Argylle (2024)

[Jerzy Bondov]

Good video about what a grasping rip-off merchant Krasinski apparently is here:

YES love this. Put the boot in. Never liked him. Hehehe. Oooh he should be Mr Fantastic, NO!! He's CRAP!

[The Culture Bunker]

Good video about what a grasping rip-off merchant Krasinski apparently is here:

I lasted three minutes before I got tired of the bod's voice, which just seemed to be aimlessly ranting about a famous actor being a safe bet for the industry to throw money at while the world burns. Nothing new there. What's the rip off angle?

[C_Larence]

The all timer for poster quotes is this

[Jerzy Bondov]

I lasted three minutes before I got tired of the bod's voice, which just seemed to be aimlessly ranting about a famous actor being a safe bet for the industry to throw money at while the world burns. Nothing new there. What's the rip off angle?

It's not really aimless, it's that Krasinksi did a 'Good News' show which was basically just aggregating news stories from the internet, made out it was some scrappy thing he did with a couple of mates even though it had a hired production crew and marketing team, sold it to a network for big money and washed his hands of it. Also Lip Sync Battle is ripped off from drag culture and that A Quiet Place was based on an existing screenplay which is itself ripped off from the book The Silence. Then he goes into how you could do a show focused on 'good news' without propping up the status quo and brushing difficult topics under the rug. Then it's back to Krasinski, accusing him of shilling for the CIA, followed by footage of him shilling for the CIA. Good stuff I thought.

[The Culture Bunker]

It's not really aimless, it's that Krasinksi did a 'Good News' show which was basically just aggregating news stories from the internet, made out it was some scrappy thing he did with a couple of mates even though it had a hired production crew and marketing team, sold it to a network for big money and washed his hands of it. Also Lip Sync Battle is ripped off from drag culture and that A Quiet Place was based on an existing screenplay which is itself ripped off from the book The Silence. Then he goes into how you could do a show focused on 'good news' without propping up the status quo and brushing difficult topics under the rug. Then it's back to Krasinski, accusing him of shilling for the CIA, followed by footage of him shilling for the CIA. Good stuff I thought.

Right, so "entertainment industry is the entertainment industry"? Fair enough if people haven't noticed how that has been going on over the last 100+ years.

[Jerzy Bondov]

So because it's not surprising it's not worth mentioning?

[Mister Six]

Is The Culture Bunker John Krasinski's mum?

[The Culture Bunker]

I've no feelings whatsoever about the man, just that someone ranting about him doing some inane online show and making a pile of cash off it (due to his fame) doesn't strike me as that interesting. Hot take, I know, but that's just the kind of edgy maverick I am.

I will say at least Krasinski looks to have made a profit from his efforts, which may well be a lot more than the makers of this Argylle film will.

[Blue Jam]

It's set to be Apple's latest $200m turkey that doesn't make its budget back in cinemas, after Killers of the Flower Moon and Napoleon, but is forecast to make only $20m in its opening weekend.

Only found out it was an Apple TV original today and that settled it for me. Will be giving this one a miss.

I don't know how Apple's usual strategy of of throwing vast amounts of cash at things seems to be a winning formula for their original TV series but has resulted in some very disappointing original films. Bodes well for Wycaro I guess.

[Blinder Data]

for what it's worth I couldn't give a fuck about John krasinksi and I found the man in that video quite annoying

to that end I've decided to film a 40 minute YouTube video about this, like and subscribe folks!

[perplexingprocrastinator]

I found the man in that video quite annoying

*he's quite funny, does comedic leftwing polemics / your mileage may vary re. his schtick - shtik? schtik? - persona

[Butchers Blind]

I have a Limitless Odeon thing so I went to see this yesterday as I can balance this out by seeing two other decent movies this month to make it worthwhile.
This is a spectacularly bad film. Nothing works. The lack of a decent script is papered over by trying to have what it thinks are clever plot twists; they're not. There is zero chemistry between the two leads, despite Rockwell trying his best. Why Bryce Dallas Howard keeps getting cast in films can only be nepo reasons as she's an empty room of charisma. The actions scenes are carbon copies of carbon copies of other better films of this genre.
The ending hints at sequels; there won't be.

[Famous Mortimer]

Also Lip Sync Battle is ripped off from drag culture

Did drag culture invent miming to songs?

[madhair60]

the whole thing of synchronising action to the music in trailers is cringe and must stop

"from the twisted mind of Matthew Vaughn" lol, go fuck yourself you most banal of banal cunts

[madhair60]

apparently this is part of the KINGSMAN UNIVERSE, a universe that must be destroyed

[Jerzy Bondov]

Did drag culture invent miming to songs?

No but it is a bit annoying that two straight men (Krasinski and Stephen Merchant!) can rip a segment out of Drag Race, make it less gay and sell it for big money.

[Ant Farm Keyboard]

Seen it.

It's bad.

It pushes Matthew Vaughn's flaws to the front. He's not good at dealing with female characters, he tends to glamorize violence and he assumes that he has a vision, while he lacks the invention to carry it.

It all combines in Argylle. There's romance, but it gets increasingly sidelined to interludes in the middle of scenes where the good guys dispose of dozens of nameless bad guys. The various twists in the story get welcomed with just some "So, that's what they wanted to go for" rather than some gasp, as they make less and less sense.

And it all falls apart in the disastrous third act.

Spoiler alert

Bryce Dallas Howard, who was originally supposed to be some everyday woman, mostly gifted as a prescient thriller novelist, is revealed to be the best field operative in the entire history of CIA, who got amnesia through an explosion five years before and was implanted false memories by the bad guys, who wanted to quietly recover some MacGuffin connected to her as she would share with them her old memories in some way. It happened through writing spy novels, which were actually telling her own story, except that Rachel Kylle, R. Kylle, became there a male agent, Argylle (the gender switch is never addressed on).

So, the third act requires from Ellie Conway (who still hasn't fully recovered her past memories) to pass as the old Rachel to get the MacGuffin back. She gets a low cut dress, she becomes a blonde through a dye job. And it all falls apart miserably. Howard has to wear a wig which looks much worse than her natural hair, and she's never believable as some agent who's instantly back at the top of her game, combining grace and muscularity, despite not doing any kind of exercise in five years. It's simply something that Vaughn thought to be natural for a female character, it allows extended action scenes built in the same mould as the church scene from Kingsmen. From this moment on the film turns into a disaster.

[close]

There are also some baffling choices about the soundtrack. Due to the unlimited supplies of cash unwisely brought by Apple (which also allowed Vaughn to hire people like John Dykstra), "Now and Then" plays a prominent part in the plot. It's supposed to be the lead character's favorite song, which is quite frankly baffling as she's under 70 and never comments otherwise on her love for the Beatles or Lennon. It's just supposed to be natural in that movie that somebody could find "Now and Then" the greatest song ever.

Spoiler alert

It's then revealed near the end that this was actually the "theme song" for Rachel's romance with Aidan (Sam Rockwell in full Confessions of a Safe Mind mode, but having some fun with chewing the scenery) AND that she also happened to be conditioned with that song and a trigger code to obey any order from the bad guys, for climax purposes only.

[close]

Samuel L. Jackson also spends a lot of time watching basketball on a giant screen.

Spoiler alert

I guess that The Long Kiss Goodnight wasn't an option.

[close]

[QDRPHNC]

Haven't read the thread yet, but loving the idea of expanding the Die Hard Universe in this direction.

Edit: Read the thread, Johnny Textface made this joke better on page one, and also greenman, sorry everyone?

[Average Comedy Enjoyer]

Seen it now. It was either that or Zone of Interest, which I would have preferred but it wasn't my birthday so I had no power of veto.

Someone gave Marv a talking to after The Kingsman and he is trying to be tonally consistent. He's not succeeded. The Play within a a Play (the Argyll Books) are OTT (the contain the line "We're not so different you and I) but the real world is equally goofy and dumb.

First twenty minutes and the cat were obviously created exclusively for marketing purposes.

Sam Rockwell, Bryan Cranston, John Cena are all allowed to do their thing. All female characters are obviously written as male and subbed in (literally in the case of Dallas, who's spec ops past is depicted by Henry Cavill).

By the third act BDH has four personalities:
A cat loving author
The protagonist of the author's books
A CIA agent
A CIA agent gone rogue

She then has to pick one of the four, despite very little clear motivation.

All SFX and CG are really bad, like Christopher Eccleston Doctor Who bad.

It is very obviously an Apple Production. As long as they're not currently identified as evil they use Apple products. Sam Jackson's nerve centre is three iPad pros on stands.

Good for parents who want to feel cool but responsible when selecting a film for their ten year old's sleepover party.

[Bad Ambassador]

Good for parents who want to feel cool but responsible when selecting a film for their ten year old's sleepover party.

It'd be more responsible to show them Zone of Interest.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I watched this yesterday and rather enjoyed it. It's not perfect by any stretch, but I'd hardly call it disastrous.

A few complaints:

Spoiler alert

Elly overhearing Aidan seemingly planning to kill her was too much of an obvious contrivance. An experienced spy surely wouldn't say something like that if there was the slightest chance that the subject would hear them - an event which only required a cat to gingerly push the door open - and the phrasing made little sense.

The whole Agent Argylle thing was a bit of a mess. Sometimes he's Rachel, but sometimes he's Aidan. Also, Aidan is John Cena and there's a real Argylle with a mullet, who works for a different spy agency. What?

Blowing up the oil tanker at the end might actually be worse than anything the baddies did.

[close]

These aside, it was a lot of fun. I mean, it's an action comedy starring Sam Rockwell - how bad could it really be? (I can't remember if Charlie's Angels was crap or not)

[Average Comedy Enjoyer]

Spoiler alert

Also, there's a real Argylle with a mullet,

[close]

Can you explain what that was supposed to be? In-universe there's no representation of Agent Argyll as seen in Elly's imagination, only a blocky promotional figurine. That man shares nothing at all with Argyll other than he's Henry Cavill, so unless Henry Cavill exists and Elly wrote "He looks exactly like Henry Cavill" why would that man come forward?

[phantom_power]

This it the most pleased with itself film I have seen in a while, and with no reason to feel so confident. It starts off alright but then throws in obvious plot twists, contrivances and every spy cliche there is along with action sequences where death is just seen as a big old lark and a style that attempts the petals/butterflies scene from The Suicide Squad and fails miserably in intent and execution. The fight scenes are Michael Bay level choppy and lacking invention. Rockwell is as great as usual and Cranston and O'Hara are fun but overall it just felt smug and tasteless

[Blue Jam]

This is now on Apple TV and I am watching it to see if it'll make me glad I didn't pay for a cinema ticket.

[Blue Jam]

How can a scene soundtracked with a bit of Barry White be this unsexy? Jeez, that's unforgivable.

This is even more of a bad Bond ripoff than Michael Flatley's Blackbird. Arguably worse because it's actually attempting to be funny.

[Clownbaby]

Saw it drunk at the cinema with ma pals when it just came out. It was stupid and kind of fun in that setting. Would I recommend cold-watching it on telly in the afternoon? Nope. Derivative, forgettable. Also Dua Lipa seems to be timidly following in the footsteps of Cara Delevigne, with the dipping-your-toe acting that probably won't go anywhere

[Clownbaby]

I also fucking hate "From the ________ mind of" fuck away with that arse

[Mister Six]

Ooh yeah, this was bad. I'm sorry I was hopeful about it. I like Vaughn, but without Goldman on scripts he's basically useless.

Anyway, this was the archetypal over-plotted, under-written movie. There's few half-decent ideas in there, but it's ultimately just an ugly, unamusing, charmless mess that wastes a fantastic cast.

I did kind of like the Suicide Squad rip-off sequence with the colourful gas grenades though.