Experiencing comedy cliches in real life.

[non capisco]

I don't know if this counts as a comedy cliche but it sort of feels like one. I had a one night stand once and when I woke up in the morning I realised in my lust crazed demi-fugue state I'd somehow completely failed to notice the entirety of her bedroom was covered Jed Maxwell style in posters, drawings and plush toys of Pikachu. The little yellow cunt was everywhere. Pikachu looming at you from every angle, up to and including a massive poster on the ceiling of him dancing about. I hadn't taken any of this in before and it wasn't like the bedroom light had been off and we'd been going at it in pitch darkness. To this day I don't know how it hadn't immediately registered, it was like I'd fallen asleep and all this Pikachu shit had been strategically put there to put me off asking if I could see her again oh wait

I don't actually think that had been the case. Anyway, we went to a cafe that morning and she turned out to be quite the racist so I don't think it was ever meant to be.

[Phoenix Lazarus]

it split my scalp open and made me bleed so heavily my vision went black and white.

Shame you weren't an adult living alone.  You might have got a discount on your colour TV license.

[JesusAndYourBush]

There's a story I was told about a relative who had an arrangement with his wife that if he'd won the football pools his wife would wave to him from the house as the bus passed (because the bus stop was down the road but went past the house, and he'd have to leave the house for work before the radio had anounced it).  So his wife waves to him from the house and he goes into work and knocks seven shades of shit out of the boss telling him he'd won the pools, and when he gets home he discovered his wife was waving because he'd forgotten his packed lunch.

Just thinking about it now it's bullshit isn't it?  You'd have to listen to the football results in the evening and tick off how many draws you got, or check the results it in the paper the next day. Plus you could win but it'd only be a smallish amount not a jackpot.  It even sounds like a plot from a sitcom.

[Jittlebags]

Remins me of the day, about 40 years ago whilst riding my motorbike with the wife on the back, I drove into one of those 70s red and white workmen's tents, converting it into a motorised tent, cruising down the road whilst my wife's arse got jammed in a manhole much to the chagrin of the workers underneath. Erm.  hold on...

[Dex Sawash]

I don't know if this counts as a comedy cliche but it sort of feels like one. I had a one night stand once and when I woke up in the morning I realised in my lust crazed demi-fugue state I'd somehow completely failed to notice the entirety of her bedroom was covered Jed Maxwell style in posters, drawings and plush toys of Pikachu. The little yellow cunt was everywhere. Pikachu looming at you from every angle, up to and including a massive poster on the ceiling of him dancing about. I hadn't taken any of this in before and it wasn't like the bedroom light had been off and we'd been going at it in pitch darkness. To this day I don't know how it hadn't immediately registered, it was like I'd fallen asleep and all this Pikachu shit had been strategically put there to put me off asking if I could see her again oh wait

I don't actually think that had been the case. Anyway, we went to a cafe that morning and she turned out to be quite the racist so I don't think it was ever meant to be.

[non capisco]

We were around the same age. I met her because I did a pratfall in the snow and found her blackberry half buried where I landed and returned it to her after she rang it, which dates this story technologically. Remember blackberries, Stew?

Nothing that interesting happens to me these days.

[flotemysost]

Oh, the "waking up in a strange bedroom and looking around at the posters/books/decor to realise with dawning horror that your date is [something weird/unsavoury]" is absolutely a comedy cliche! I nearly had this once, with what would in itself have been a thunderously unimaginative cliche had it actually appeared in a comedy -

Spoiler alert

a copy of Mein Kampf on the bedside table

[close]

- but I'm afraid a) it's true and b) I'd already clocked it when entering the room.

Spoiler alert

History buff, not Nazi. Still, joke was on me, as that wasn't the only struggle etc. etc.

[close]

Another massive cliche - forgetting someone's name and performing all sorts of conversational gymnastics to avoid admitting to the fact - also happened to me on a date of all situations, it was actually a colleague (in my defence it's a massive company and I'd never met the guy until I gave him my number at a big Christmas party, but later realised I hadn't actually saved his under anything, and couldn't remember what he'd introduced himself as). I'm no good at this stuff though, so I just asked flat out when it became obvious there was no smooth way of shoehorning it into our chat ("So, that new work voicemail system where you have to say your own name, eh, what's that all about? Actually, can we take it in turns to a practice now?"). I'm sure there must've been other occasions I've done this with other people's names because my capacity for remembering anything remotely useful is absolutely piss poor.

Being hideously uncoordinated I've been responsible for a good few Bart Simpson-esque escalating sequences of multiple things falling over/breaking/getting destroyed. I accidentally smashed a glass beaker in the school science lab once, seconds after a stern sermon from the teacher abut how they were very delicate and expensive and we needed to be careful with them - then, as I plodded sheepishly to get a dustpan and brush with the whole class watching me silently, I clumsily swiped another one off someone's desk with my elbow and condemned that to smithereens too.

And I've posted a few times about when I fell off a chair in slow motion in the middle of a Python coding course, and didn't realise what had happened until I was in a crumpled heap on the floor. It's a very mundane and not-very-funny-sounding incident to describe, but I still crease up whenever I remember it (as do the friends I was with at the time) - they said it was something about watching someone insisting that everything's OK, even as that pretense becomes increasingly flimsy, but distilled into a few surreal seconds. I think generally people maintaining they've got it all under control when it's patently clear that's not the case tends to be very funny (apart from when it's incredibly tragic, of course).

[kalowski]

Another massive cliche - forgetting someone's name and performing all sorts of conversational gymnastics to avoid admitting to the fact

I once got utterly leathered and somehow copped off with this cool woman, whose name I totally forgot. I was speaking to her and someone else when it became obvious I'd forgotten, and that I'd also forgotten the "clue" she'd given ne earlier.
Me: "This is...er....er"
Her: "Remember. Like the wind!"
Me: "Yes. Windy!! This is Wendy."
Her: "My name is Gail."

[holdover]

I witnessed an almost Del Boy Falls Thru The Bar type thing in Leslie's Bar in Edinburgh. There's a wee snug when you enter through the left which has some corner seat and a couple of stools. There's lots of lovely old wood panelling and a door which connects to the rest of the bar. A friend was being served and while he was waiting for the drinks to be poured he was kneeling on he stool he'd been sat on. He must of wobbled slightly so put his hand out to steady himself against the wall which was actually the door. He just vanished in a flash.

We'd only just arrived and so weren't even tipsy but I don't think I've laughed so far before or since. It was perfect.

[non capisco]

Oh, the "waking up in a strange bedroom and looking around at the posters/books/decor to realise with dawning horror that your date is [something weird/unsavoury]" is absolutely a comedy cliche! I nearly had this once, with what would in itself have been a thunderously unimaginative cliche had it actually appeared in a comedy -

Spoiler alert

a copy of Mein Kampf on the bedside table

[close]

- but I'm afraid a) it's true and b) I'd already clocked it when entering the room.

Spoiler alert

History buff, not Nazi. Still, joke was on me, as that wasn't the only struggle etc. etc.

[close]

Hahaha, that light bedtime reading classic! Judging by the hair raising opinions the woman in my story ended up coming out with I think the only reason that wasn't on her bedside table is because the author neglected to mention Pikachu's role in his vision of an Aryan-Nordic master race. 

[JamesTC]

Had a bit of a sitcom style misunderstanding on Friday.

Was going to see a Doctor Who exhibition with my brother-in-law. He was driving as we were chatting about old episodes. He mentioned how he had a great memory of the Cybermen exiting the tomb in The Tomb of the Cybermen. We stopped at a pedestrian crossing and he started doing an impression of the Cyberman exiting the tomb with his arms and a guy on a Zimmer frame crossing the road started pointing down at his Zimmer frame angrily, and we realised he had thought my brother-in-law was trying to rush him across the road.

[flotemysost]

^ hahaha, I feel awful for laughing but that's fantastic.

[dissolute ocelot]

I once saw a kid on a bike, fleeing the police, cycle straight into the side of a stationary car and go sailing over the bonnet in a beautiful circle. The boy cyclist was being chased down the pavement by a police car on the road shouting at him, and the car he hit was blocking the pavement as it waited to get into the Masonic Lodge car park, so pretty much a perfect set-up. He seemed fine, not sure about the car.

In school I swung back too far on a chair and banged my head on a radiator and cracked my head open.

Also, I too have walked into a signpost while on my phone. Bloody nose, no birds or stars.

[famethrowa]

Saw a proper car chase on the highway, the cop car was chasing some crappy car up the wrong side of the road. I kept following so I could rubberneck, went round the corner and here's the crappy car stopped, both cops out of their car and running up to the windows. Crappy car casually drives off, leaving the cops stumbling and sprinting back to their stationary car like they're in Reno 911 or something.

[billyandthecloneasaurus]

When I was in high school, I was playing football in the sports hall. A very clumsy kid tried to kick the ball but missed and started falling backwards. He fell into the fire exit but managed to fall onto the handle and open it which caused him to continue falling outside.

Haha, something similar happened to me.  I briefly played 5-a-side when I was at uni, we were all out of shape smokers and drinkers, I think we finished with something like -60 goal difference.  Anyway, some tough scally shoulder barged me through the fire exit in my last game.  I did coyly come back to walk around a bit occasionally kicking people for the last 5 minutes, but I might start telling the story as though I just went home immediately after falling outside as it's a funnier story.

[Ray Travez]

Just thinking about how often I've had sausages and mash but I've never once piled the mash up and stuck the sausages into it like in the Beano. I'm absolutely furious with myself.

I've done this. To complete the effect, before you start eating you hold the knife and fork aloft with your fists, eyes wide and your tongue sticking out the side of your mouth

[Hobo With A Shit Pun]

Sausage inside mash disproportionately hot compared to bare ends.

Suddenly heard this in the voice of Jimmy from Reggie Perrin.

[Flatulent Fox]

I was hoping to give my sister's husband a makita drill for christmas,only to find the same drill in a charity shop.Minus the charger.
But he's a right prick.

[Dex Sawash]

I was hoping to give my sister's husband a makita drill

Saw that clip on xhamster

[Sebastian Cobb]

Someone's trousers splitting after they bend over to pick up a penny, revealing that their underpants have hearts on them.

Anyone seen this? Someone getting vanilla ripped trou in real life is hardly Blazing Saddles

Guy at work once came in late claiming he slipped on ice in the car park and split his trousers and went home to change, he even went to the effort of bringing the busted trousers with him.

[dissolute ocelot]

I split my trousers at school, it seemed quite common - combination of cheap uniforms, children growing, and rowdy tomfoolery. Usually not done by anyone wearing hilarious underwear, so it doesn't really count.

Someone falling face down in mud and getting covered head to toe was also common wherever we were out of school and there was mud. Didn't even require a bully to give a push, people would be begging to lie down in the dirt.

[jobotic]

I split my swimming trunks in the pool when I was a teenager. My friend had to walk close behind me as we headed to the changing rooms so that no one could see my BARE BOTTOM

[Kankurette]

 - I am working as a legal secretary in a criminal defence firm
 - Phone rings as I'm walking across office
 - I plonk my fat bum down on the nearest desk to answer it
 - The desk caves in and I end up on the floor with a cut leg and have to explain to the person on the phone what the loud noises were
 - The desk is fucked

Also I got beaned by a printer cartridge. It was surprisingly heavy.

[gilbertharding]

I walked into a lamp post once, and my friend watched me do it (I was looking at him, hence not seeing the lamp post), and didn't warn me because (he said) he'd never seen anyone walk into a lamp post before.

[petril]

- I am working as a legal secretary in a criminal defence firm

Human League consider rewrite

[robhug]

I was talking to a chap at work who rather harshly was being mean to a woman called sue smith who also worked there, who was peak morbidly obese, by blowing his cheeks up and stretching his arms out to outline a massive gut whilst rolling from foot to foot. As he walked off there was sue smith standing directly behind him, piece of paper in hand ready to ask him a question. 

[Sebastian Cobb]

Go to push in button on pedestrian crossing on a hot summers day, seagull stood on top shits all down my bare arm.

[Brundle-Fly]

In my best suit on the way to a fancy do only to have a double decker bus drive through a huge puddle, drenching me from head to toe. I even spat out a bit of water after the soaking.

[Sebastian Cobb]

In my best suit on the way to a fancy do only to have a double decker bus drive through a huge puddle, drenching me from head to toe. I even spat out a bit of water after the soaking.

I had this but with one bus towing another one, puddle was too long to pass so I just had to accept my fate and turn my back. It went on for what felt like ages.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

A colleague was walking to the office first thing in the morning when a seagull unloaded on her head and shoulders a shit of such epic proportions that she had to go straight back home for a shower and change of clothes.

Luckily for her it happened at 8.30 on a workday in the middle of town so the only people who witnessed her embarrassment were the motorists driving slowly along one of the busiest roads in the town centre, people queuing at the eight or so nearby bus stops and the students walking to the university directly opposite.