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LEGEND GARY PART TWO

Started by Fambo Number Mive, August 28, 2019, 08:17:01 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

shoulders

Legend Gary goes through the full transition process in efforts to make the women's team aged 46, only to discover in the process the barriers and hardships transpeople encounter. Shellshocked and bollockless, he soberly surmises 'it is not a laugh Daz, no laughing matter'.

(p.s this was Chesterfield women's wheelchair hockey team, he is not selected)

shoulders

Legend Gary wargames what disability will yield the most free stuff.

'Cerebral Gary, it's the cerebrals'

'Shut it Daz, I've said no. I can't keep that up'

Blue Jam

Legend Gary applies for a job with the NHS so he can get the Nando's discount. He is rejected because he can't spell "NHS".

shoulders

Legend Gary pays Dean Gaffney to reprise, on a full studio budget 'That episode where you fell in a fucking hole like some absolute mug mate! Hahahahaha, ahahahahahahah, ahahahahah-

- do it.'

Dean does it, it's money in the bank.

Legend Gary applauds the commitment to the bit and enquires how much to have Gaffney raped.

Blue Jam

Legend Gary's pronouns are Legend/Legend

Blue Jam

Legend Gary gets banned from Xbox Live after he makes a mod for Fifa '23 that makes all the women's teams swap shirts after the match.

shoulders

Legend Gary invents a new rule  where unless his cadre fuck a minimum of 10 men each they can't legally call themselves heterosexual.

'It's not about liking it, it's about duty'.

There's a strict age cut off of 10 years old.

Blue Jam

Legend Gary builds a Nando's in Animal Crossing

Glebe

"You know what Daz, I think the England Women's team are actually blokes who have gone trans. It's the only explanation for them winning."

Glebe

Gary attempts to solve climate change by throwing ice cubes at the sun, "Every little helps, Daz!"

Blue Jam

Legend Gary attempts to replenish the ozone layer by photocopying his arse.

Fambo Number Mive

He then tries to sell one of the photocopies of his arse as an NFT. No bids.

Blue Jam

Legend Gary establishes his own cryptocurrency: LedgeCoin. He convinces Pubes Daz to accept 12 LedgeCoins in lieu of that tenner he owes him but then gets miffed when the staff at Wetherspoons tell him to do one.

Glebe

"Daz it seems like an Englishman can't take his family on holiday to France without being held up at Dover - while the imogrants are coming in by the boatload!"

"That's old 'news' now Gary stop going on about it."

Glebe

Gary attempts to fix the economy by distributing homemade '10p off your purchase' tokens.

"Gary they won't accept them in shops."

"My advice to consumers is that if they reject your Gary Tokens just punch their fucking faces off."

Blue Jam

Legend Gary attempts to fix the nation's mental health crisis by pulling a mooney.

Glebe

Gary becomes addicted to Chewits.

Glebe

"Daz I'm going to give them imgrants a taste of their own medicine by making a raft out of empty Stella cans and sailing it over to Wahoola Land!"

"Best of luck Gary!"

Blue Jam

Legend Gary volunteers to take part in a charity slave auction, hoping some fit bird will bid for him. He is mortified when the winning bidder is Steak Terry and he just wants to use him as a human footstool for a day.

In a fit of fury he then places the winning bid on Pubes Daz and strips him and handcuffs him to a lamppost.

Glebe

Daz checks Gary's browsing history and discovers that he's a secret Babylon 5 fan.

shoulders

Legend Gary hates the metric system but says the imperial system is shit too. There needs to be a Gary system.

Blue Jam

Legend Gary proposes that one Gary pint = 1.5 Imperial pints.

Wetherspoons tell him to do one again.

Blue Jam

"...and ten Gary inches is equivalent to one regular inch, amirite?"

Gary punts Daz through the window.

shoulders

Legend Gary writes a heartfelt apology to Tim Martin, and performs various trials of Caesar to have his permanent ban from all UK Wetherspoons rescinded.

At the vital moment, unable to truly accept humility, he resentfullly mumbles 'But if you cross me, I swear down' and is overheard by an underling, setting back his rehab and admission by 3 years.

Blue Jam

Legend Gary proposes Legexit, which will entail the foundation of an independent nation entirely populated by Legends.

Changes his mind when he realises he'd rather stay in the UK and enjoy his status as the one true legend.

Glebe

Gary has an existential crisis when Daz sits him down and explains that "there's no such thing as the Stella Fairy."

shoulders

Legend Gary popularises the regional dish Runcorn Fry, in his head.

Glebe

Gary punches his way through a Tesco storeroom wall in order to steal slabs of Stella.

Fambo Number Mive

Gary self publishes an erotic novel set in World War Two, which includes a pub toilet shag and a blow job behind enemy lines. It's dedicated "to everyone in the army" and includes a list of his five favourite sexual positions at the back.

Glebe

Gary's dream come true would be to have Prince Andrew fly him and Jim Davidson to the Falklands in a helicopter equipped with bombs to drop on "the argies".