right? I can't go to most websites without one.

Fambo Number Mive

Next make a mistake on their website and price dress for over £4000, makes local paper

Quote...Writing on Facebook, one person suggested the dress might be priced "ridiculously high" so that nobody buys it.

Another person added that it would be a "hilarious" prank to play on a partner.

A third said it was "probably" just a typo error.

Next have been contacted for a comment.