Who Are History's 50 Thickest Rock Stars?

[Kankurette]

Van 'awful oul' eejit'* Morrison has to be in there somewhere. He is a very silly man.

*I have a friend from Belfast who once told me that her grandpa taught Van Morrison woodwork and called him an 'awful oul' eejit' and I've never been able to look at him in the same way since. Van was a little shit as a kid too.

Gallagher Minor has apparently read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Not sure if he's read the rest of the Narnia series though.

[buzby]

Tom Meighan from Kasabian - thick as pigshit.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

Not a rock star, but I caught a bit of Princess Nokia being interviewed on Radio 1 the other day and they were trying  to sound clever by reaching for impressive words but got all the words wrong, like saying grandose instead of grandiose and they struck me as thick as shit (verbally, that is, I'm sure there's intelligence of other types operating in order to be successful in music).

few people have gone from cool and interesting to obnoxious and annoying as quickly. I remember really liking her first few things then she dropped off a cliff

[maett]

Pete Doherty
I watched that Electric Dreams documentary thing years ago, I still remember one sequence as Pete and the film maker gaze over a cemetery, it went along the lines of
Pete 'my ____ is buried there, he set fire to himself'
doc maker 'self-immolation'
Pete 'No, he set fire to himself'

it's possible Doherty said it for comic effect, I don't know enough about the man but he seemed pretty thick.
found it

[Chicory]

Jennie Matthias from Belle Stars who went all QAnon, pro-Trump, anti vax etc hatstand.

[dontpaintyourteeth]

If you like The Velvet Underground, never read Moe Tucker's Facebook.

[Neomod]

Jennie Matthias from Belle Stars who went all QAnon, pro-Trump, anti vax etc hatstand.

Phew, my boyhood crushes Miranda and Sarah Jane still ok then.

[bushwick]

Metallica must be in the running somewhere. A lot of the 80s hair metallers came across as numb as fuck too, can't think of particular examples, it just seemed to be the default.

Ozzie Osbourne is far from thick IMO.

Papa Roach.
Phil Anselmo.

(I'm keeping it to rockers but if we're including rappers I can think of a good few off the top of my head.)

[Dr Rock]

I was thinking of Jon Bon Jovi, but I don't really know for sure.

[Shaky]

In the Metalsphere -

Dave Mustaine has never struck me as very bright.
Phil Anselmo is undoubtedly a deeply thick cunt.

EDIT: Beaten to it by Bushwick!

I was going to put Metallica but I'll stand up for Hetfield and Ulrich, although Hammett comes across as a fairly empty headed surf-bro in a lot of interviews.

[the science eel]

Ozzie Osbourne is far from thick IMO.

Well after seeing the defence of Ringo too, I'm wondering if it's just that we're reluctant to see our heroes as thick, or anything approaching it. It's easier to point the finger at Daltrey or Clapton 'cos we're indifferent to them, really (AND they're anti-vaxxers/Brexiteers).

Ozzy and Ringo were/are funny as fuck sometimes but couldn't power a fridge light between them.

[timbis]

Pete Doherty
I watched that Electric Dreams documentary thing years ago, I still remember one sequence as Pete and the film maker gaze over a cemetery, it went along the lines of
Pete 'my ____ is buried there, he set fire to himself'
doc maker 'self-immolation'
Pete 'No, he set fire to himself'

it's possible Doherty said it for comic effect, I don't know enough about the man but he seemed pretty thick.
found it

He absolutely said it for comic effect. Pete Doherty is many things but thick isn't one of them. Massive Hancock fan as well.

[rilk]

He absolutely said it for comic effect. Pete Doherty is many things but thick isn't one of them. Massive Hancock fan as well.

Was about to say just that - that's a quip from the mind of a Galton & Simpson obsessive

[non capisco]

Yeah, I met Doherty a couple of times many years ago as I was at university at the same time as his sister and Carl Barat. He seemed notably sharp as a tack for his young years back then. I suppose gobbling all the drugs all the livelong day probably has a deleterious effect on your grey matter but he certainly didn't start out as a wally.

I was gonna say Vanilla Ice as I remember seeing him on a reality show confusing hummus with Hamas and declaring "I don't eat that terrorist shit" but thinking about it that might have been a joke as well. There's the "stop, collaborate and listen" smoking gun I suppose. Think you meant 'congregate', mate  Someone told me recently that Vanilla Ice is supposed to be obsessed with the disappearance of Shergar so I dunno what to think. Niche obsessions seem like the sort of thing intelligent people have. Who knows, CaB? Is Robert Van a winkle or not?

[Martin Van Buren Stan]

Yeah, I met Doherty a couple of times many years ago as I was at university at the same time as his sister and Carl Barat. He seemed notably sharp as a tack for his young years back then. I suppose gobbling all the drugs all the livelong day probably has a deleterious effect on your grey matter but he certainly didn't start out as a wally.

I was gonna say Vanilla Ice as I remember seeing him on a reality show confusing hummus with Hamas and declaring "I don't eat that terrorist shit" but thinking about it that might have been a joke as well. There's the "stop, collaborate and listen" smoking gun I suppose. Think you meant 'congregate', mate  Someone told me recently that Vanilla Ice is supposed to be obsessed with the disappearance of Shergar so I dunno what to think. Niche obsessions seem like the sort of thing intelligent people have. Who knows, CaB? Is Robert Van a winkle or not?

He did a radio 4 documentary on it I think. And I'm pretty sure a guy called chocolate wrote IIB so it's inconclusive

[dontpaintyourteeth]

do the BROS lads count

[Martin Van Buren Stan]

Pete Doherty
I watched that Electric Dreams documentary thing years ago, I still remember one sequence as Pete and the film maker gaze over a cemetery, it went along the lines of
Pete 'my ____ is buried there, he set fire to himself'
doc maker 'self-immolation'
Pete 'No, he set fire to himself'

it's possible Doherty said it for comic effect, I don't know enough about the man but he seemed pretty thick.
found it

He was also thick enough to record a video for"The Lost Art of Murder" in a flat where he'd recently been accused of the murder of Mark Blanco

[bgmnts]

Just read up on thst Jesus what a cunt.

[Martin Van Buren Stan]

Just read up on thst Jesus what a cunt.

The video of him and his friends looking at Blanco's dying body then running away is sickening. The pricks went and had a party in a hotel that night too. Every one handles grief in their own way though!

[Pauline Walnuts]

That Matt Bianco had it coming to him.

[Dr Rock]

do the BROS lads count

If we open the door to boy bands (and I know the Bros lads have dabbled in what they think is rock, but they have never been rock stars) we might be here forever.

[BeardFaceMan]

Jimi Hendrix. Well he certainly never got his first aid 'O' Level, did he?

[Kankurette]

The cult of Pete Docherty was one of the things I will never understand about noughties indie. The Libertines were OK but I'm clearly missing something. Also, didn't he take blood from some unconscious girl to do blood paintings? And the cunt never turned up for Babyshambles gigs.

He's swapped heroin for cheese now. As in eating it, not making it like fellow druggie musician turned fat guy Alex James.

If you like The Velvet Underground, never read Moe Tucker's Facebook.

She's a Tea Partier, isn't she?

And yes, Phil Anselmo is as dumb as a box of hair.

[dontpaintyourteeth]

If we open the door to boy bands (and I know the Bros lads have dabbled in what they think is rock, but they have never been rock stars) we might be here forever.

fair enough aye

[Twit 2]

do the BROS lads count

They can manage up to about 7, I think.

[the ouch cube]

As a sort of fan (metal adjacent rather than A Metalhead), I'd say it took until about 1988/89 for there even to begin to be anyone involved in the genre who wasn't thick

[Martin Van Buren Stan]

That Matt Bianco had it coming to him.

What, the pavement?

[Clatty McCutcheon]

Just read up on thst Jesus what a cunt.

I'm not sure this new version of 'What a Friend We Have in Jesus' is going to catch on, to be honest.

[Pauline Walnuts]

Paul Di'anno.

But he has worse problems.

[Dr Rock]

I reckon Paul Weller is thick, who's with me?