Bleak Facebook Statuses

[chand]

This

Yeah, you know what the real problem is in this country? Not enough parents are taking responsibility and beating their stupid fucking smart-alecky kids to death.

[Milo]

It's also internally inconsistent - in order to know with certainty that the consequence of speaking to parents in a particular way is a fatal beating, some children must have been speaking to their parents in that way.

[The Masked Unit]

Not bleak, as such, but this just happened right before my eyes.

A while back somebody's mum wrote as a status update something about how half the updates she sees on FB contain spelling errors, bemoaning kids these days etc, but failed to use the correct punctuation or even start each sentence with a capital. I just about managed to resist pointing this out, although I probably would have done so passive aggressively "Yeah, some people don't even punctuate correctly or use capital letters at the beginning of sentences. Thick twats."

Now, I too cringe when I see language abused, but my policy is that unless you can be sure that 99.5% of what you write or say is grammatically correct, then shut the fuck up about other people's grammar. I can't honestly say that I always use who/whom in the right way, and I'm certainly a bit heavy-handed with semi-colons, so I try not to get too het up about a missing apostrophe, because it's the same fucking thing.

[WesterlyWinds]

Semi-colons are cool though; for example, just now.

[The Masked Unit]

Oh no doubt; I fucking love them.

[Brunette Romana 2]

Me too; you've probably noticed...

[Retinend]

? Perfectly reasonable.

[Flouncer]

A while back somebody's mum wrote as a status update something about how half the updates she sees on FB contain spelling errors, bemoaning kids these days etc, but failed to use the correct punctuation or even start each sentence with a capital. I just about managed to resist pointing this out, although I probably would have done so passive aggressively "Yeah, some people don't even punctuate correctly or use capital letters at the beginning of sentences. Thick twats."

Now, I too cringe when I see language abused, but my policy is that unless you can be sure that 99.5% of what you write or say is grammatically correct, then shut the fuck up about other people's grammar. I can't honestly say that I always use who/whom in the right way, and I'm certainly a bit heavy-handed with semi-colons, so I try not to get too het up about a missing apostrophe, because it's the same fucking thing.

It's also pretty appalling to see people get a roasting when, judging from the kind of mistakes they make, there is a good chance that they're dyslexic or something. I've seen this happen a time or too.

[Hangthebuggers]

Royal marine kills taliban. Gets done for murder. Am i missing something!?

This then spewed out into 30 odd replies that were mostly filled with patriotic, poppy-fucking, jingoistic shit. sad thing is... The person who posted this training to be a policeman.

Cunt.

[billtheburger]

[Thomas]

Nah, disagree with that, Kurt; they look pretty.

I'd agree with Fitzgerald's comment on exclamation marks -

Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.

- except Neville Chamberlain uses them so well. Depends on context. What if you're using semi-colons for a joke, like on Top Gear?

[Tiny Poster]

I use semi-colons all the time, and all I have are GCSEs.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I've a friend who often posts those attention seeking "So miserable right now" type messages, without ever revealing why. And has just done so once again a short while ago. So I've tried to help out.



I'll report back if this is successful.

[Uncle TechTip]

For extra points you need to like the status and your pithy suggestion.Maybe give her a poke too.

[Goldentony]

about that Vonnegut quote up there, I saw John Waters on Friday and he mentioned that quote dickheads sometimes put up the way dickheads who put up quotes sometimes do about not fucking somebody if you go back to their house and they don't have books that he is reported to have said. He put a nail in the fucker by basically saying, comedically like, it was a load of bullshit, and impossible to follow if they were cute. I wish more people responsible for that type of shit would come out and go "fuck off you stupid bastard" whenever they get co opted by twats.

[Thomas]

I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

[BritishHobo]

If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

[Petey Pate]

Just when I thought I had all the idiots unsubscribed.



To be fair the Huffington Post can be annoying, but the way they dismiss the article is complete bullshit.  The article itself is bullshit, but for entirely different reasons.  The author doesn't even mention he's writing a book in the article.  The very Tory minded "NO THERE IS A DEFICIT" logic is infuriating as is the fact his first course of reasoning is to make a joking generalisation about Americans[nb]though as rightly pointed out, it has nothing to do with America or Americans[/nb]... and then reveal that he was actually more or less being serious.  I was itching to comment but I don't know either person well enough and don't have the energy to get into a (pointless) argument.  I'm not even friends with John and have no idea who he is but Lizzie is quite attractive so I think she'll remain on my feed for now.

[Thomas]

Nah, keep out of 'serious' stuff on Facebook, that's my policy. Contribute a tongue-in-cheek comment, at the most, and never look back. Anger people. Lose friends.

[Morrison Lard]

A friend of a friend of a friend-


Bleak.

[BritishHobo]

Is the friend of a friend Miley Cyrus?

[Genevieve]

There's nowt wrong with people asking a "stupid" question in order to find things out, encourage debate and so on, I see nothing to complain about there.  Not many people take the slightest interest in the economy and trying to get to the truth behind headlines/government press releases so I think they should be encouraged.  If you are very well informed, join in the conversation with a kindly worded rebuttal, otherwise leave off, a la Thomas.

This other bloke, he thinks friending people/celebs on facebook definitely means sexing is on the cards?  That makes the whole experience rather worrying.

[Petey Pate]

I have no issue with her asking the question to begin with and I agree that them taking an interest is good even if I don't agree with their conclusions.  It's just irritating that the level of debate on the merits of the article is so poor.  To be completely honest, my annoyance also comes from me being frustrated at not knowing how best to comment myself, as truthfully, I'm not that well informed either.  I agree with Thomas that it's best to leave off these things, which is which I somewhat unwisely decided to vent on here instead.

[Genevieve]

Nah, you're cool mate, for the same reason as said before: chat.  Chat's better than silence generally.  I'm high as a kite and definitely not in a mood with you.

[robotam]

? Perfectly reasonable.

Yeah, it's fine. I just looked up how to take a screenshot and then went on facebook looking for something bleak. Didn't really find anything, I just thought it was an odd thing to like on facebook, but it's not really.

[waste of chops]

Apt title for the outspoken privileged to demand censorship.

But no, it was some book about bringing up kids.

To be fair, some of the quotes from the book (assuming it's the same petition that was doing the rounds on Twitter the other day) are pretty bleak anyway:

http://heartofwisdom.com/blog/pearls-to-train-up-a-child-and-child-abuse/

[chand]

about that Vonnegut quote up there, I saw John Waters on Friday and he mentioned that quote dickheads sometimes put up the way dickheads who put up quotes sometimes do about not fucking somebody if you go back to their house and they don't have books that he is reported to have said. He put a nail in the fucker by basically saying, comedically like, it was a load of bullshit, and impossible to follow if they were cute. I wish more people responsible for that type of shit would come out and go "fuck off you stupid bastard" whenever they get co opted by twats.

I hate that quote too, it's always perpetuated by the kind of wankers who think they're really interesting because they've read a few novels, with a straight-up fetishisation of books as an inherently superior medium. Like they want to tell people they fucked someone really smart and they stayed up all night having a deep conversation about great literature when in reality they broke an awkward post-coital science with "oh hey, you read Murakami? Cool" and the dude offered to lend her Slaughterhouse Five to set up an excuse to see her again.

I mean, it obviously makes no sense as a strategy, all my books are still in crates and I do my current reading on a Kindle so anybody considering whether or not to have sex with me is gonna be working off a false prospectus anyway. But of course people who post that shit don't actually live their lives that way, it's just shorthand for "Hey, I read books and it makes me sensitive and interesting and someone you should fuck, not like those horrid savages you like".

Anyway, Vonnegut really needs to examine his attitude towards transvestite hermaphrodites.

[WesterlyWinds]

Wait, what? Having books leads to sex? Why was I not informed of this?

[chand]

Wait, what? Having books leads to sex? Why was I not informed of this?

Trick is to leave a trail of books on the floor leading from the street up to your bedroom.

[WesterlyWinds]

Trick is to leave a trail of books on the floor leading from the street up to your bedroom.

Great thanks. Think I should lead with some Voltaire or some Bachelard?