Real people with spectacular names

[curiousoranges]

Former Zimbabwean defender Danger Fourpence

Danger's my... Christian name.

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

Name in the Dartford area phone book in the early 90s - Christopher Wanklyn.

Yes, I had to visit a Mr Wanklyn a few years ago. I was so determined to show that I found nothing remotely funny about his name ("WANKlyn you say? No, never even occurred to me") that when he answered door I pretended I'd forgotten it and looked skyward with a furrowed brow as if trying to recall it. Unfortunately Mr Wanklyn must have assumed I was trying to suppress a smirk and was very frosty with me.

[Inspector Norse]

Kid in my son's school is called Napoleon. You just wonder why.

For my work experience I was "placed" in a pensions accounts office and one thrilling opportunity I had was copying a bunch of names into a spreadsheet. My week was significantly improved by the discovery that there was a local pensioner named Fook Yao.

[flotemysost]

Laughing at non-English names feels a bit rum, but I used to email an Adora Wang at work sometimes - I actually really like that one, aside from that fantastically end-of-pier combo of words it's just got a lovely cadence to it.

And I'm certain I mention it at every possible opportunity (both on here and IRL) but years ago I went to a presentation by a Rhino Posthumous.

Gay Weatherhead.

I wonder when the given name Gay (or possibly Gaylord) stopped being popular; there definitely seem to be at least some people with that name who must have been born after the word's current use was well established. The Gardener's World presenter Gay Search (a woman) always sounded to me like some sort of formative Web 1.0 dating site.

[buttgammon]

Laughing at non-English names feels a bit rum, but I used to email an Adora Wang at work sometimes - I actually really like that one, aside from that fantastically end-of-pier combo of words it's just got a lovely cadence to it.

And I'm certain I mention it at every possible opportunity (both on here and IRL) but years ago I went to a presentation by a Rhino Posthumous.

I wonder when the given name Gay (or possibly Gaylord) stopped being popular; there definitely seem to be at least some people with that name who must have been born after the word's current use was well established. The Gardener's World presenter Gay Search (a woman) always sounded to me like some sort of formative Web 1.0 dating site.

If Adora has a relative called Voltaire, I had to email him with work a while back.

[hamfist]

Randy Gaylord

[non capisco]

I biked something at work once to a guy called Simon Supersad. I wonder if he leans into his name with an Eeyorish disposition or defies expectations and leaps around all day like a caffeinated five year old, or Timmy Mallett.

Rhino Posthumous is the most amazing name I've heard of in my life. The name's Posthumous, Rhino Posthumous.

[Stigdu]

I used to know a Guthrie Moody.

[studpuppet]

I know you're all tip-toeing around it, but it's Tokyo Sexwale isn't it?

And if it isn't that, then it's Jack Nicklaus' grandson-in-law.

[Sebastian Cobb]

American football has some phenomenal names:
- D'Brickashaw Ferguson
- Barkevious Mingo
- Ha-Ha Clinton-Dix
- Forrest Lamp
- Plaxico Burress
- Earthwind Moreland
- Richie Incognito

Something about it attracts 'em.

Really makes the Japanese attempt at American baseball players seem grounded.

[non capisco]

I know you're all tip-toeing around it, but it's Tokyo Sexwale isn't it?

Ex-president of Nigeria Goodluck Jonathan is also in with a shout.

Or you could be Ronnie Hotdogs....

[George White]

There's a child at my daughter's nursery called Clash, and my wife informs me that one of the parents turned up for collection wearing a t-shirt of The Clash. The name is bad enough, but the t-shirt is just far too on the nose isn't it.

my childhood crush was nearly called Jethro had she been a boy, thanks to her dad being a fan of the Tull.

[checkoutgirl]

Analissa Bliss

It already sounds like a pornstar's name, even without the intervention of the spreadsheet. Even a pornstar would think Bliss Anal is a bit on the nose.

I went to school with a lad whose name sounded phonetically like "Garode MaCrink" which inevitably was creatively finessed by the 10 year old lads in the class to "Gay Rode M'Crack". Hard to live that one down.

[non capisco]

My mate says he went to school with a perilously thin looking boy called Ian Kellington. No prizes for guessing etc.

[flotemysost]

Really makes the Japanese attempt at American baseball players seem grounded.

Now and then, out of the blue, the name Todd Bonzalez pops into my head and I have to invoke a sudden bout of coughing.

Simon Supersad

Ah that's fab!

[Sebastian Cobb]

Now and then, out of the blue, the name Todd Bonzalez pops into my head and I have to invoke a sudden bout of coughing.

It's Bobson Dugnutt that does that for me.

I really want to share a good mates name in here but also don't just want to post his full name on the internet. So I'll swap his real first name one for an equally common/banal name and say I know 'Ian Brill'. He is actually a brill guy tbf.

[DrGreggles]

It's Bobson Dugnutt that does that for me.

Chalk me up for Team Dugnutt too.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Mike Truk is incredible as well.



Quite like how if you get bored and search the names on twitter there's usually a funny wag who has something amusing to say.

[bgmnts]

Bobson Dugnutt is almost too funny.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Back on subject there was a Ben Twilly at school. My mates mum tried to explain to his (German apparently, dunno, never met her) mum why it was a bad idea.

[non capisco]

I've probably already mentioned this one on here before but there was a woman who worked in the New York office of my workplace called Rusty Burris and in my mind that name completely sounded like slang for a hastily wiped arsehole. As in "I needed a shit last minute this morning and had to run for the train and now I'm sat here with a rusty burris." I mentioned this to the whole office and I'm afraid it caught on. So there was this woman none of us had ever met who every time she emailed or sent over anything from NY we'd all be laughing at her name like a puerile flock of semi-sentient anthropoids. Sorry, Rusty. Rusty Burris.

[prelektric]

As an apprentice back in the mid 90s, one of my supervisors had the unfortunate moniker of John Butanus. He insisted it was pronounced "Boo-tah-nus" rather than the phonetic way, which really wasn't helping him and just made 17 year old me chortle even more. He was an awful man though, so didn't feel guilty at all.

Having worked in FE colleges for most of my career I've seen some corkers among the student population, but one very memorable example was that of a mature student named Fanny Onions. Turned out her husband Tommy was on the same course.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Had a very camp English/Drama teacher who thanks to partridge people referred to as 'Camp David', bit rum in retrospect.

[Cuntbeaks]

Johnny Topaz.


And no, not a porn actor

[Sonny_Jim]

Family friends with the Hardicks.  Also knew a Richard Headly.

Adora Wang

Splendid.

[Des Wigwam]

Having worked in FE colleges for most of my career I've seen some corkers among the student population, but one very memorable example was that of a mature student named Fanny Onions. Turned out her husband Tommy was on the same course.

I was wondering why people were still posting after Hugh Cumber had been named but it's been worth the wait.

Someone needs to let Simon Day know about Tommy Onions.

[Stigdu]

I've probably already mentioned this one on here before but there was a woman who worked in the New York office of my workplace called Rusty Burris and in my mind that name completely sounded like slang for a hastily wiped arsehole. As in "I needed a shit last minute this morning and had to run for the train and now I'm sat here with a rusty burris." I mentioned this to the whole office and I'm afraid it caught on. So there was this woman none of us had ever met who every time she emailed or sent over anything from NY we'd all be laughing at her name like a puerile flock of semi-sentient anthropoids. Sorry, Rusty. Rusty Burris.

Love this story.

[studpuppet]

Having worked in FE colleges for most of my career I've seen some corkers among the student population, but one very memorable example was that of a mature student named Fanny Onions. Turned out her husband Tommy was on the same course.

My industry has a couple of corkers, but they aren't isolated incidents:

https://www.linkedin.com/search/results/people/?keywords=fanny%20tang&origin=CLUSTER_EXPANSION&sid=64y

https://www.linkedin.com/search/results/people/?keywords=wee%20kok&origin=GLOBAL_SEARCH_HEADER&sid=kLQ

[Shaxberd]

Cool Freaks Wikipedia Club (the only good thing about Facebook) brought this wonder to light today:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_H._Bonesteel_III

Supposedly pronounced 'bon-uh-stel' but why would you?

[Voltan (Man of Steel)]

I've posted this one before in another thread but what the hell.