Cricket 2022: The Thuglife Era (Stokes, Woakes, Foakes, and plenty of chokes)

[sevendaughters]

I will say Crawley b. Nortje 18 (35), cheeky as he has started, but sticking with it

[Inspector Norse]

Crawley c Petersen b Jansen 22 (34b, 2x4)

Bit of a wild card this one but deserve it after my first-innings near-success

[MrMealDeal]

Nobody had lbw Maharaj on their bingo card I see. Still, a nice positive innings, which should cement his place in the side.

[sevendaughters]

thanks for playing everyone, I don't think anyone's won Bully's Star Prize today.

[Inspector Norse]

We asked 100 people to name the worst opener in test cricket

CRAWLEY 82
CAMPBELL 17
NIGHTMAN 1

[gilbertharding]

LBW not caught this time? Is this a sign he's improving?

[dontrunyoullfall]

The England team will be loving this. Positivity off the scale.

[Thursday]

Stokes out just before Lunch, Foakes out just before the rain delay, Pope out just before Lunch. Good stuff this.

[Thursday]

At the point where I'm seeing Lees on 25 and thinking. "See that's decent for an opener."

[Thursday]

Heads gone

[iamcoop]

The way Cook keeps casually referring to BAZBALL as if it's some legitimate form of the game like One-Day or T20 makes me feel physically sick.

[robhug]

id wager broad will be close enough to be holding the square leg umpire's hand at the point Nortje bowls at him

the big yellow fanny

[Cuellar]

Great!

[Inspector Norse]

England revert to being aids, then.

It's almost as if positive vibes and flat pitches can't actually solve the glaring technical and tactical deficiencies that have plagued England for a decade!

[Thursday]

"Look we knew we'd have days where it went like this."

[Thursday]

Badball more like

[sevendaughters]

Dean Elgar must be feeling like a dog with two tin dicks.

[poo]

Dogshit cunts fuck off

[shoulders]

"You don't go from being a good team to a bad team overnight".

The other way around Brendon, I'm afraid. Same side that won 2 tests in 17, not suddenly not a good side from winning a few tests from historically poor positions.

The batting order has an opener who at this stage is likely to make fewer runs than our number 10.

AIDS beasts.

[Thursday]

So is that 18.6 for Crawley since 2021?

[shoulders]

So is that 18.6 for Crawley since 2021?

Sub 16

Spoiler alert

sorry,  another paed joke

[close]

[iamcoop]

Stokes pathetically surly and defensive in the post match interview.

Genuinely quite worrying when someone legitimately says "South Africa bowled a good length and it seemed to work better" and he just goes "DID THEY? DUNNO MATE" with a frosty and confrontational silence afterwards.

I might eat my words and we might batter SA in the next two tests but even still I will feel HOLLOW.

Root had absolute dementia in his post-match interviews when it came to discussing what had gone wrong and how we could improve but at least he would admit when we were absolute fucking dogshit.

We're entering the Legend Gary era of the team and I hope we get cunted into the sun until some fucking sense gets knocked into people.

[FalknerHinton]

We're entering the Legend Gary era of the team and I hope we get cunted into the sun until some fucking sense gets knocked into people.

We might be waiting a while

"We're not for one minute going to look back at this and think we're going to have to change what we've done."

[Cuellar]

I reckon changing the "bat like spongiform encephalitis" tactic would be a good idea

[badaids]

Yeah, looks like all this bazball bullocks got inside the Proteus heads.

The thing is, if you play the type of cricket England say they want to you are going to get extreme results. Either we are going to thrash or pull a result out of the hat, or we are going to get tonked. With the players we have likely to be more the latter, on average. Bazball or whatever dick head name they've come up with is just a cricket with a gamblers mentality. Which is the opposite of what test cricket is supposed to be.

[iamcoop]

"You have to think about the overall package," said New Zealander McCullum. "We have some players that have been put in those positions because they have certain skillsets.

"I look at a guy like Zak and his skillset is not to be a consistent cricketer. He's not that type of player.

"He's put in that situation because he has a game which, when he gets going, he can win matches for England."

Fuuuuuuck me

[shoulders]

He is consistently bad.

[Crenners]

I don't care if we lose, I forget it instantly and it means absolutely nothing in a sporting competition without relegation or consequence. If we play Bazball and flog a few dickheads and it sometimes comes off gloriously, that's great. I'd much rather play this way because Test ranking and so on means absolutely nothing.

It really doesn't matter if we lose to South Africa because they're non-entities. Kiwis and Pakistan likewise. Windies barely exist as a Test nation because their game is so impoverished. India is a big cricket nation but I only care how we do because I loathe their fans and players. If they were sound, I could give a fuck.

The Ashes is the only Test contest which means anything at all. The prospect of maayyyybbbbeee going full Bazball in their own backyard and triggering the new Jonestown is very exciting. If we lose, it doesn't matter. Losing is nothing these days, you just move on.

[badaids]

"You have to think about the overall package," said New Zealander McCullum. "We have some players that have been put in those positions because they have certain skillsets.

"I look at a guy like Zak and his skillset is not to be a consistent cricketer. He's not that type of player.

"He's put in that situation because he has a game which, when he gets going, he can win matches for England."

Fuuuuuuck me

That's not a real quote is it?

[badaids]

I don't care if we lose, I forget it instantly and it means absolutely nothing in a sporting competition without relegation or consequence. If we play Bazball and flog a few dickheads and it sometimes comes off gloriously, that's great. I'd much rather play this way because Test ranking and so on means absolutely nothing.

It really doesn't matter if we lose to South Africa because they're non-entities. Kiwis and Pakistan likewise. Windies barely exist as a Test nation because their game is so impoverished. India is a big cricket nation but I only care how we do because I loathe their fans and players. If they were sound, I could give a fuck.

The Ashes is the only Test contest which means anything at all. The prospect of maayyyybbbbeee going full Bazball in their own backyard and triggering the new Jonestown is very exciting. If we lose, it doesn't matter. Losing is nothing these days, you just move on.

I agree with much of this, particularly the bit about the Ashes.  I just wish that McCullum would come out and be honest with it.