Work shitting

[bgmnts]

Shitting in the office is beautiful isn't it? Not even 9 yet and I'm on my third shit, two of them in the office.

What can they do? Sack you for moving your bowels? Get fucked.

Being paid to shit. Beautiful.

[Mobius]

I got a note from my doctor that I have ulcerative colitis so I am literally allowed to just shit all day and no one can even say anything because disability mate

[Joe Qunt]

Three shits before nine? Is something wrong with you?

[imitationleather]

Three shits before nine? Is something wrong with you?

You never read any of his posts before eh?

[Joe Qunt]

You never read any of his posts before eh?

Big mints right?

[monkfromhavana]

Shitting in the office is beautiful isn't it? Not even 9 yet and I'm on my third shit, two of them in the office.

What can they do? Sack you for moving your bowels? Get fucked.

Being paid to shit. Beautiful.

A mate of mine got sacked for shitting at work (in the toilet). This is in the land of EFL teaching though, so the threshold for sacking/quitting is quite low.

[Fambo Number Mive]

A mate of mine got sacked for shitting at work (in the toilet). This is in the land of EFL teaching though, so the threshold for sacking/quitting is quite low.

Sacked for shitting in the toilets at work? What did they expect them to do in them?

[bgmnts]

Three shits before nine? Is something wrong with you?

Probably but who cares work shitting is boss.

[Joe Qunt]

I'm just concerned for your anal health that's all. It was my understanding that a shit a day keeps the doctor away is normal?

[Bennett Brauer]

Three shits before nine? Is something wrong with you?

Maybe I've misremembered but I thought bgmnts was working as a dog-walker now. Three sympathy shits before 9am would make sense in that case - same principle as the England Women's football team all getting their period at the same time by the end of the tournament. I may have misremembered that as well.

[bgmnts]

Office now Bennet. Shitting my way to success.

[touchingcloth]

I got a note from my doctor that I have ulcerative colitis

That wasn't a diagnosis, it was an insult.

[Butchers Blind]

Always enjoy a nice relaxing shit on work time, even use the disabled toilet for added luxury.

[Paul Calf]

...deserves a quiet shite...

[Sherringford Hovis]

Shitting oneself on the job is so common at my workplace, tradition dictates that the woebegone shittee buys their amused yet horrified colleagues a round of posh coffees/hot chocolates (or in deference to the balmy weather, a small slab of pop or Cornettos) on the way home.

I purchased a box of appropriate Cherry Pepsi only a few days ago (turned out a surfeit of beetroot was the cause of my flamboyant faecal faux-pas rather than any more seriously sanguinated stoolage, St Florian be praised).

I always try to have a shit somewhere other than home. It's the arse version of beer tasting better in the pub rather than out of your own fridge.

[Sherringford Hovis]

* double post diarrhoea

[Sebastian Cobb]

During covid they did up our bogs by fixing all the knackered lights and painting everything bright white. I didn't realise it until they did it that I'd typically gravitate to the cubicle that was under a bust light and dingy, more tranquil.

[Replies From View]

A shit at work also saves you wasting your own toilet paper.

Work toilet paper = using

Home toilet paper = wasting

[Replies From View]

During covid they did up our bogs by fixing all the knackered lights and painting everything bright white.

New management I'll suspect.  No more 'find your veins and win some wines' contests.

[Kankurette]

I have IBS. Like Gary Lineker, I shit where I want.

I'm just glad I no longer work in the solicitors' office with the dodgy Victorian plumbing and the boss who blocked the toilet with his massive shits. One time our bog was out of commission and I was so desperate for a slash I had to leg it to a nearby bar and use the bog there.

[Sebastian Cobb]

A shit at work also saves you wasting your own toilet paper.

Work toilet paper = using

Home toilet paper = wasting

You can get bum gun kits (shataff) for about a tenner on ebay, just requires connecting a T-splitter on the feed to the cistern.

[The Crumb]

Shitting oneself on the job is so common at my workplace, tradition dictates that the woebegone shittee buys their amused yet horrified colleagues a round of posh coffees/hot chocolates (or in deference to the balmy weather, a small slab of pop or Cornettos) on the way home.

I purchased a box of appropriate Cherry Pepsi only a few days ago (turned out a surfeit of beetroot was the cause of my flamboyant faecal faux-pas rather than any more seriously sanguinated stoolage, St Florian be praised).

Are you a working horse?

[Replies From View]

You can get bum gun kits (shataff) for about a tenner on ebay, just requires connecting a T-splitter on the feed to the cistern.

I know, but not everybody has a tenner to burn.

Funny how only ten years ago people were spending the exact same money on shit-cuums (vacuum cleaners for shit) to speed up the collection process.  Now they are using guns to fire it back out!  What comes round turns around, as they say!

[Sebastian Cobb]

I know, but not everybody has a tenner to burn.

You've got to think of the long-game though, let's use the cheapest Andrex as a baseline, it works out 49p a roll, so the break-even point of a shataff is about 20 rolls worth at best but poorer people will likely buying smaller packs with a higher cost-per-roll. Not to mention the fact you'll never run out and get caught-short.

[Replies From View]

Workshitting deserves a quiet shite
The toiletpape on the holder, placed there days ago
Turned around backwards so it's wrong way round
Every lightbulb reveals the bogroll in reverse
Still, I'm able to reach it
I forgot my phone back at my desk
And have to focus only on the task at hand

Workshitting deserves a quiet shite
I'm not sure all these people understand
It's not like years ago
The fear of getting caught
Without a space to empty out 
They cannot see me naked
These things, they go away
Replaced by everyday

Workshitting, remembering that shite
5pm's coming soon
I'm pining for a poo
And what if there were two
Side by side in orbit
Descending down the pan?
Your boss, watch-checking by the door
Could not describe workshitting

You, I thought I knew you
You I cannot judge
You, I thought you knew me
This one laughing quietly underneath my breath
Workshitting

The toiletpape reversed, every lightbulb a reminder
Workshitting deserves a quiet shite, deserves a quiet shite

[idunnosomename]

I'm posting this from my toilet and have paused my client's clock because I'd be racked with guilt if i didnt and it would ruin the experience

[Pink Gregory]

Being mobile, I have no throne to call my own so I am reduced to sharing my ablution solutions with members of the public. 

Think I was so traumatised by a Tesco toilet stuffed to the brim with bangers n mash with a weak flush that simply stirred up and circulated the piss, turds and bumwad that I've now restricted myself to services, the one in Warwick, and the one in Barry that feels like a prison toilet.

Consequently, I'm quite uptight and uncomfortable a lot of the time.

[dontpaintyourteeth]

used to work with some cunt who worked in the evenings and would always leave a big shit stain in the toilet but like, at the front of the pan? every morning when you'd unlock the building it would be there. always suspected that he sat facing the wall on it. that shitting prick

[Replies From View]

I actually feel quite comforted when I shit into a supermarket toilet that I realise upon flushing was blocked before I started using it.  There's something fulfilling about seeing the water rise up to the seat level and stay there, and being able to just walk off knowing that it wasn't actually your fault but you added to it.

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

Boss makes a dollar, i make a dime
Thats why I shit on company time

- Tennyson, probably