Real life desolation

[holyzombiejesus]

Copied over from the Labour Party thread. Thought it might be worth starting a thread for real life examples of deso.

In The Observer this week, Matt Forde was talking about the best show he's seen at Edinburgh and he stated "It's the only show I'd give six stars to, and I've seen Oasis three times."

[holyzombiejesus]

Then, just read a Madness verbal history thing about their Finsbury Park gig and Suggs wrote this about Morrissey.

I liked him at the time because he was very amusing company. He'd do things like invite you round and then open the door and he'd have sunglasses on and waving a stick pretending to be blind. You never knew what was coming next.

[Buelligan]

[Video Game Fan 2000]

He'd do things like invite you round and then open the door and he'd have sunglasses on and waving a stick pretending to be blind.

cor just like Oscar Wilde

[Sebastian Cobb]

When I was out to lunch yesterday I was wandering through the disabled part of a car park overheard a bloke loudly tell his ~8 year old son "STAY THERE watch out she cannae FUCKIN' work a car" as a car was backing into a space.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

I say Bosie, look at this! [hobble hobble] can you guess what am I? I am cripple!

[imitationleather]

Morrissey clearly thinking, "Those Madness lads are very wacky... I know what they'd like!!"

[Pink Gregory]

Otherwise nice retired sergeant major that I share a worksite with (his a building, mine a shipping container) was putting a flag up a pole on his building while I was talking to him and he just casually goes, "Must be a female flag, won't do what it's told."

[Sebastian Cobb]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-62503840

Desolation because flattening lidos. I appreciate the boldness of yer man.

[MrMrs]

Yeesh

[Sebastian Cobb]

Yeesh

It's a city what sells land to build sky-scrapers with pools suspended between them. Britain hates poor people innovating. Bet someone grassed them too.

[The Mollusk]

I once overheard a woman speaking on her phone on the bus and she very audibly said "Anyway I've gotta go, I'm having a shit". Fuckin traffic noise and bell dinging and bus voice going "FORTY THREE TO PUTNEY BRIDGE" or whatever in the background.

[Buelligan]

Gosh that reminds me of something a man I knew once told me.  He was in his front room, closing the curtains on a cold wet night, when he glanced across the road to the phone box and noticed the woman in there, chatting on the phone, was also pissing.

[shiftwork2]

'Bleak snippets of overheard conversation', been away too long.

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

I once overheard a woman speaking on her phone on the bus and she very audibly said "Anyway I've gotta go, I'm having a shit". Fuckin traffic noise and bell dinging and bus voice going "FORTY THREE TO PUTNEY BRIDGE" or whatever in the background.

forty three to putney bridge is just cockney slang for bangin shit

[walktothewater]

Being a shite columnist on a Murdoch rag and getting shacked up with a past-his-best New Labour MP, sticking with him during his various booze-fuelled encounters with the forces of law and order and reality, and then finding out he was a real actual wrong 'un on top of the other wrong, but forgivable, stuff. 

Yeah, whenever I'm going through a bad day, I comfort myself by reminding myself that at least I'm not ***** *****.

[flotemysost]

I know someone whose first, and then subsequently second and third gigs (as a child, accompanied by parents) were all Gary Glitter.

[Ferris]

Some bloke gave me some aggro in the parking lot tonight after under 5s soccer because my boy fucking mugged off his shitty kid, and I didn't immediately respond to "how's it going" while we got into respective vehicles.

His kid also pissed themselves and my son pointed it out which was very funny but unhelpful. Total cunt (the dad, not the sprog who was largely blameless and uninterested in soccer on a Thursday which is fair enough).

[Ferris]

Like what are we gonna do mate? Fistfight in front of a load of children because my boy got a hat trick and yours fell over, and I don't want to be your pal?

Wanker.

(Again, the dad not the prepubescent child).

[bgmnts]

I think just the current state of affairs is pure deso right now.

[Sebastian Cobb]

One of my mates used to work the night shift at a casino while we all worked day jobs, and he'd get day drunk and he'd sleep in the park or a shed in the decomissioned school opposite [the pub we used to drink in]

[gib]

It's a city what sells land to build sky-scrapers with pools suspended between them. Britain hates poor people innovating. Bet someone grassed them too.

how posh are these shrubs if they refuse to take up water that's been tipped out of a pleb pool

[The Mollusk]

One of my mates used to work the night shift at a casino while we all worked day jobs, and he'd get day drunk and he'd sleep in the park or a shed in the decomissioned school opposite [the pub we used to drink in]

I used to live with a guy who worked nights for DHL and on the morning of his first day off after a shift pattern he'd come home and celebrate by smoking ungodly weaponised spliffs, railing lines of coke and watching all the drab morning pish on the telly like Bargain Hunt or whatever was on Challenge. He was a stupid nasty cunt and sometimes I'd walk past the living room on my way out to work and look at the back of his head and fantasise about smashing it in.

[oggyraiding]

I had a group induction for a retail job a few years back. Horrible ice breaking exercise, "say something interesting about yourself". Pretty pedestrian stuff, "I was a scout leader", "I'm studying x degree", "I'm a big [footy team] fan", etc. But the woman running the session, her interesting thing is that she has a fine china tea set, and every morning she wakes up early, to set the table in the garden as if having a tea party, and then at night she polishes it all and packs it all away until the next morning. She said she does this every day, but that she has never used the stuff in an actual tea party with human beings and food and drink. Maybe I'm cynical and that's a cute quirky thing to do, but something about it seemed really bleak. Daily phantom tea party.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I used to live with a guy who worked nights for DHL and on the morning of his first day off after a shift pattern he'd come home and celebrate by smoking ungodly weaponised spliffs, railing lines of coke and watching all the drab morning pish on the telly like Bargain Hunt or whatever was on Challenge. He was a stupid nasty cunt and sometimes I'd walk past the living room on my way out to work and look at the back of his head and fantasise about smashing it in.

This guy wasn't a cunt. Just a bit of a rougue. Had a bit of a gambling problem but still lived with parents so could smash his wages and not starve. I once met him when he'd been paid and he showed me 3 roulette machine tickets totalling £1700 in deposits. His whole monthly wage :(

He did tell me one time he slept in the long grass in the park and when he woke up he sat bolt upright and scared the living shit out of a woman reading a book on a nearby bench, who hadn't spotted him. Just a guy appearing from nowhere in her peripheral.

[The Mollusk]

Yeah, that is bleak.

I used to post a lot of overheard convos on Facebook so I did a search for "overheard" on my account and turned up this gem:

"Wasn't she like the manager of a Krispy Kreme last year?"

"Yeah and now she's just working in a fuckin call centre. But what do you expect? She's a whore."

[Dex Sawash]

I used to live with a guy who worked nights for DHL and on the morning of his first day off after a shift pattern he'd come home and celebrate by smoking ungodly weaponised spliffs, railing lines of coke and watching all the drab morning pish on the telly like Bargain Hunt or whatever was on Challenge.

It is possible he's cracked the code

[neveragain]

Mum, to Little Girl: What do you want, what do you actually want?
Little Girl, quietly: Hold hand.
Mum, conclusively: Do you want some cake?

[Brundle-Fly]

When I was at primary school, me and a mate in our final year, were fascinated by this new kid who'd just arrived. He was about six years old and was such a funny, eccentric little chap. He was like a pint sized Frank Spencer who would often keep us entertained at break times with his tomfoolery and Father Dougal-esque takes on the world. A year later my friend and I went off to secondary school and we never saw our playground court jester again.

Cut to forty thirty five years later.

My mate, who still lives in my hometown, sends me a cutting from the paper with a story about our former pal. "Local man sentenced this week for sexual offences against minors going back years." An accompanying mugshot of this stony-faced Levi Bellfield look-a-like.

[xxxx xxx x xxx]

Mum to crying toddler : "What's wrong with you now, you little spaz?"