The Brand New All Encompassing Movie Musical Thread

[Small Man Big Horse]

Mame (1974) - Amusingly odd musical initially set in the 1930s where after his father dies Patrick is sent to live with his wild and crazy Aunt Mame, though it's only for about ten minutes before he's taken away to somewhere that isn't filled with alcoholic crazy types. Then the great depression hits and Mame has to work for a living, first by ruining a Broadway musical starring her best pal Bea Arthur, and then at a department store where she's fired for mucking about with roller-skates, though luckily one of her customers romances her, and Patrick mysteriously keeps on popping up as whoever is looking after him is apparently worse than Mame, and the two are properly reunited when Mame marries. Because this is a mad old film during a song where Patrick ages a decade her new husband is killed by an avalanche (in a hilariously misjudged and jarring scene), but Mame rallies round thanks to the adorably snarky Bea Arthur, and soon ruins Patrick's love life. It's not without issues, especially when it comes to the treatment of the deep South, and the way the story leaps through the years without a moment's thought and characters disappear and reappear willy nilly, but it's a daft romp that I really enjoyed, the songs are often very funny and beautifully choreographed, and the direction is quite playful, I sometimes moan that there's long gaps between songs in some musicals but that's certainly not the case here. 7.7 / 10

[Small Man Big Horse]

Princess Raccoon (2005) - Japanese musical where thanks to a magic mirror a King discovers that while he is currently the fairest of them all, his son is soon to take his place, so he decides to murder him. Hence the prince dashing off but before he's able to get far he's imprisoned by Princess Raccoon, who appears in human form with the other raccoons she pals about with. Visually this is just stunning, sometimes clearly shot on a sound stage, at others on location, while there's a lot of beautifully painted cgi backdrops, and the music varies from extremely brief rock songs to longer ballads and a number of other styles too. Directed by the then 83 year old Seijun Suzuki there were aspects I didn't understand, and this is a theme of a good few reviews that I read of it, but it doesn't really matter as the main ideas are clear to see, and this is sumptuous viewing I couldn't get enough of. 8.6/10







A longer, smarter review can be found here: https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/reviews/princess-raccoon-pg-8047566.html

[Small Man Big Horse]

Keating! The Musical (2008) - Pro-shot for tv version of the Australian musical that largely celebrates but occasionally teases politician Paul Keating, with every other political figure mocked much more. It's weird watching a musical featuring a couple of characters you've vaguely heard of at best while everyone else is unknown, and I'm sure a few gags went over my head, but the songs do a great job of slyly mentioning character names and motives, and though a couple go on a bit too long and it's far from subtle, I found this surprisingly enjoyable throughout. 7.6/10

[samadriel]

Where'd you get that, SMBH? I'd love to give that a go (last year I saw The Gospel According to Paul, a one-man show with a big dance number in the middle, all about old mate. It was quite educational and very entertaining.)

[olliebean]

Where'd you get that, SMBH? I'd love to give that a go (last year I saw The Gospel According to Paul, a one-man show with a big dance number in the middle, all about old mate. It was quite educational and very entertaining.)

Rubbish quality (240p), but here it is on YouTube:
Act 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-jsWJSrP3s
Act 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdrZScZqMTE

[Small Man Big Horse]

Where'd you get that, SMBH? I'd love to give that a go (last year I saw The Gospel According to Paul, a one-man show with a big dance number in the middle, all about old mate. It was quite educational and very entertaining.)

It was a random charity shop find, the links above are fairly watchable but the sound (and picture) quality is a lot better on the dvd. It is on a private tracker I'm a member of, but it's the one site my ratio's poor, but once I've built it up I'll get it for you.

[samadriel]

That'd be much appreciated SM, thanks for thinking of me; and thanks for the links olliebean. I'll check it out.  I saw a YT video of "On the Mateship", it was hilarious, so it'll be good to view those too.

[Small Man Big Horse]

For Me and My Girl (1942) - Busby Berkley directs this story of vaudeville life where Judy Garland and Gene Kelly team up to sing and dance across America, with the latter unaware that the former is madly in love with him. It's a rom-com for two thirds of its running time before suddenly becoming a piece of war propaganda, and a little melodramatic

Spoiler alert

as the cowardly Kelly breaks his fingers to avoid being sent off to fight, while the ending feels strangely rushed

[close]

, but oddly it's a combination that mostly works quite well, and Garland really acts her socks off here, easily outshining her co-star. 7.7/10

[bgmnts]

Is that where Garland and Kelly have a huge dance number? Garland managing to keep up with Kelly in those heels is mega impressive to me.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Is that where Garland and Kelly have a huge dance number? Garland managing to keep up with Kelly in those heels is mega impressive to me.

There's a couple of big numbers, but I think it's the film you mean as her heels were indeed ridiculous and then some.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Anchors Away (1945) - Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra are in the Navy, but are granted four days leave as they're so bloody heroic. Kelly plans to spend it fucking sometimes girlfriend Lola, but Sinatra needs his help to seduce a woman as he's such a nervous fella, though all of their plans go sideways when they're roped in to helping a boy called Donald (a very young Dean Stockwell!) who has run away from home because he wants to fight in World War II. Living with his Aunt May (Kathryn Grayson), when they take him home Sinatra falls for her, but naturally with a two hours and nineteen minute run time there's many a complication along the way. This really is a brightly lit, colourful delight from the get go, it comes with a sparkling script and great songs, and they even have the time for a dream sequence where Kelly gets to meet Tom and Jerry. 8.1/10

[Small Man Big Horse]

Dangerous When Wet (1953) - The Higgins family run a farm together and boast about how fit they are, so when dodgy "Liquapep" salesman Windy Weebe (Jack Carson) comes in to town and hears about their love for swimming he soon persuades them to become involved in a PR stunt where all five of them will swim the English Channel, only for the Daily Mail to be bastards and disqualify everyone apart from daughter Katie (Esther Williams). The race itself is only covered in the final ten minutes and the rest of it is a cute rom-com where French sex pest Andre (Fernando Lamas) attempts to seduce Katie, but it's a light and very likeable flick. My only complaint is that there's only three songs (though two of them are performed at least twice), which is a real shame as with another four or five numbers and this could have been a classic, at least if they were as good as Ain't Nature Grand. Otherwise I've no issues, there's strong performances from all of the cast, including Preston Sturges regular William Demarest as Katie's father who even has his own catchphrase "After all, it's only water!", while there's a pretty long mix of cartoon and live action featuring Tom and Jerry (presumably as their appearance in Anchor's Aweigh was so acclaimed) and even a bit of fourth wall breaking, plus they manage to make the race quite gripping, and Williams shines in every scenes that she's in. 7.8/10

[Famous Mortimer]

The Legend Of The Stardust Brothers

Makoto Tezuka is the son of manga artist Osamu Tezuka (Astro Boy) and, after making a few experimental shorts, got the $ to make this, one of the strangest movies I've ever seen. Kan and Shingo are the feuding lead singers of crappy punk / new wave bands, and are offered an enormous amount of money to become a manufactured pop duo.

From this, the movie goes off in a million directions, like they wanted to fit as many styles and scenes as they possibly could. Their rise and fall is almost told in one long montage, there's horror scenes and wacky pratfalls and comedy and romance (sort of). There's also an animated sequence which the famous father had nothing to do with, apparently because he couldn't be bothered, thinking it wasn't going to be any good.

The music is jaunty, and a lot of the lyrics reflect on the action, or just mock the music industry. It was written before the movie, as a soundtrack for a musical which didn't exist, inspired by Rocky Horror and Phantom Of The Paradise.

It was rediscovered a few years ago, got a blu-ray release and Tezuka did a showing in London with a Q&A afterwards. "How Did This Get Made?" did an episode about it, which I can finally listen to, and that's how I heard about it.

Strongest possible recommendation.

[Small Man Big Horse]

The Legend Of The Stardust Brothers

Makoto Tezuka is the son of manga artist Osamu Tezuka (Astro Boy) and, after making a few experimental shorts, got the $ to make this, one of the strangest movies I've ever seen. Kan and Shingo are the feuding lead singers of crappy punk / new wave bands, and are offered an enormous amount of money to become a manufactured pop duo.

From this, the movie goes off in a million directions, like they wanted to fit as many styles and scenes as they possibly could. Their rise and fall is almost told in one long montage, there's horror scenes and wacky pratfalls and comedy and romance (sort of). There's also an animated sequence which the famous father had nothing to do with, apparently because he couldn't be bothered, thinking it wasn't going to be any good.

The music is jaunty, and a lot of the lyrics reflect on the action, or just mock the music industry. It was written before the movie, as a soundtrack for a musical which didn't exist, inspired by Rocky Horror and Phantom Of The Paradise.

It was rediscovered a few years ago, got a blu-ray release and Tezuka did a showing in London with a Q&A afterwards. "How Did This Get Made?" did an episode about it, which I can finally listen to, and that's how I heard about it.

Strongest possible recommendation.

Oh cool, this sounds exactly like my cup of tea, I've obtained it now and will watch it soon.

Ernest Shackleton Loves Me (2017) - A pro-shot version of the hit musical, this follows unemployed single mother Kat as after she places a video on a dating site she's supposedly contacted by the long dead polar explorer Ernest Shackleton. After his ship the Endurance was trapped in ice for seven months he begs Kat to play music to keep the crews spirits up, which often revolves around the story of their lives, and on a video screen at the back of the stage we get to see black and white footage that was salvaged from the actual expedition. And then suddenly Ernie emerges from her refrigerator and the two start taking on the adventure together, and the whole thing becomes about finding optimism in spite of insurmountable conditions. This is by no means perfect, and the songs could have been a little more varied in either style or construction, but I found myself enjoying this a lot for the majority of its running time, though at 90 minutes I was glad it wasn't any longer. 7.8/10

[Angst in my Pants]

Oh, how I love The Legend Of The Stardust Brothers! Banging soundtrack, got it on vinyl with the blu-ray.

[Small Man Big Horse]

The Legend Of The Stardust Brothers

Makoto Tezuka is the son of manga artist Osamu Tezuka (Astro Boy) and, after making a few experimental shorts, got the $ to make this, one of the strangest movies I've ever seen. Kan and Shingo are the feuding lead singers of crappy punk / new wave bands, and are offered an enormous amount of money to become a manufactured pop duo.

From this, the movie goes off in a million directions, like they wanted to fit as many styles and scenes as they possibly could. Their rise and fall is almost told in one long montage, there's horror scenes and wacky pratfalls and comedy and romance (sort of). There's also an animated sequence which the famous father had nothing to do with, apparently because he couldn't be bothered, thinking it wasn't going to be any good.

The music is jaunty, and a lot of the lyrics reflect on the action, or just mock the music industry. It was written before the movie, as a soundtrack for a musical which didn't exist, inspired by Rocky Horror and Phantom Of The Paradise.

It was rediscovered a few years ago, got a blu-ray release and Tezuka did a showing in London with a Q&A afterwards. "How Did This Get Made?" did an episode about it, which I can finally listen to, and that's how I heard about it.

Strongest possible recommendation.

I absolutely loved this, thank you so much for the recommendation. It's everything you say and yet even crazier than that (I mean, the last thirty minutes are relentlessly mad and had me grinning with glee) but the whole thing was superb, and if I ever win the lottery I'd instantly hire a band to record the soundtrack in English so that I could listen to it to death! 8.8/10

Apparently the director made a very belated sequel to it in either 2016 or 2018, which has very mixed reviews on Letterboxd, and I can't find it anywhere online, but I hope one day it'll be made available.

[Famous Mortimer]

There's a link to a download of it in a Letterboxd review.

[Small Man Big Horse]

There's a link to a download of it in a Letterboxd review.

Oh cool, thanks for that, I'm downloading it now but I probably will wait a few weeks before watching it, and go in with lowered expectations given the reviews.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Because of this:

Hello Film Buffs I wonder if you can help me.

I don't even know the name of this film, just some memories of scenes... will that be enough?

1. Saw this in the 70s/ early 80s.
2. It begins in the 'real world', some American lad bored at home. A Box (or wardrobe) arrives and he goes flying off in it.
3. When he lands the film witches to animation. The lads a cartoon character!
4. At one point he's travelling in a car through a swamp environment and all these ghost like characters are trying to sing him to sleep. There is much yawning.
5. He is rescued by a dog, with either a clock around his neck, or a pocket watch where his heart should be -- he is, obviously a watch dog.
6. At one point he encounters a wizard type fella who conducts sunsets, and sunrises. In a Fantasia rip off the cartoon lad steels the wand because he's a hurry to start the next day/night early and royally screws things up.

.. and that's all I remember. I think the lad gets home to the real world at the end, and is no longer a whiney bored little prick.

I've tried every combination of Google search phrases and most of what I get back are shite modern CGI stuff..

Please help me! What was this film!??

It's "The Phantom Tollbooth".

The Phantom Tollbooth (1970) - Mostly animated but briefly live action kids flick where moody old Milo is going through a mid-life crisis dispite only being in his early teens, when a mysterious tollbooth appears and transports him to a world where the king of words and the king of numbers have fallen out, and everything's fucking mental. The original book is apparently about the joys of learning (albeit not necessarily at school) and this has the stink of an after school special about it, and while it's sometimes a musical there are long periods without any songs, so it wasn't something I loved, but it's nicely odd and amusing most of the time. 7.3/10

[Small Man Big Horse]

Moon Over Miami (1941) - Sisters Kay (Betty Grable) and Barbara (Carole Landis) work in a restaurant with their Aunt Susan, but when they inherit money from a deceased relative they think they can quit, only to discover that the cash sum isn't much at all. That leads them to heading off to Miami to find a rich husband for Kay while Barbara pretends to be her secretary and Susan her maid, and Kat's soon having to choose between two men, Phil (Don Ameche) and Jeff (Robert Cummings). But will they pull off the ruse? Or will true love win over money? A cute enough romcom with some decent songs, this is a mildly charming piece, though a lack of songs in the final third frustrated and loses it some points. 7.0/10

[Small Man Big Horse]

Mamma Mia! (2008) - As a kid I used to like Abba and thought they were fun, I didn't buy any of their albums but whenever a song turned up in a movie it'd make me smile. Then I met my friend Kathy, an obsessive nightmare who would insist on having post pub parties at her flat yet all she'd play is Abba (and if we were lucky, Manfred Mann) and the mere sound of the band irritated the hell out of me for far too many years. Luckily she's now married with kids and depressed and it's probably been about ten years since I was tortured with "The Best Of Abba" over and over again, all of which is a long, bland story about why I'd never seen this smash hit musical until now. And eh, I don't think I'd have missed out on anything if I hadn't watched it, the script is pretty turgid, the acting is only average (Dominic Cooper's especially dodgy, but Colin Firth seems awkward and Stellan Skarsgård looks downright unhappy to be there) and it feels weird that given the large cast there's only one black actor who gets a tiny role as a barman that Christine Baranski fucks but then the next day tells him that he's a child as she screeches "Does Your Mother Know" at him, making the whole thing really odd / slightly racist. The film also forgets about Julie Waters for ages but then she pops up right at the end again, which frustrates as she was the only character I actually liked, and half way through I started to find that the use of most of the songs was tenuous as fuck, while the ending is dull and predictable, so, um, yeah, I won't be giving the sequel a go even if someone claimed it was a modern day classic. 5.4/10

[Small Man Big Horse]

From the first page of the thread:

One I would suggest:

How To Success in Business Without Really Trying - which takes its name from the book that an ambitious window cleaner uses to to climb the corporate ladder. Both the script and songs are4 wonderful and work brilliantly without the other.

The lead is played by Robert Morse, who starred in the Broadway version prior the film. Morse, who I suspect most in the country will associate with Mad Men, is simply amazing (as he always is). Michael McKean has said that he and collaborator, David Lander were huge admirers of Morse - so much so that Lander created a wall collage of Morse from the musical on his wall, and it's easy to see why there were such fans. Morse also starred in a late sixties series, That's Life (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/That%27s_Life_(1968_TV_series)), which sounds pretty ambitious and from what I can gather, was rather stunning.

I've not seen the film version but I did see it on stage last year, as it was produced by Sedos who are technically an amateur group but they have their own theatre and a lot of funding, and it was really impressive, a musical I had a huge amount of time for and the two and a half hours flew by, so I definitely do plan to seek out the film version sooner rather than later.

I saw that same production, preferred it to the film actually.

Ah, that's interesting, I definitely will see the film at some point for sure but I might put it on the back burner for a bit then so that they my memories of the play fade a bit, and I might enjoy it a little more that way.

And, um, yeah, that's what happened as two years on I finally watched it tonight and really enjoyed it:

I saw a semi-pro version of this back in 2019 and loved it to pieces, and the film version's almost as good and it's just a shame they cut some of the songs. Still, Robert Morse pulls off the lead role perfectly, in the wrong hands he could be quite hateable (I kept on picturing how awful a young Tom Cruise with a shit eating grin would be) but Morse has just the right mix of innocence and savvy, and the rest of the cast are great too including Preston Sturges' regular Rudy Valee as the big boss, while Michele Lee shines as the love interest Rosemary. This has an interesting mix of business satire and hints of feminism ("A Secretary Is Not A Toy" being a fun example), though when Maureen Arthur's big breasted secret lover enters the picture all of the men act as if they've never seen cleavage before and it gets a bit silly. Otherwise this is fantastic, it looks great and is full of sets with primary colours which help make the film look eye-catching throughout, the script contains many a funny line, and I loved pretty much every song in it. 8.5/10

[Small Man Big Horse]

The Fantasticks (2000) - Based on an acclaimed off Broadway play first staged in the sixties, this film version was shot in 1995 but not released until 2000 as MGM got cold feet, and even then they only briefly gave it a cinema release as an abridged version which was reportedly butchered by Francis Ford Coppola. This is the original 109 minute cut and it's a very odd curio, where in the 1920's Luisa (Jean Louisa Kelly) is all pissy as she can't find anyone to kiss her eyelids, or any of the other 59 ways she could be licked that are detailed in a dodgy book she's reading, and is secretly in love with boy next door Matt (New Kid On The Block's Joe McIntyre). Meanwhile their fathers are faking a feud as they think that'll lead to the two kids fucking like mad, but then the carnival comes in to town, led by Adrien Boswell from Bread (Jonathon Morris) and the dads pay him to pretend to abduct their daughter, allowing Matt to romantically save the day. Yet once that's all sorted out there's still a good fifty minutes left,

Spoiler alert

which means Luisa gets all horny for your Bread fella, who's a sort of mix of Puck and Loki, but inevitably that doesn't lead to a happy ending either. It's definitely overlong,

[close]

and only a couple of the songs are memorable, but I still found myself really liking this, the flawed beast that it is. 7.5/10

[Easy_To_Assemble]

I always thought I wasn't a fan of musicals, but it's surprising how often I get caught off guard, and end up enjoying the handful I've seen. I tend to avoid modern musicals, because I know they'll pass the point of being jaunty, and become histrionic, trying to wring every note out of it.

West Side Story does my head in. Can't enjoy it. Clickety-clickety-clicky-click-fucking-click. But, recent more enjoyable ones have been:

Top Hat (1935). The Fred Astaire / Ginger Rogers classic. So many good, whistlable songs in this one, not least the highlight 'Heaven'

One From The Heart (1982). There's just something about the neon-drenched nocturnal romance of this movie that's so perfect, it doesn't actually matter that it's a slightly flawed film (as with anything where a pioneering director wants to try out new stuff). Soundtrack by Tom Waits and Crystal Gayle. Waits has obviously cemented his artistic legacy, but Crystal Gayle deserved to have a bigger career than she did.

The Sound of Music. Camp as anything. But, I defy anyone not to get it in the feels when 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' comes on. The song's been flogged to death through cover versions and adverts, yet still has the intended effect all this time later.

Mary Poppins. One of those childhood holiday TV staples, so i don't think it'll lose it's appeal, even with the shittest cockney accent ever put to music.

My favourite though, has to be The Music Man (1962). The soundtrack's so good, I went and bought a vinyl copy. Some of the wordplay - and the ability of the performers to carry it off fluidly without missing a beat - is fantastic, and really makes this an underrated gem.

Seth McFarland does a fantastic rendition of 'You Got Trouble' at the Proms. It's a fast-talking highlight of the soundtrack, and I can't imagine how much skill and rehearsal it must take to carry it off. Never even knew McFarland had those kind of chops. I always just thought he was South Park Guy. Hat's off to him, because it's a great rendition.

[famethrowa]

The Sound of Music. Camp as anything. But, I defy anyone not to get it in the feels when 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' comes on.

uhh?

Never even knew McFarland had those kind of chops. I always just thought he was South Park Guy.

uhhhh??

[Easy_To_Assemble]

uhh?



uhhhh??

Exclamations at selectively cherrypicked bits. The best (by that, I meant "best") kind of exclamations.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I always thought I wasn't a fan of musicals, but it's surprising how often I get caught off guard, and end up enjoying the handful I've seen. I tend to avoid modern musicals, because I know they'll pass the point of being jaunty, and become histrionic, trying to wring every note out of it.

There's a fair few modern musicals I really love, but nearly all of them are comedies (Anna and the Apocalypse, Emo The Musical, Matilda and tv shows like Schmigadoon, Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend).

West Side Story does my head in. Can't enjoy it. Clickety-clickety-clicky-click-fucking-click. But, recent more enjoyable ones have been:

I'm not a fan of West Side Story either, I've seen the original film but quit Spielberg's version after about 15 minutes as it was annoying me.

Top Hat (1935). The Fred Astaire / Ginger Rogers classic. So many good, whistlable songs in this one, not least the highlight 'Heaven'

One From The Heart (1982). There's just something about the neon-drenched nocturnal romance of this movie that's so perfect, it doesn't actually matter that it's a slightly flawed film (as with anything where a pioneering director wants to try out new stuff). Soundtrack by Tom Waits and Crystal Gayle. Waits has obviously cemented his artistic legacy, but Crystal Gayle deserved to have a bigger career than she did.

The Sound of Music. Camp as anything. But, I defy anyone not to get it in the feels when 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' comes on. The song's been flogged to death through cover versions and adverts, yet still has the intended effect all this time later.

Mary Poppins. One of those childhood holiday TV staples, so i don't think it'll lose it's appeal, even with the shittest cockney accent ever put to music.

My favourite though, has to be The Music Man (1962). The soundtrack's so good, I went and bought a vinyl copy. Some of the wordplay - and the ability of the performers to carry it off fluidly without missing a beat - is fantastic, and really makes this an underrated gem.

Seth McFarland does a fantastic rendition of 'You Got Trouble' at the Proms. It's a fast-talking highlight of the soundtrack, and I can't imagine how much skill and rehearsal it must take to carry it off. Never even knew McFarland had those kind of chops. I always just thought he was South Park Guy. Hat's off to him, because it's a great rendition.

I'm very fond of all of the ones you mentioned, but I'm not a 100% sure about MacFarlane, technically he's a great singer (and I was aware of his love for musicals thanks to this fourth season episode of Family Guy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOz2TSbmmhw) but I'm kind of glad he's never made a live action musical as I'm not convinced he's that great an actor.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Top Hat (1935). The Fred Astaire / Ginger Rogers classic. So many good, whistlable songs in this one, not least the highlight 'Heaven'

I was thinking about this after I made the post as I know I've seen it (between 16 - 18 I wrote a list of all the films I'd watched, which I really wish I'd kept doing as I only restarted the process a few years ago), but had no memory of it at all.

So I watched it again last night and it really is fantastic, sometimes the dance sequences go on a bit too long (as seemed to be the tradition at the time) but the songs are great, Fred and Ginger have real chemistry, and I loved the supporting characters, Madge, Horace and his weird valet Bates really deserved their own spin-off! 7.8/10

[Small Man Big Horse]

Nha Fala (My Voice, 2002) - African musical where Vita (Fatou N'Diaye) is told that if anyone female in their family ever sings they'll die, so she heads off to Paris to study, and falls in love with a record producer called Pierre. Inevitably she sings, and dies. That'll teach her.

Spoiler alert

Or maybe she heads back to Africa to suggest to her Mum that the women in their family can sing, with it hinted at that it was just some shit patriarchal fuck who created the curse in the first place. The weird thing is that the curse isn't mentioned for the first 25 minutes and everyone else is singing and dancing bar Vita and her Mom, and when she heads off to Paris the French turn out to be lovely except for one horrible racist, and the love story feels rushed, as does the ending.

[close]

It's a shame as there's lots to love about this bright, endearing story which is packed full of great songs, but aspects of the script really should have been worked on more. 7.4/10

[Small Man Big Horse]

Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile (2022) - Josh (who is easily in my top of the worst characters in a kids film list) moves to New York with his shit parents and is so filled with anxiety you feel he might just burst, covering the screen in blood and innards. Unfortunately that doesn't happen, but then he briefly meets Lyle Lyle Crocodile in his loft, chases him across the city, and the next day is the most confident child in the universe, in what is some really awful character development even for a piece of crap like this. Plus it happens again and again with Mum giving off a post orgasmic glow after she dances with the beast, and Dad is instantly relaxed after some joyful and definitely not erotic wrestling. There's a subplot involving Lyle's original owner Javier Bardem trying to force him to sing on the stage to earn millions, but each time he tries Lyle freezes up, while Brett Gelman hams it up as a pissy neighbour in what are the only funny scenes in the film. The songs all sound far too similar, the orchestral score is one of the laziest I've ever heard and I'm surprised they weren't sued over it, and the plotting is awful too.. At one point the line is uttered "They're leaving the park, call the police", despite the police having been in the park in the previous scene, but  presumably they left when the boy and the crocodile rode off on a motorbike and sidecar, which Josh is effortlessly able to control despite never having ridden one before, and they enter a theatre and the only reaction is someone saying "Oh" instead "Ah jesus fucking christ it's a walking crocodile oh god oh jesus, jesus, fuck, fuck, fuck and ahhhhh I could go on and on about how shit this movie is and I can't be arsed anymore. 2.0/10