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August 10, 2022, 07:02:30 AM

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kids

Started by kittens, August 06, 2022, 04:04:34 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

kittens

im stuck having to look after a 2 year old. watching digger videos on YouTube for like 2 hours. made me realise again how much i do not want kids. can't do anything at all unless you hypnotise them with YouTube. desperately want to leave but I'm the friggin babysitter

does you have kids? do you like them? how you get anything done?

This is not a thread about those people who really don't want kids and say weird shit about parents. those reddit guys. if you talk about those folks I'll get Barry to ban you.

Right Thanks all. have a great weekend.

imitationleather

Was terrified this was going to be about you becoming a father.

Mr Vegetables

I think kids are great, and at the same time the idea of being entirely responsible for their survival fills me with horror, like Lemmings

i'm nearly 40 now and i want to share my terrible discovery with you all: babies do not exist i have never seen one, they're a ploy to get you back to work instead of doing one degree after another until your student loan is scrubbed

shoulders

kittens secretly loves the digger videos while his 2 year old godson is advancing at such a stupendously faster rate he actually wants to watch daring new wave cinema from Belgium.

When the child tries to change the channel kittens uses the brute force of his adult body to quell the dissent and return to his favourite diggers on screen.

human beings are discovered aged 15 swaddled in ironic tshirts beneath a sign saying "drinks minimum" and protected by booming sounds

i dont know how dna gets from gametes to tshirts but i believe computers are involved

Buelligan

Quote from: imitationleather on August 06, 2022, 04:07:58 PMWas terrified this was going to be about you becoming a father.

Same.  After the frog, wasn't sure if I had the emotional resilience.

I like kids tons.  Have it easy here because I can walk them along the river, find waterfalls, caves, tadpoles and snakes.  Can go on the mountain and find the wild asparagus.  Make moulds from animal prints.  Build a cabin and take food to it.  Make tiny boats.  Collect egg shells and find out which bird's bottom they came from.  Make a tarzan swing.  Bake fucking cakes.  Press flowers.  Feed cats.  I do all the shit and I love it.

i'm putting my findings in a .txt and uploading it. i call it the cyborg manifesto

bgmnts

Love kids and talking with them between the ages of about 3-10 is very entertaining and interesting.

Sadly 90% of them turn into cunt teens and cuntier adults so it's always bittersweet.

cbeebies is your friend.
Stone cold foxes like Nina of "and the neurons" fame, and Miss hoolie from balamory.
All comforting, slow, happy niceness that turns your brain to a pleasant mush.

Buelligan

Quote from: bgmnts on August 06, 2022, 04:40:24 PMLove kids and talking with them between the ages of about 3-10 is very entertaining and interesting.

Sadly 90% of them turn into cunt teens and cuntier adults so it's always bittersweet.

I don't think they do, do they?  I remember, when I got to about eleven, people who'd always been really lovely with me started to become distant and weird, far less accepting.  It felt like I was being punished for changing in a way I had no power at all over.  I sometimes wonder whether it's the same when people get old.  Others stop seeing them as full normal people, treat them differently.

Hold on to the love, bgmnts.

Butchers Blind

Why would anyone want a baby when you know what they grow into.

The Mollusk

Kid's are fucking stupid

Stoneage Dinosaurs

Quote from: imitationleather on August 06, 2022, 04:07:58 PMWas terrified this was going to be about you becoming a father.

I think kittens and a kid would be a perfect combo. Don't know what you're talking about. Just two little crazy bastards causing havoc, guzzling giant bottles of pop and giant piles of haribo, riding plastic trikes everywhere and smashing up everything in the house, brilliant

madhair60

Quote from: Stoneage Dinosaurs on August 06, 2022, 05:06:02 PMI think kittens and a kid would be a perfect combo. Don't know what you're talking about. Just two little crazy bastards causing havoc, guzzling giant bottles of pop and giant piles of haribo, riding plastic trikes everywhere and smashing up everything in the house, brilliant

don't forget about the sex

Buelligan

Just glad we all feel comfortable talking about it.

checkoutgirl

Quote from: Butchers Blind on August 06, 2022, 04:50:16 PMWhy would anyone want a baby when you know what they grow into.

Hunter Biden used to be a baby. Next thing there's this laptop business. It's just not worth it.

As for babies, I don't even like paid work so fuck this non paid raising babies lark. It's just a big scam to create the next generation of plumbers and gardeners for our capitalist overlords.

Can you imagine waking up in the morning and actually looking forward to going to your day job because it's a blessed relief from family life? You go to work for 8 hours, 2 hour commute, then come home to more work. No escape except sleep which is frequently disturbed.

My life is shit enough as it is. A baby would push me to suicide, or homelessness. Or suicide while homeless.

king_tubby

I like kids, but I couldn't eat a whole one!

Seriously though, I don't eat children. That would be wrong.

imitationleather

Christ. Always with the moralising.

shoulders

Quote from: imitationleather on August 06, 2022, 06:21:28 PMChrist. Always with the moralising.

Sermon on the mount was a low point.

Zero Gravitas

Yes. Very much so. I work, my partner doesn't so child wrangles most of the time unless a change of pace is demanded.

Apart from today where she's away at a birthday party:

Today I cooked my daughter a lightly curried mash of peas and butternut squash, when she wolfed down, then I read her some of The Twits, brushed her hair and then hummed a mozart medley which was mostly "Notte e giorno faticar" and "Madamina, il catalogo è questo" but at one point accidentally slipped a bit of the DS9 theme tune in there which coincided with a laugh, not sure if that was related, by the end of that she was sleeping.

A this point I managed to do my important DS9 review for the re-watch thread as it was so clearly on my mind.

She woke up a little while ago as I could heard her fish tails book crinkling, so I've brought her through to my office where she's playing in her chair pressing buttons on some fake car keys and kissing a stuffed squid called 'sprinkles' but who I always want to call 'squiggles' as his legs are squiggly.

Night before last she refused to sleep so she sat on my lap and we watched the "Deserts" episode of planet earth by the time the fennec foxes had gone she couldn't hold her head up anymore and was put back to bed with a little hand holding.

All really lovely.

Technically she's Scottish, perhaps they're just better?

Spoke too soon, got bored of sprinkles is now helping me type. Very good at spacebar.

kittens

there's like a small window when they're good. baby is crap and boring. age 2 to 4 they are cute and fun but tiring. older than that they just watching alt-right Americans playing Minecraft

kittens

i barely even get to play videogames now. inside if i had to tend to an infant constantly. I'd have to turn in my epic gamer supercard

  Kids? First 18 months-2 years I hated. I hate leeching crying fucking babies. It genuinely repulses me. After that, when they start talking/being an actual person, I fucking love them*. Especially pre-10 years or so. Then they realise your tricks and you have to rely on their goodwill not to out you as just another hypocritical shithead in a world of hypocritical shitheads. Then you die.

*please be mature enough not to make the gag.

Glebe

Couldn't eat a etc.

TrenterPercenter

Would love to have kids.  Sadly cannot.

checkoutgirl

Quote from: Zero Gravitas on August 06, 2022, 06:55:40 PMYes. Very much so. I work, my partner doesn't so child wrangles most of the time unless a change of pace is demanded.

Apart from today where she's away at a birthday party:

Today I cooked my daughter a lightly curried mash of peas and butternut squash, when she wolfed down, then I read her some of The Twits, brushed her hair and then hummed a mozart medley which was mostly "Notte e giorno faticar" and "Madamina, il catalogo è questo" but at one point accidentally slipped a bit of the DS9 theme tune in there which coincided with a laugh, not sure if that was related, by the end of that she was sleeping.

A this point I managed to do my important DS9 review for the re-watch thread as it was so clearly on my mind.

She woke up a little while ago as I could heard her fish tails book crinkling, so I've brought her through to my office where she's playing in her chair pressing buttons on some fake car keys and kissing a stuffed squid called 'sprinkles' but who I always want to call 'squiggles' as his legs are squiggly.

Night before last she refused to sleep so she sat on my lap and we watched the "Deserts" episode of planet earth by the time the fennec foxes had gone she couldn't hold her head up anymore and was put back to bed with a little hand holding.

All really lovely.

Technically she's Scottish, perhaps they're just better?

Spoke too soon, got bored of sprinkles is now helping me type. Very good at spacebar.

I can assure you not all parents are this boring.

imitationleather

I enjoyed teaching Chinese ones English but I could tell being responsible for them 24/7 would be a bit much. Especially now you're not even allowed to hit them.

king_tubby


Zero Gravitas

Quote from: checkoutgirl on August 06, 2022, 08:26:07 PMI can assure you not all parents are this boring.

I'm still cool, yesterday it was lamb, carrots AND broccoli!