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Viz Highlights

Started by Theremin, March 04, 2012, 10:08:42 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

mrfridge

I immediately thought of this one when I saw this thread. It appears it's on the Viz website too so it must be a popular one. Never fails to make me smile. A few years back I printed off about a dozen scans of this at A5 size and framed them for some mates. They were delighted...


Scientists Discover the Worst Thing in The World

Ask anyone what the worst thing in the world is, and they'll tell you war, disease or famine. But not according to scientists from the University of Budapest. They've discovered that the worst thing in the world is actually a paper cut on your bell-end.

The five man team led by Professor Namoff Reszla researched the problem for over a decade before publishing their conclusions in the prestigious 'Nature' magazine.

"We subjected a succession of volunteer students to a wide range of horrible things, such as snapping their front teeth off with nail clippers and pulling back their big toes and sawing through the tendon bit underneath with a Stanley knife," said Professor Reszla. "We got laboratory rabbits to watch all the terrible things. Then we gauged how much they winced using a small wince-measuring probe inserted in the back of their necks."

In the experiment that got the most dramatic results, Professor Reszla drew a sheet of A4 typing paper sharply across a student's glans, leaving a 2cm paper cut.

"The rabbits' response was fantastic," he said. "The reading went off the scale. Rabbits which had shown a wince reaction of 30% when we cut someone's tongue up the middle with tinsnips were suddenly showing 95% or more. One rabbit winced so hard it broke its back. There was no doubt we had discovered the worst thing in the world."

But the study, which was commissioned by Bird's Angel Delight, has angered animal rights activists across the world. "We shouild not be exposing rabbits to this sort of barbarity. It's barbaric barbarism." fumed Ada Littlejohn of Nottingham.

"Why can't they get some of these murderers and paedophiles, put them into clamps and force them to watch someone getting a paper cut on his herman gelmet?"


Phil_A

"The Terry Nutkins Weight Loss Plan", which involved losing weight by getting an otter to bite two of your fingers off.

"The Life Of Christ In Cats" commemorative plate and tea towel set.


mrfridge

Ah, I was just about to post the life of Christ in cats. Good call!

Brundle-Fly

I did want to put up the 'Mum? We're moving to Australia' commemorative plate but the Fat Racist Cunt Of Hearts will suffice.


Tokyo Sexwhale

And of course The Elvis Presley Dambusters Clock Plate of Tutankhamen:


chocky909



I always loved this. Remember this was before greetings cards started using old photos and adding silly descriptions.

There was also a Sid The Sexist or similar that had a bus in one frame That had an ad on the side displaying "Smoke Tabs! (Government Health Warning - Don't Smoke Tabs!).

A Top Tip I always loved read, "Don't waste money on expensive showers or baths. Instead, wrap yourself in masking tape and simply peel away the dirt!".

Gulftastic

Thinking of this still makes me chuckle whenever Skegness is mentioned on the telly.


Quote from: chocky909 on March 06, 2012, 05:45:15 PM
A Top Tip I always loved read, "Don't waste money on expensive showers or baths. Instead, wrap yourself in masking tape and simply peel away the dirt!".
My favourite was always: "an elastic band with a dab of toothpaste makes an economical substitute for chewing gum, and is better for your teeth."

Paaaaul

Quote from: chocky909 on March 06, 2012, 05:45:15 PM


I always loved this. Remember this was before greetings cards started using old photos and adding silly descriptions.

This was on a t-shirt that I owned for a while.
Ironically, I'm a lot fatter now and I can't fit into it.

Incandenza

If anyone has a scan of the recent, gloriously juvenile 'Vince's Cable' I will be eternally grateful.
Read that at work on the reception and was nearly fired after my boss asked why I was crying.

Blumf

Quote from: Paaaaul on March 06, 2012, 06:23:41 PM
This was on a t-shirt that I owned for a while.

Always liked this one:


[A pint and a fight, a great British night]

CaledonianGonzo

Quote from: Incandenza on March 06, 2012, 06:30:04 PM
If anyone has a scan of the recent, gloriously juvenile 'Vince's Cable' I will be eternally grateful.
Read that at work on the reception and was nearly fired after my boss asked why I was crying.

Ha!  That was the recent strip that stuck in my memory for this thread.  I was in giggly bits as well.  Superbly stupid. 

I may have it - I'll take a look.

The Plunger



Always enjoyed this one.

Gave about 11 old annuals to the charity shop only the other week. I would've liked to have kept them, but space issues meant they had to go. It was a sad day. If they put all the old issue scans on a dvd and sold it I'd be all over that.

Brundle-Fly

Quote from: The Plunger on March 06, 2012, 08:00:11 PM

Gave about 11 old annuals to the charity shop only the other week. I would've liked to have kept them, but space issues meant they had to go. It was a sad day. If they put all the old issue scans on a dvd and sold it I'd be all over that.

And last summer, I found about fifty pristine issues in a see-thru plastic bag near a bin in my High St.

Carry on.

pupshaw

Sorry for huge scans, anything smaller loses too much subtle detail

From 2006.  Perfect on so many levels.




the psyche intangible


Big Jack McBastard

The crack story is a beauty, I especially like how everyone is smiling throughout even at gun point and the serene expression of the guy having the drugs shoved up his arse.

BeardFaceMan

This was always my favourite advert.


pupshaw

I only noticed this just now 17 years slightly late. I'd like to know the story behind these

"at that point your life effectively ends"

These people are GODS to me.

Admonish me if these scans are too big.

Issue 68:



Issue 69:


eluc55

Holy shit, that Berkley's one is amazing.

"Come into our parlour..."

SimonJT

Quote from: Tokyo Sexwhale on March 06, 2012, 05:29:44 PM
And of course The Elvis Presley Dambusters Clock Plate of Tutankhamen:


Fucking hell that's hilarious

There's a brilliant section in the last edition: Lucky Harry Horseshoe's Lucky Letters. There are 5 letters, but the three of them that got me are under the same pen name:

They say that rabbit's paws are lucky, but my neighbour's rabbit's got four of them and he's not particularly lucky. In fact, I just reversed the car over him and he's in a right old state. I might have to go and finish him off with a spade.

James Finlayson, via text

They say horseshoes are lucky, but I'm not convinced. My neighbour's horse has got four of them and he's not particularly lucky. In fact, I just drove round a corner on the wrong side of the road whilst texting and ran into him, and he's in a right old state. I might have to go and finish him off with a spade.

James Finlayson, via text

They say chimney sweeps are lucky, but I'm not convinced. My neighbour's a chimney sweep and he doesn't seem to be particularly lucky. At the moment he's unconscious in the middle of the road after being knocked off his horse. I might have to go and finish him off with a spade.

James Finlayson, via text


Ignatius_S

Quote from: Benway on March 05, 2012, 09:49:11 PM
...I can also remember a one off strip called something like "Dottie joins The Fall" which was very amusing, but sadly I seem to have lost my scan of it.


Matt Adore

The Carlsberg Special Brew advert - 2 homeless guys sitting on a park bench looking dejected, with another standing holding a can of Spesh surrounded by the Ready Brek orange glow. The caption "Carlsberg Special Brew - central heating for tramps".

I've been looking for this for years, so if anyone knows where it is...


pupshaw

To me, the brilliance of the berkleys ad is that it's taking the piss out of one of their own advertisers, and not just some crappy tosh, but Barclays Bank. To be honest I've never seen anybody ever who had the guts to do that, and I can't see how they could have got permission.

NoSleep

They may have been trying to scare Barclays away, or at least testing their will to advertise in Viz.



pupshaw

I saw the Doctor Martins one while I was looking for stuff to post. The other one I liked was the invention of the Breville sandwich maker. How to perfect something too hot to eat from something impossible to clean

Now this one.


kidsick5000

Ripped to his tiny tits on wobbly eggs