How big could you make a dog?

[Zero Gravitas]

Inspired by the giant sperm thread.

If you had access to the cutting edge of veterinary science and were free to dope it up with whatever dog growth hormones and nutrition required, replace all of the joints and reinforce all of the limbs.

This is a serious enquiry, no discussion of riding these animals will be cottoned to.

[imitationleather]

The issue here is that we all know the bigger the dog, the shorter the lifespan.

So you if you had a dog that was, say, twice the size of a Great Dane it'd probably only live a year or something. Which would be very upsetting and, not to mention, extremely cost-ineffective.

[Zero Gravitas]

I can't see how that can be true, Elephants can live for up to 70 years, just because it's covered in fur it'll only last 5 minutes?

You can shave the dog, and hook it up to some kind of heat exchanger to keep it cool.

[imitationleather]

FACT CHECK: An elephant is not a breed of dog.

[Glebe]

If you had access to the cutting edge of veterinary science and were free to dope it up with whatever dog growth hormones and nutrition required, replace all of the joints and reinforce all of the limbs.

[Zero Gravitas]

FACT CHECK: An elephant is not a breed of dog.

HALF-TRUE: An elephant is not a dog, it is however a perfectly valid model for canine gerontology.

Good, the size needs work but I do like the hammered copper carapace and emergency tea strainer.

[shoulders]

Great Dane Zeus made a big impression on his owners, the Doorlag family (above) from Michigan, USA. No wonder, given that he stood 111.8 cm (3 ft 10 in) to the shoulder, as confirmed in 2011. This makes him the largest dog ever verified by Guinness World Records

So at least that big.

[Captain Z]

Inspired by the giant sperm thread.

Very disappointed that I can't seem to find this.

[dissolute ocelot]

The grey wolf is the largest canid, so is probably an upper limit, although if you paint it white it looks bigger.

[Dr Rock]

How are you reinforcing the limbs? This is crucial.

[dontpaintyourteeth]

on a scale of odie to digby? probably a scooby

[The Mollusk]

I feel like if I got the job as a hype man for a dog I could make that dog huge

YOOOO HERE COMES A GOOD FUCKIN BOYYYY ARE Y'ALL READY HE'S COMING AND HE'S WAGGING HIS TAIL AND HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S READY FOR BELLY RUBS!!! MAKE SOME NOISE FOR THE DOOGGGGG

Dog would absolutely blow up, massive, biggest in the game

Top dog

[shoulders]

Absolutely fucking fuck-off cunt of the most colossal order, shits that wipe out entire regions.

[dissolute ocelot]

The grey wolf is the largest canid, so is probably an upper limit, although if you paint it white it looks bigger.

Although depending on definitions, sealions and bears can be classed as dogs or dog-like. So probably bear on stilts with some kind of big hat is the maximum land-dog.

[Dex Sawash]

No wonder more actual dogs don't post here

[Mr Vegetables]

Can I replace the limbs with very large things, then say those count as bits of the dog

[Sebastian Cobb]

Can I replace the limbs with very large things, then say those count as bits of the dog

Why not just glue the dog to an elephant's back in that case?

[Glebe]

no discussion of riding these animals will be cottoned to.

John Oliver leaves thread disappointed.

[Zero Gravitas]

How are you reinforcing the limbs? This is crucial.

Just bone fracture fixation plates, but lots of them and preemptively.

Can I replace the limbs with very large things, then say those count as bits of the dog

Seems either cheating or cruel, just slapping giraffe legs on a dog isn't a dog anymore.

Pumping it full of immune suppressants and putting the giraffe bones and muscles in there wrapped in dog seems a little cruel.

Ideally we'd have the dog making it's own dog but reinforce and encourage it as needed.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Just bone fracture fixation plates, but lots of them and preemptively.

Seems either cheating or cruel, just slapping giraffe legs on a dog isn't a dog anymore.

Pumping it full of immune suppressants and putting the giraffe bones and muscles in there wrapped in dog seems a little cruel.

Ideally we'd have the dog making it's own dog but reinforce and encourage it as needed.

What about using gene sequencing to give dogs the tall gene from giraffes?

[Ferris]

Is this the thread for me to discharge my feelings on the appalling live-action adaptation of Clifford the Big Red Dog?

[Zero Gravitas]

That's more like it!!

Assuming you can set aside your feelings about the script and tell me how big they get him and how?

[Replies From View]

The other movie comparison worth holding in mind is the Davyboy Cronenberg iteration of The Fly, in which all the most gripping features of a common housefly are projected into a human scaling.

So all anybody really needs to do here is work out the ratio of housefly size to human size, then use the same ratio to scale up a dog into a fully-fledged leaping and bounding puppylad.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

do you think when we can't use petrol any more we could maybe use giant dog vaginas as a parcel service? is that the plan behind this thread

[Video Game Fan 2000]

you cant fast travel when enemies are near

[Ray Travez]

Things were bigger in prehistoric times because there was more oxygen, so perhaps breeding a dog in an artificial oxygen-rich environment could make it bigger?

Is it true that all dogs have ancestry with wolves? Even those little ones that live in sleeves?

[dissolute ocelot]

Things were bigger in prehistoric times because there was more oxygen, so perhaps breeding a dog in an artificial oxygen-rich environment could make it bigger?

Is it true that all dogs have ancestry with wolves? Even those little ones that live in sleeves?

Dogs are all descended from crap wolves who decided it was easier to hang around humans, look cute, and beg for food around 30-40,000 years ago. Actually the history of the dog is quite complex because dogs seemingly descended from some kind of ice age wolves rather than modern grey wolves. Since then there has been a lot of dog-wolf sexy times to confuse the DNA record, so most modern wolves have a lot of dog DNA. Wolves (and hence dogs) probably descended from smaller hyena-like things such as the charmingly-named "bone-crushing dogs" (now extinct).

[Replies From View]

descended is the right word I'd say

fuckin plummeted from wolves

[Replies From View]

Do tiny little dogs know what size they are?  When they see huge dogs in a park do they think they are the same scale of animal, but standing on a lower platform?

[amateur]

No, that's too big.