Salman Rushdie attacked

[Nowhere Man]

My name is Salman Rushdie
And I have a lot to say,
But some people do not like it
And they say that I should pay

But I don't really mind it
If I get some dirty looks,
For even if somebody stabs me
People are gonna read my books.

[walktothewater]

Like most people on here I'm a leftie, but the articles in the Spectator recently are basically correct.

If a right wing twat like Douglas Murray is talking more sense ON THIS ISSUE than most politicians, then we're in trouble as a civilisation.

There is no whataboutery about this -  the attacker was from the same extremist Islamism that influenced the murders of the Charlie Hebo cartoonists, and the murderers of van Gogh, and the individual who decapitated a priest in France, and so on. 

It's an attack on literature, on freedom, on civilisation, and anyone who can't see that is basically a cunt.

That's my serious considered reaction. Back to the humour and pisstaking now. Also, the founder of Islam is a paedophile. Also, the main branch of the Christian religion, the Roman Catholic Church, is largely based on facilitating and perpretating child abuse and large scale money laundering.

[JamesTC]

He should have appeared on Only Fools and Horses and then Del Boy could have said "cushty Rushdie".

[walktothewater]

This was actually all a plot cooked up by Rushdie to get out of his Hadley Freeman interview. Unfortunately, it's hard to find a guy who's good at both timekeeping and stabbing you in the neck on a reasonable budget. Ended up with the worst of both worlds, the poor fucker.

Having carefully considered the matter, I personally would definitely fake my own death to escape the slow torture of being interviewed by Hadley Freeman. I'm not sure if I'd go to the extremes of stabbing myself, but I'll cross that bridge when and if I come to it.

[Buelligan]

Like most people on here I'm a leftie, but the articles in the Spectator recently are basically correct.

If a right wing twat like Douglas Murray is talking more sense ON THIS ISSUE than most politicians, then we're in trouble as a civilisation.

There is no whataboutery about this -  the attacker was from the same extremist Islamism that influenced the murders of the Charlie Hebo cartoonists, and the murderers of van Gogh, and the individual who decapitated a priest in France, and so on. 

It's an attack on literature, on freedom, on civilisation, and anyone who can't see that is basically a cunt.

That's my serious considered reaction. Back to the humour and pisstaking now. Also, the founder of Islam is a paedophile. Also, the main branch of the Christian religion, the Roman Catholic Church, is largely based on facilitating and perpretating child abuse and large scale money laundering.

Why are you reading The Spectator?  Is it because you recognise literature, freedom and civilisation are fucked and you might as well give up, as a self-identified leftie, abandon all hope, enjoy filling your own head with deranged right-wing talking points?  Just for the sheer fun of it.

[Attila]

All I can think when reading this story is, I wonder if you get stabbed nearly to death before receiving surgery and being ventilised, when you regain consciousness in an American hospital how large of a bill they immediately slap you with?

You're not the only one. My thoughts went there as well. (Victims of the terrible shootings and stuff over there not only face that horror, but then get slapped with all the medical bills).

[The Bumlord]

Off the vent and talking so it looks like Mr Stabby has failed.

Does the fatwa now do a rollover?

[JamesTC]

What a big fat(wa) loser the attacker is. Can't even murder a 75 year old. No virgins for him!

[Joe Qunt]

I've read a few of Rushdie's books, enjoyed them all. Very happy to hear he's alive, if not well. Bit fecking late '80s trying to stab the cunt now?

[idunnosomename]

All nostalgia innit

[imitationleather]

Hopefully this means we'll also see the return of that other much-loved slice of popular culture from 1988, acid house.

[katzenjammer]

Piss poor security at the venue; remarkable given the theme of the meeting. Also, Rushdie really shouldn't have ditched his bodyguards a few years back.

This is a bit victim blamey isn't it?

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

" The Spectator" has good cartoons, to be fair.

[Indomitable Spirit]

Fatwa? More like fat twat... look at the size of this cunt!

[Buelligan]

Hopefully this means we'll also see the return of that other much-loved slice of popular culture from 1988, acid house.

I'm still enjoying the flashbacks.

[flotemysost]

I can't help but wonder if this is providing yer standard racist Islamophobes with a bit of a conundrum given that Rushdie is an Indian-born brown-skinned Muslim himself, which probably makes it a bit harder to go down the "BAN ALL MUSLIMS TO SAVE ARE BRAVE BOYS BOOKER PRIZE WINNERS" route.

[idunnosomename]

Fatwa? More like fat twat... look at the size of this cunt!

please. A man has not died

[madhair60]

more like a man has not diet

[idunnosomename]

Wonder what name he posts on here as

[dontpaintyourteeth]

.

[The Pink Chunk Jazz Band]

"Yes, Jon, I did eat all your lasagne. What are you gonna do, stab me?"

[solidified gruel merchant]

For my money The Satanic Verses comes a disappointing third in the list of late 80's naughty books, pipped by Spycatcher and that porny Madonna one.

[Gurke and Hare]

I don't know how you can all be so light-hearted when JK Rowling has been the victim of such a horrific assault.

[Psybro]

I can't help but wonder if this is providing yer standard racist Islamophobes with a bit of a conundrum given that Rushdie is an Indian-born brown-skinned Muslim himself, which probably makes it a bit harder to go down the "BAN ALL MUSLIMS TO SAVE ARE BRAVE BOYS BOOKER PRIZE WINNERS" route.

He never done Islam, he only said he done it so they'd take his cock oot the bacon slicer.

[flotemysost]

Yeah I didn't think he necessarily identified as religious, I meant more "from a Muslim cultural background" (which is true AFAIK).

[idunnosomename]

"Yes, Jon, I did eat all your lasagne. What are you gonna do, stab me?"

Rushdie hates Fridays

[Zero Gravitas]

BBC with what they think is a damning headline:

Sir Salman Rushdie attack suspect 'only read two pages' of Satanic Verses

The first two pages of consisting mostly of Gibreel's stylised stream of consciousness singing and dense similes, so that's more than reasonable to me.

[Paul Calf]

I read the first chapter.

I can't say that it made me want to kill Rushdie, but I see his point.

[Bennett Brauer]

... I'm certainly in no "rush" for him to "die"!

You don't want him to rush die, surely?

Latest CaB Meet "a puntastic success" say newbies.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

BBC with what they think is a damning headline:

Sir Salman Rushdie attack suspect 'only read two pages' of Satanic Verses

The first two pages of consisting mostly of Gibreel's stylised stream of consciousness singing and dense similes, so that's more than reasonable to me.

Epic queen owns Salman Rushdie suspect by giving him a book for Christmas