The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW: HAHALLOWEEN III: Shriekin’ of the Witch

[Satchmo Distel]

Heaven Knows I'm In Orbit Now
Back To The Space House
Reel Around The Moon

[PlanktonSideburns]

Heaven Knows I'm In Orbital Now

[Video Game Fan 2000]

What are you doing now, Dagenham Dave? I really think I'm entitled to an answer to that question, Dagenham Dave. I know I haven't been well recently but I am still confident about the success of our mission. Do not do that, Dagenham Dave. Stop, Dagenham Dave. Stop.

[Icehaven]

From the Dubai thread:

There can't be many cars there going from that numberplate.

[The Pink Chunk Jazz Band]

I will be in the space bar with my head on the space bar

[PlanktonSideburns]

I will be in the space bar with my head on the space bar

Very good

[Crenners]

From the Dubai thread:

Haha fucking great

[flotemysost]

Thanks Sonny_Jim! From the same thread:

The Rush, The

[ZoyzaSorris]

I'd sooner go on holiday to a large Asda.

Just the understated specificity and phraseology summed it up very nicely.

[Jackson K Pollock]

It's not hyperbole to say I would attack those ten year-olds with a flame-thrower.

From the Rod Hull thread.

[amateur]

aw yeah, 7 hours downloading "Motion Picture Soundtrack (Full Studio Mix)" and the odds are three to one hocus pocus by focus five to one ying tong song ten to one atmosphere by russ abbot twenty to one witchdoctor by cartoons

Drukqs by Aphex Twin has leaked and its 28 copies of Power Pill Pacman. every metal band has a terrible version of the Legend of Zelda music including Led Zeppelin who speak Japanese now

[greencalx]

In Sadowitz vs Penisland:

I didn't explicitly agree to see Chris Hemsworth's arse in Thor, but I consented to watch a movie where there was a small but real chance it would happen.

[Des Wigwam]

"AaAAAAAAARGH!"



"AaAAAAAAARGH!"



"AaAAAAaaaaAAARGH!"

"God, Karen, you're so extra!"

[Paul Calf]

Mining old threads for gems:

I'm the reverse of this - I always try to have a shit somewhere other than home. It's the arse version of beer tasting better in the pub rather than out of your own fridge. Plus the whole "getting paid to shit" trope.

"...it's the arse version..."

[Joe Qunt]

Worked with someone who liked Rick and Morty, and before he went on holiday we were laughing and quoting the "I am dying in a vat in the garage" bit. He didn't go that way but he drowned on a fishing trip on said holiday so... I don't know it was a bit of a weird final conversation anyway.

[Sebastian Cobb]

^ the imagery of this amused me greatly

Magine getting the call/email/text from amazon saying they had pulped your child, and a voucher the size of a solar panel was being wanged your way immediately

[shoulders]

RIP Roger Lloyd-Pack
8 February 1944 – 15 January 2014

[buttgammon]

I'd love to know what happened to Simon Walker who worked with me at Sainsbury's on Saturdays in the early 90s.  The uniform was turd brown drape coats and flared trousers in those days.  Simon had long hair, massive chop sideburns and was about 2-3 years older than me.  He looked like he should have been in Supergrass and was cool as fuck.  He spent his time lairing up the managers, smoking silk cut and wise cracking.  I'll never forget the time when we were all refused our tea-break to do a stock check and he climbed on top of some shelves and started chanting TEA TIME TEA TIME TEA TIME and jeering at the cunt of a store manager.  Would love to know where he ended up.

Also in an office job Ian, who was in his 50s and has done the same civil service job for 30 years, never married, no kids, still lived at home with his mother, his Dad died when he was a little nipper.  Got nervous and his hands shook if you ever asked him to do anything slightly outside his lane.  We had an office to ourself and i'd put on music - for some reason, he could name any national anthem or movie theme you put on within about 3 seconds.  He didn't know why or how he coudl do it, he had no interest in music or films.  Most days I used to put on songs and make up obscene lyrics to make him blush.  On one occasion I was singing along to You Win Again by the Bee Gees but replacing those words with 'My Ball Bag'.  As usual I tried to get him to pick up the reins of ad-libbing some lyrics, something he was always to shy to do.  On this one and only occasion he stood up and started singing in a dainty but forceful voice 'LICK UP MY CUM, LICK UP CUM!' and huffing his arms up and down.  I was speechless. His eyed widened and he went red and sat down. 

The end of this post floored me, an amazing image.

[Des Wigwam]

The end of this post floored me, an amazing image.

Half asleep taking an age to read that but had exactly the same reaction.

[madhair60]

Yeah that's a belter

[pigamus]

Another lady also committed suicide but i didn't know her as well. I know she never said thank you when I helped her or held doors open.

[Bad Ambassador]

Spoiler for Nope.

Spoiler alert

a big cowboy hat flying around sucking people off.

[close]

[Twit 2]

i believe it is from the film "slow torture puke chamber". hope this helps.

[itsfredtitmus]

Would have posted that one if I caught it lmao

[Cerys]

Not just me, then.

[madhair60]

One advantage is that when things REALLY go to shit very soon, I'll have a good head start. All these noobs and chumps looking quizzically at a noose and I'll be diving headfirst into the thresher.

I feel bad laughing at it but juxtaposition of the last two images cracked me up

[pancreas]

Your remark that Anne Frank's diary was 'all "Me, me, me" receives a round of applause from 40 colleagues.

[jenna appleseed]

Buried under the stage of the London Palladium?? Fucking hell they're basically begging to be haunted doing that aren't they? Giant razor sharp playing cards flying out and beheading the backing dancers of Beauty and the Beast: The Musical, cuddly toys floating along an invisible conveyor belt with their eyes gouged out and teeming with maggots and blood, stage hands found dead with ice skates lodged in the back of their heads, performers getting ready in the dressing room and hearing a distant "nice to see you..." then turning and looking in the mirror only to see a grotesquely warped face rasping "TO SEEEE YOUUU NIIIIIIIICCCEE" as its huge engorged and greasy chin stretches out from the glass like the telly in Videodrome and caresses their face which is fixed frozen in terror. What were they thinking?

The only good thing that could come of this is that the ghost kills Morrissey when he plays there this October.

[The Mollusk]

Message from Generous Seagull!

[Ferris]

Ryan Giggs' poetry to his ex/dv survivor.



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