We've only got one chance to save Mock the Week...

[Ferris]

...and that's to write the best damn script for the unloved standup panel show, and fast!

So far, I've got the bald one saying "when a mannn!" and maybe I'll spin that into a Daily Mail gag. I've also got Hugh Dennis saying "sha-waddy-waddy" in his Savile voice.

These are good starts and it's shaping up to be a cracler, but we need more!

[Ferris]

There's a load of space on the page so far, so I've just copied and pasted O'Briain going "errrr!". When we come up with something else we can overtype those bits, but we'll keep 'em in for now. The punters love 'em!

[dontpaintyourteeth]

Andy Parsons says "apparently" a lot, is there anything in that

[Ferris]

A new round where they all do standup but on a mechanical bull thing!

We can wheel it in and do loads of closeups of all their rehearsed "oh my god!" faces. We'll explain it to them beforehand and get the waivers signed though. Might need to write one-liners.

[Ferris]

Andy Parsons says "apparently" a lot, is there anything in that

Now we're cooking

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Gina Yashere does an impression of her Nigerian mum.

Then she does it again later on.

[Ferris]

Stephen K Amos does... oh no hang on we've got that base covered.

[TheGingerAlien]

The answer is surely by booking this guy

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Oh, why's that then?

[TheGingerAlien]

Oh yeah, I did the joke but I didn't mean to do the joke. What I meant was
Because of his uncanny resemblance to Frankie Boyle

[kalowski]

I was going to suggest booking Russell Howard but I realise we're being serious.

[Glebe]

Andy Parsons is going to start talking faster and not keep saying "now" and pausing 'for effect' all the time. If he does that still, I don't actually WATCH MtW anymore!

[frajer]

Get Rory Bremner back for a special one-off appearance where he dips his balls in Dara's glass of water and then Dara unwittingly takes a swig and spits it out saying "daahhhhh, that's rancid! Almost as bad as your balls, Rory!"

[Ferris]

Russel Howard is asking for thirty-eight million quid to appear and frankly I think we should pay it.