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March 29, 2024, 02:05:14 PM

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David Jason spouts a load of fecking bollocks and says he was offered Father Ted

Started by George White, July 23, 2022, 11:40:20 PM

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McDead

Quote from: idunnosomename on July 26, 2022, 01:08:32 PMWill David Jason get a state Only Fools funeral? Thousands upon thousands of Rodneys and Uncle Alberts lining Ludgate Hill up to St Paul's

All mourners bedecked in hooky off brand sportswear as the notorious shortarse cockney cunt is lowered into the clay. A sea of Trevor Francis tracksuits from here to Shepherd's Bush

Video Game Fan 2000


JamesTC



Video Game Fan 2000

When David Jason gets to heaven all the cherubs have big white beards because Buster Merryfield died first

JamesTC

God: During the war with the eternal forces of darkness...
Sir David Jason: Leave it out, God

Video Game Fan 2000


Alberon

A mock-up bar is built over the grave and the coffin is placed vertically next to it. At the appropriate moment it is pushed to fall sideways into the grave.

And Trigger makes a... well nothing really. He's already dead himself.

petril

Roderney leads the funeral procession down the wrong back alley and they end up in 1981. fortunately he can get back home to see his friend, a refugee from Brookside who can forge good period banknotes

Video Game Fan 2000

Quote from: petril on July 26, 2022, 05:42:18 PMRoderney leads the funeral procession down the wrong back alley and they end up in 1981 which they use in an attempt to resurrect Sir David Jason's corpse

this Pet Cemetary rewrite is already chilling me to the bone

"sometimes...they don't come back kushty"

McDead

Quote from: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 26, 2022, 05:23:49 PMDavid Jason's open casket is full of fake rolexes

"Rodney, you gormless wally dipstick plunker cunt! You've only gawn and buried the bleeding hooky rolexes aintcher??"

(Grandad, in hell) "Oh naowow"

McDead

In other news: notorious deluded lying dipstick wally burping-in-make up girls face, Father Ted playing cunt David Jason is once again taking his LAW EXAMS at the grand old age of 82. And this time, he's hoping to PASS the bar


Cold Meat Platter


frajer

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on July 26, 2022, 11:24:34 PMI wonder what his cock looks like.

This was also Jason's audition dialogue for Jack Horner in Boogie Nights, which he was offered and very nearly accepted (until he pissed off Mark Wahlberg by saying the Funky Bunch were preening ball-bags.)


Video Game Fan 2000

Someone paints a bottle of piss on Father Ted's window and when the angle lines up it looks like he's drinking it.

Captain Z

Dougal leaves his table tennis paddle in the window, causing a passing plane to think Ted is directing it to land there.

McDead

Mrs Doyle's ex husband (Jim Broadbent) returns to wreak havoc at the Parochial House, Peckham. Meanwhile daft plonker cunt Dougal wins a holiday to the mainland, but must dress and act as a child.

JamesTC

It is lent so Father Ted is giving up cigars, Dougal is giving up weeing in the water and Father Jack is giving up Emperor Burgers.

Replies From View

In real life I do expect a crowd of posh choir to angelically sing

AH PUT A PONY IN A POCKEH HMM
AN PUT AH BRIEFCASE IN AH VAN
AN WHEN AH WON'T ARS QUESTIONS
AS TO BE THA BESTIONS
YOU SAY BROTHER
YES I CAAAAAN

as the coffin is brought through the mourners to the front.  And they stop at that line above because that's when the coffin is finally put into place.


Just an awful, awful event.  Countless bad choices throughout.

People who remember him coming to the stage, and because they did the same thing years ago for This Is Your Life they get confused and forget he's dead and start laughing and clapping while they repeat their boring anecdotes.

Cast of the dinner experience hired to bring humour and be a bit daft at crucial moments only, but they forget when those crucial non-offensive moments are so they do it throughout.  And they all look like 15 year olds with artificially greyed hair just pranking around in oversized Only Fools costumes, shouting random lines of text that sound like heckling.

Video Game Fan 2000

...and when the man said, Lord but when I was at my lowest I saw only three tire tracks in the sand

...and that's when God replied "My precious Child...LEAAAVE IT AHT YOU TART"

Replies From View

I'm not looking forward to the bit of the funeral where they lovingly use his lifeless body to recreate the "discovered blanching on a dark beach" scene from ET (which he was originally cast as).

Stonefish

Quote from: Video Game Fan 2000 on July 28, 2022, 08:41:25 AM...and when the man said, Lord but when I was at my lowest I saw only three tire tracks in the sand

hahahaha

McDead

Quote from: Replies From View on July 28, 2022, 07:53:57 AMIn real life I do expect a crowd of posh choir to angelically sing

AH PUT A PONY IN A POCKEH HMM
AN PUT AH BRIEFCASE IN AH VAN
AN WHEN AH WON'T ARS QUESTIONS
AS TO BE THA BESTIONS
YOU SAY BROTHER
YES I CAAAAAN

as the coffin is brought through the mourners to the front.  And they stop at that line above because that's when the coffin is finally put into place.


Just an awful, awful event.  Countless bad choices throughout.

People who remember him coming to the stage, and because they did the same thing years ago for This Is Your Life they get confused and forget he's dead and start laughing and clapping while they repeat their boring anecdotes.

Cast of the dinner experience hired to bring humour and be a bit daft at crucial moments only, but they forget when those crucial non-offensive moments are so they do it throughout.  And they all look like 15 year olds with artificially greyed hair just pranking around in oversized Only Fools costumes, shouting random lines of text that sound like heckling.

Truly he was the conniving loveable dipstick wally shortarse cunt of hearts

Replies From View

Hey do you remember the tricycle that Billy Connolly rode in his World Tour of Australia series and so on?  Well according to a November 2003 interview that was originally going to be David Jason.

Video Game Fan 2000

Jesus (David Jason) goes in to see the moneylenders in the temple, yells at them for taking the place where him and Peter (Rodney) usually set up their stall

"this is my beloved sahn in whom i am well pleased" - Buster Merryfield

kalowski

"I told you, Raquel. I warned you for a solid year. You cross me, there will be consequences. What part of that didn't you understand?"
"He who dares, wins, Jesse"
"I think we're on a winner here, Gus, play it nice and cool son, nice and cool. You know what I mean? (falls through washing machine hiding a meth lab) Drink up Gus, we're leaving."

Video Game Fan 2000

Eric Idle originally got the idea for the Life of Brian when Christ fell through the cross

and three days later rose again to the top of Britain's Favourite Comedy Moments

Video Game Fan 2000

Citizen Kane begins when Charles Foster Kane (David Jason) drops a snowglobe which summons a servant when it plays "In the Summertime" by Mungo Jerry

we then follow some journalists to the Nag's Head as they try to work out what Rosebud is rhyming slag for or whether Kane was simply trying to saying Arrondisement, a word he believed was French for "heart attack"