The Last CaB post that made you GUFF-FOUR : The LOLy and the IV

[non capisco]

'Ave at it.

[flotemysost]

Lots of stupid laughs in the Tony's Chocolonely thread, but these astute analyses cracked me up:

Yes the segmentation is self-consciously different for the sake of it.  If you're going to do that you may as well not segment them at all; simply let people see what happens when they smack the solid bar against their limbs.

It's as if the tactic behind CHOCOLONELY was being noticed for any reason they could possibly come up with, any differences in name, design, avoid everything that is established and works because standing out for being shite is still standing out.  Everything about it gives off the stench of a pretentious roundtable committee bragging "we're so good at chocolate" and high-fiving every ten minutes.

Also I like the wonky bits. You try and snap off a small piece and get a giant piece instead. Perfect. Now I get to eat a giant piece of chocolate without feeling like a greedy cunt because the laws of physics have basically instructed me to do it. With a cadburys type arrangement you break off a single row, that doesn't feel like enough so you have to go back for a second helping and then you feel guilty for your avaricious scoffing. Just make the natural divisions bigger and let people feel nice about themselves. This is why beer should be served in wine bottles

(Love the new thread name too!)

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

The memorable teachers thread is a fucking goldmine. I love the imagery of this one, and the phrase "alarmingly long arms".

And there was Mr Ryde, a towering mix of John Cleese and Frankenstein's Monster. Rumour had it that he had had a mild breakdown in his earlier years, but if he had then by gum it made him a more interesting teacher. He'd break off describing the court of James I to dash outside and re-enter on his hands and knees proffering an imaginary salver to show how the king's servants were ordered to approach him, or would suddenly charge at the front row of desks sweeping out his alarmingly long arms while bellowing 'I'M A VIKING! I'M A VIKING!' to demonstrate the shock effect of a Nordic raiding party. Also made some rather good basic stop-motion films.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

Reminds me of one of my teachers who had a Weeble/Humpty Dumpty-ish lower body shape and it was accepted across the board at face value that this was because he had to wear a 'special truss' ever since he'd been kicked in the bollocks by a horse.

[Maurice Yeatman]

Who is the longest dead but really-existed person used to flog stuff? Does Caesar Salad count?

[imitationleather]

Haha. Excellent.

[Shaxberd]

[shoulders]

Hahaha

[flotemysost]

For instance I dreamed recently my sister went on The Chase and incorrectly answered "What is the most famous Welsh cheese?" with "Be careful", but Bradley Walsh's body tapered into a slug like lower section.

Love the hackneyed old cheese joke reimagined through a trippy off-kilter dream lens, with gastropod Bradley Walsh as a surreal bonus.

[poo]

lol

[Catalogue Trousers]

From that Chocolonely thread:

CaB skewers largely toward an older demographic basically. It's common knowledge that when you turn 40 a chemical reaction happens in your taste buds that stops you from liking treats that actually taste nice. It's a degenerative thing, so by the time you're 70 you're exclusively on the boiled sweets and pontefract cakes.
I am right about this, there was a fizzy pop type thread where everyone was all "mmm yes I am quite partial to a dandelion and burdock actually". DEAD SOON

[Kankurette]

This conversation between BSF and dontpaintyourteeth about Nine Inch Nails:

Ooh got a crown of shit have you mate? Nice one yeah catch you later, turd corona.

yeah whatwerethatallabout?? "crown of thorns" was right there, you silly billy

[Glebe]

Yamming his yogs in the night when there's nobody there

[flotemysost]

Haha cheers Glebe!

[tinner777]

Pilchard eating cunts.

succinct and to the point

[Ferris]

Posting so I can find this bastard later

[Vodkafone]

Haha cheers Glebe!

"Yamming his yogs" is absolutely terrific, love it.

[Glebe]

"Yamming his yogs" is absolutely terrific, love it.

Think this has potential to become to standard CaB phrase!

2023 will be the Year of the Yam-Yog!

[H-O-W-L]

We had an eccentric bloke like that who inherited some logic lectures on OHP from another lecturer, and made it quite clear he hadn't even bothered to flick through them, he'd change transparencies and sort of just go "erm, well yes" and lurch into it. Apart from the time he looked at it leaning backwards for about 15 seconds and uttered "I don't agree with this at all". And changed the slide.

[Kankurette]

2023 will be the Year of the Yam-Yog!

Swans consider rewrite. /gratuitous obscure musical reference

[Sonny_Jim]

https://www.itv.com/news/2022-11-28/david-walliams-pulls-out-of-charity-event-due-to-scheduling-conflicts?utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Twitter#Echobox=1669666501-1

Was scheduled to be round the back of a school with a net

The image of David Williams as a child catcher is a strong one

[Vodkafone]

Desolation posts generally get a wry chuckle from me these days, but I proper laughed at this

You have finished painting the subbuteo reenactment of the Heysel disaster.

Possibly because I can imagine someone actually doing this in all seriousness

[madhair60]

That's great

[dontpaintyourteeth]

https://voca.ro/1buzB9RHpv8a

Fits perfectly

[dontpaintyourteeth]

Fuck you, Kylian. I might well be an anonymous loser on an internet forum, but at least I wasn't named after a shit Hanson song

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

Taken the week off in case it snows. Can't be too careful.

Captain Scott, before his backers threatened to sue his ass.

[Kankurette]

Going to visit friends in Frankfurt next week, so I'm hoping to experience an authentically German Christmas market with glühwein, bratwurst, and vehicular homicide.

[RetroRobot]

That one killed me too

[mattyc]

It's a challenging wank, but not an impossible one.

[Paul Calf]

Save money on expensive music production by using 3 chords instead of 5 or 6.