high and low status wanks

[madhair60]

wank on toilet = low status

wank in bed = high status?

wank in shower = high status imo

where is good for a wank, where is frowned upon, basically.

[Mister Six]

Wanked in the office while working overnight once. I was the only one there, and I made sure I wasn't visible to the security cameras. The office was quite grotty though.

[madhair60]

low status imo. very grim

[Zero Gravitas]

What if the toilet is a japanese robot toilet in the process of giving you a rinse down?

[ImmaculateClump]

Princess Peach's still-warm pink silky knickers = posh wank

Trying to bring yourself off between two goomba heads = hard times

"Stay still lads, I'll not be a minute". The vision of their inquisitive eyes looking up at you through spunk matted angry eyebrows puts you into a deep depression for the rest of the week.

edit: Oh, shit. Sorry everyone, thought this was HS art.
Ahem!

[The Mollusk]

Hand of a mannequin: classy

Hand of a man of kin: less classy

Hand of Dr Quinn: ultimate class

[buttgammon]

Sofa: v. high status

But if you do it surreptitiously while your family are watching Gogglebox, then it's the lowest of the low.

Bath: high status*

*only if there is a shower head in the vicinity

[madhair60]

What if the toilet is a japanese robot toilet in the process of giving you a rinse down?

game-changer tbh.

[kalowski]

I have a mate (I promise, a mate) who has a couple of entries for this.
1. The service lift of a Comet warehouse.
2. Whilst driving his Nissan Cherry.

I will let him know the class status of these wanks when confirmed.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Wank with condom on = Posh wank

[Sex Wax]

The bogs of the dining hall at Brasenose College on an Oxford open day - high status
A patch of waste ground outside a seaman's mission in Oakland, California - low status
I was a horrible teenager.

[checkoutgirl]

Highest possible status-
That toilet on Richard Branson's island. You walk in through a normal wall but the opposite wall doesn't exist. It's a few storeys up and overhangs the side of an island so you have to swim out a few hundred meters into the sea to see in but it's so far you won't see much. Wanking out that open side would cost a private island price tag, this is the highest status.

[checkoutgirl]

Lowest possible status-
For some reason you have to sleep in the same bed as your mother. She's asleep and you have a crafty wank looking at a magazine, the most titillating thing amongst it being a depiction of the cartoon rabbit used to promote the Cadburys Caramel chocolate bar.

[Zero Gravitas]

Sounds like you really needed to let that one out.

AAAAAND THE WANKING ANECDOTE!!!!!

[badaids]

At least use the lingo coined by the real Status and call it havin' a polish.

[Alberon]

Lowest possible status-
For some reason you have to sleep in the same bed as your mother. She's asleep and you have a crafty wank looking at a magazine, the most titillating thing amongst it being a depiction of the cartoon rabbit used to promote the Cadburys Caramel chocolate bar.

But she still manages to leave a cup of tea on the table next to your side of the bed.

[Midas]

Lowest possible status-
For some reason you have to sleep in the same bed as your mother. She's asleep and you have a crafty wank looking at a magazine, the most titillating thing amongst it being a depiction of the cartoon rabbit used to promote the Cadburys Caramel chocolate bar.

You are Gregg Wallace and I claim my five pounds

[ImmaculateClump]

She wakes up, looks at the magazine and thinks you're bashing one out to the creepy airbrush face boy in the kinder chocolate advert on the opposite page.

[The Crumb]

High status: You're the proud owner of your first device with unfiltered internet access.

Low: Family PC in a communal space

Rock Bottom: As above, but it's not your family home

[DeezNuts]

A friend of mine (DEFINETLY NOT ME), has wanked in a few different and questionable places. These include -

- School Bathroom
- Hospital Bathroom
- Front seat of a Car (While alone in a Parking Lot)
- Back seat of a Car (While driving with 3 different people and a Dog in the Car)

[Jerrykeshton]

I have a mate (I promise, a mate) who has a couple of entries for this.
1. The service lift of a Comet warehouse.
2. Whilst driving his Nissan Cherry.

I will let him know the class status of these wanks when confirmed.

I went to school/college with a mate of mine who had a wank in the following:

A German lesson (girl hit his cock with an umbrella)
A maths lesson
A bus
At college in the hostel room 8,16 year old blokes were sleeping in our geography field trip.

Personally, in a strip club/porn cinema.
In a hotel bathroom. Also administered a fingering while driving on the M6

[imitationleather]

Wank with condom on = Posh wank

I refuse to believe anyone has ever really done this because it would be rubbish.

[imitationleather]

I went to school/college with a mate of mine who had a wank in the following:

A German lesson (girl hit his cock with an umbrella)
A maths lesson
A bus
At college in the hostel room 8,16 year old blokes were sleeping in our geography field trip.

I assume he's in prison now?

[Jerrykeshton]

I assume he's in prison now?

Maybe, not seen him in about 10 years.  It was a 90s comp. People weren't as bothered. For example, On a school trip to Germany as 14 year olds, the head of year (female) called one of the girls a filthy slag.

[buttgammon]

A kid had a wank in the back of a chemistry class when I was in school. A few of us knew what he was doing (he proudly admitted it to me) but I don't remember him getting in trouble. I think he's in the military now.

[Campbell Soupe]

At least use the lingo coined by the real Status and call it havin' a polish.

Would havin' a polish alongside Rossi and co be considered high or low status? I suppose there would have been the rock n roll factor... But the aftermath - witnessing Parfitt mopping up his spooge, would have been particularly grim.

[Lord Mandrake]

A midnight special on a rocky outcrop.

[The Crumb]

Low:hyperbaric living quarters used by saturation divers on the job. Not only for the lack of space and privacy privacy, but also because the very high atmospheric pressure actually forces your muck deep back down your ducts, where it lodges and rots, potentially requiring surgical intervention.

[Mr Vegetables]

A patch of waste ground outside a seaman's mission

That's the status of all the wanks, in the end

[poo]

I was masturbated by a cook via a modified crutch while hiding in a shipping container during a rocket attack by the Taliban.