Bleak Facebook Statuses

[SetToStun]

Trick is to leave a trail of books on the floor leading from the street up to your bedroom.

Helen Fielding for the older lady, anything racy for the younger lady and The Very Hungry Caterpillar if it's Thomas you're after.

[billtheburger]

To be fair, some of the quotes from the book (assuming it's the same petition that was doing the rounds on Twitter the other day) are pretty bleak anyway:

http://heartofwisdom.com/blog/pearls-to-train-up-a-child-and-child-abuse/

It is this book and it is horrid.
I just don't think it should be censored.
I doubt it is bought as a manual (or even read for free in the public domain). It's more for psychological case studies.

[billtheburger]

Anyway, Vonnegut really needs to examine his attitude towards transvestite hermaphrodites.

It's an appalling opinion from a revered writer.
But it's the only thing I knew about colons.

[MoonDust]

This then spewed out into 30 odd replies that were mostly filled with patriotic, poppy-fucking, jingoistic shit. sad thing is... The person who posted this training to be a policeman.

Cunt.

My oldest brother deleted me because I PM'd him my disagreeable stance on the fact he "liked" the page "Free Marine A" and how liking such a page is tantamount to condoning cold-blooded murder and breaking the Geneva convention[nb]I was also going to mention they hanged SS Officers at Nuremburg for doing the same thing, but thought he might disown me in reality[/nb]. Not before he tagged me in a post on said page with what I sent him privately.

I haven't yet received death threats.

Top facebook drama there. Wonder what christmas will be like..

[Mister Six]

It is this book and it is horrid.
I just don't think it should be censored.
I doubt it is bought as a manual (or even read for free in the public domain). It's more for psychological case studies.

A comment from that blog post, below. It actually disagrees with the Pearls' book and yet it sounds even more deranged. America scares me sometimes.

I had to repent of following after man in bringing up my children. I cried out to God and prayed a lot. God spoke to my heart the scripture that says older women are to teach younger woman. God showed me that Mike Pearl is out of line. He is in the wrong position. He can teach younger men, but he crosses over to teach other men's wives. God showed me how this is unbiblical. If I had relied on my gut and relied on hearing God in my quiet times of prayer, I wouldn't have hurt my children and my own mother's heart. I plead with anyone who tries to read this material. Please don't go down the road of regret as I have. God is sufficient to teach you all you need to know in training your children. Enjoy the encouragements of older women that help teach you to LOVE your children and husband.

I mean, it's nice they don't agree with what sounds like a rather disgusting book, but fucking hell.

[The Masked Unit]

My oldest brother deleted me because I PM'd him my disagreeable stance on the fact he "liked" the page "Free Marine A" and how liking such a page is tantamount to condoning cold-blooded murder and breaking the Geneva convention[nb]I was also going to mention they hanged SS Officers at Nuremburg for doing the same thing, but thought he might disown me in reality[/nb]. Not before he tagged me in a post on said page with what I sent him privately.

I haven't yet received death threats.

Top facebook drama there. Wonder what christmas will be like..

An ex-Army mate of mine posted something similar today and although I couldn't be bothered because I'm not going to change any views, I really wanted to write "Just to clarify, do you think that no rules whatsoever should apply in the theatre of war, or just for this specific incident?". It's like supporting the death sentence - easy to agree with the principle of it when faced with evil acts but doesn't stand up to any scrutiny whatsoever. People are just fucking thick. Can you imagine how quickly the current world system would break down if people were taught critical thinking in schools as a stand-alone subject.

[The Masked Unit]

One renowned author says I shouldn't do something? Best adopt that policy in the most rigid way possible then. What if another famous man says I should do the opposite?

[billtheburger]

A comment from that blog post, below. It actually disagrees with the Pearls' book and yet it sounds even more deranged. America scares me sometimes.

I mean, it's nice they don't agree with what sounds like a rather disgusting book, but fucking hell.

They shouldn't really need a God to tell them this stuff.
Bleak blog post.

[billtheburger]

One renowned author says I shouldn't do something? Best adopt that policy in the most rigid way possible then. What if another famous man says I should do the opposite?

I'm not saying follow his advice.
The metaphor he used amused me. It reminded me of the creativity of a CAB poster.

& colon.

[The Masked Unit]

I'm not saying follow his advice.
The metaphor he used amused me. It reminded me of the creativity of a CAB poster.

& colon.

Yeah, sorry, I wasn't aiming that at you. I just hate it when people post things like that on FB which is just a way of saying "Get me, I read William H Burroughs; I bet that blows you mind, eh? I bet you just watch X Factor instead."

[billtheburger]

Aye.
Even worse, recently, is quoting people I've never heard of with authority. I go and look them up, and they are a fucking blogger or whatnot. So, basically someone you agree with agrees with you and this proves we should agree?

[Petey Pate]

Even more annoying is when the quote is attributed to someone who never actually said it.  This one has been floating around the internet for years, and weirdly has also been attributed to the Dalai Lama and others.  Carlin even penned a tyrade on his website which made it clear he had nothing to do with it.

[billtheburger]

Morgan Freeman & Einstein suffer from that loads.

[Petey Pate]

The other issue with quotes and such, is that it's very easy to take something out of context.  Unless I know otherwise, how am I supposed to know that the quote wasn't just a fleeing remark that's been widely misconstrued?  There's many instances in history of this.  It's not that much better than a Christian who selectively quotes random pages from the Bible to assert their beliefs as if the fact that it's in the Bible makes it a strong enough argument.  It all comes under the "appealing to an authority" fallacy.

[DeadBishop]

A Spanish girl I have on Facebook once posted a long quote that she attributed to Shakespeare, but which a quick google informed me was a speech delivered by a former CEO of Coca Cola or something.

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them – work, family, health, friends and spirit ... and you're keeping all of these in the air.

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls – family, health, friends and spirit – are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or evenshattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for Balance in your life.

How?

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each together.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be pave.

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find time. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings!

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.

Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.

Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured each step of the way...

–Brian G. Dyson

I thought she must be a complete moron, but then I found a Spanish sugar sachet with some cheap and shitty aphorism attributed to Shakespeare, so I suppose the Spanish are just an ignorant people.

[Hank_Kingsley]

My Dream Job
I've barely thought about this, but I remember getting an idea when I watched Ugly Betty. Before they ruined the Betty/Matt ship, which I quite liked, they showed Matt working for a sports magazine and getting to hang out with sports stars - I'd love a job like that, maybe a job for a newspaper/magazine where I got to spend time talking to my favourite football stars. Hopefully we'd get on with eachother and we'd have some laddish banter too.

Of course, the downside would be interviewing people like Wayne Rooney who I find annoying.

I think my other ideas were writer for a TV show or someone who designs video games and lets someone else program them.

[BritishHobo]

Even more annoying is when the quote is attributed to someone who never actually said it.  This one has been floating around the internet for years, and weirdly has also been attributed to the Dalai Lama and others.  Carlin even penned a tyrade on his website which made it clear he had nothing to do with it.

These things make me feel really claustrophobic, like I've been trapped in the year 2001 and the only thing I can do is check my e-mail.

[DrunkCountry]

An #FBF just updated his profile image to an NSFW frontal thus: https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/q80/s720x720/563702_3470993150635_592103047_n.jpg Dunno if he's been fraped.

[chand]

Even more annoying is when the quote is attributed to someone who never actually said it.  This one has been floating around the internet for years, and weirdly has also been attributed to the Dalai Lama and others.  Carlin even penned a tyrade on his website which made it clear he had nothing to do with it.

Yeah, it doesn't even sound like something Carlin might say. There are loads of shit quotes around falsely attributed to him, fuck knows why.

[Petey Pate]

Yeah, it doesn't even sound like something Carlin might say. There are loads of shit quotes around falsely attributed to him, fuck knows why.

I found an extensive list of them here:

http://www.georgecarlin.net/boguslist.html

Carlin's aforementioned rebuttal to the "Paradox of Time" bogus is from 2001 (!)  Fuck knows why this stuff keeps cropping up over a decade later.

The actual author [of the Parodox of Time] is pastor Bob Moorehead. It's taken from his book "Words Aptly Spoken" (1995). He quit his church in 1998 after being accused of sexually fondling male members of the congregation.

[Hank_Kingsley]

What Would Jesus Do?
We had a discussion today about the ongoing protests at St. Paul's, and what Jesus would do. I was surprised at the number of comments that Jesus would probably join in the protesting and that he was probably a socialist, which isn't how I picture him at all - I'd put Jesus firmly as a centrist, with no left/right wing political leaning. As for what he would do, I reckoned he would probably preach to the protestors, and - being Jesus - he'd probably convince them by telling them that however unfair they thought life was, Heaven would be better - and after the sermon they would just pack up and leave.

But I also reckon he would spend a lot of time with the bankers - they're kind of like today's tax collectors, who Jesus spent a lot of time with because he knew they were sinners and needed saving.

Ledge.

Sitcom Scene
Actually, a thought came to me just now - maybe the action could be interspersed with the main character talking to the screen. I'm not totally sure about this really because I think I've seen a sitcom that does this - coming up with an unused gimmick is not easy though.

Anyway, quick scene:

SCENE X: INTERIOR SHOP

GAVIN is holding a pack of sandwiches and a drink; he is looking quite hot and sweaty; he takes a newspaper and carries it over to the counter - a supplement is seen dropping from the paper.

Unexpectedly an OLD MAN taps GAVIN aggressively on the shoulder. Started, he turns around.

THE OLD MAN points to the supplement on the floor; GAVIN sheepishly picks it up. A close up shows that it is an ad for stairlifts, which he couldn't possibly want.

(CUTAWAY - GAVIN: I can only assume he thought I was purposely littering the place; what could I possibly want with a stairlift ad anyway? And why do they put them in every newspaper?

Anyway, it was after this that something else happened.)

Feeback is appreciated; did any of it make you laugh?

SCENE X: INTERIOR SHOP

GAVIN is leaving the counter now, looking conscious that the old man is glaring at him as he leaves. As he opens the door, he holds it open for three twentysomething guys who are entering; all three are shirtless.

SHIRTLESS GUY #1: Thanks, man. You must be boiling hot in those clothes!

GAVIN: Uh...

SHIRTLESS GUY #1: And no staring at my nipples!

(The three guys laugh).

(CUTAWAY - GAVIN: I find it really hard to go shirtless in public; I just feel so self-conscious; I don't know how other people can manage it. Anyway, after this happened, I got a bit bolder.)

SCENE X: Park.

There is a single bench, and a fence behind it, which is just over waist height, extending for some way. GAVIN sits down with his sandwich and paper, and removes his shirt, placing it beside him.

A few moments later, a woman (age: 35-40) comes into view, walking behind the fence (only her top half is visible). As she reaches the bench, she stops in her tracks.

WOMAN: You naughty, naughty boy!

GAVIN freezes, and glances around. The WOMAN seems to be staring at him.

WOMAN: Put that back on right now.

GAVIN nervously puts his shirt back on, then gets up to walk away.

WOMAN: And SIT DOWN - or I'll give you a spanking!

GAVIN turns to the woman.

GAVIN: Leave me alone! I don't know what your problem is, but I am not interested in your kinky sex games!

The WOMAN looks shocked.

The camera angle now shows GAVIN's point of view over the fence, and we see something that wasn't visible before. The woman is pushing a pram, which was previously hidden by the fence. A small child is in the process of sitting back down in the pram, and the WOMAN bends down to pick up the child's shoe, which lies abandoned on the footpath.

Cut to:

GAVIN with one black eye.


...More later.

This would be part of the first episode (this is part of how he ends up at the interview with two black eyes). While it isn't an exact account of events that have happened to me, there are similarities. For example, I've picked up newspapers in shops and been suddenly stopped because something I don't want in the first place like a chairlift ad has fallen out, and there was one occasion when a woman did start shouting at her kid in a pram but because the pram was behind a fence I thought she was nuts and she was shouting at me - though of course I embellished the situation and the real version did not involve me shouting back at her because I realised what was going on faster.

Oh Gav.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Here's another bleak post from my friend Wendy:



I've got a feeling we won't be friends for much longer, somewhat sadly. She used to be such a sweet lass, too...

[BritishHobo]

I love that distinction. They're always so quiet when they're talking our language, but it's when they speak their foreign,[nb]I'm afraid[/nb]they're just too darn loud.

[werfvgbhnj]

She has literally never considered that words she doesn't understand stand out more. To her, it's simply that FORREN is LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS and she's not going to budge on that.

[Brunette Romana 2]

Here's another bleak post from my friend Wendy:



I've got a feeling we won't be friends for much longer, somewhat sadly. She used to be such a sweet lass, too...

Good for you SMBH! I'm far too reticent when it comes to people posting cunty things; I just ignore/hide or defriend.

Eta:  aargh! Fucking Bitstrips shitting all over my newsfeed. They were mildly annoying before, but now a few fb friends seem to be describing all the lame, boring minutiae of their lives via these poorly rendered comics. 

[Bored of Canada]

Ah dear. I just went on the lookout for some good bleak ones from all the people I went to high-school with, who added me but I immediately unsubscribed and stopped them from seeing anything I posted.

But man. They were just so depressing. Not in an interesting way. Just in a hideously bleak void. EDIT: Spoilered for Unpleasantness. I guess I need to Spoiler bleak stuff in the Bleak Facebook thread, apparently..

Spoiler alert

I'd really not want to post them because it'd just be fruitless attempts to catch up and attempting to forge a connection with anyone, literally anyone who may see their status of "Like if you want to know what I think of you", which has zero likes.

Ergh. It's too late for this stuff. Not to mention the fella whose cover photo is the fox he mutilated. It's fucked up. I mean, I came from the country, so I'm used to the idea of hunting, but it's literally a photo of a fox he's blown away with a shotgun, and pulled it's snout into flesh strips like a banana peel, hanging of it's face with it's sad bloody eyes staring.

[close]

It is 1 in the morning on a Thursday night. I'm not mentally ready for this much bleakness. It's been a weird day.

[momatt]

I love that distinction. They're always so quiet when they're talking our language, but it's when they speak their foreign,[nb]I'm afraid[/nb]they're just too darn loud.

I actually prefer loud foreign people as their speech is just filtered out by my brain as a type of noise.  Plus I can play games and pretend they're talking about their favourite Transformers or how cool I am.  And they sound funny.

Loud English people who I can understand are far harder to ignore.  No matter how dull and obnoxious they are.

Ah dear. I just went on the lookout for some good bleak ones from all the people I went to high-school with.  They were just so depressing. Not in an interesting way. Just in a hideously bleak void.

I would definitely flag that as inappropriate.  I do it all the time, even for stuff that's alright.

[Bored of Canada]

I would definitely flag that as inappropriate.  I do it all the time, even for stuff that's alright.

I would, but I decided it'd be easier to actually just remove him from my friends list, so I did.
No point in snitching on the guy who clearly enjoys torturing animals. Safer to just remove him from my life.

[billtheburger]

aargh! Fucking Bitstrips shitting all over my newsfeed. They were mildly annoying before, but now a few fb friends seem to be describing all the lame, boring minutiae of their lives via these poorly rendered comics.

Sadeep regretted getting his blue wings.

[ProvanFan]

Anyone got any herbalife zombies among their facebook friends?

They had a big rally in Germany this year. The next superpower.