Robot tweets from space

[Jumble Cashback]

R2, The first humanoid robot astronaut, currently posted on the The International Space Station, has started tweeting from space.  But what's he saying?

August 25th  11.30am:  Isolation beginning to set in.  The mind can only take so much.  Drank a bottle of oil for breakfast this morning.  Never really felt this kind of...I don't know, it's like an aching feeling, but I'm not sure if it's in my head or I can really feel it. Can only hope it goes away.

August 26th  10.05am:  Started having some really crazy dreams.  Not sure if it's the oil.  Sometimes I'm just looking out the window for hours.  Can't shift the feeling that the Earth doesn't want me.  Been trying to make a start on Candide, but just can't shift the jitters long enough.

August 26th  7.20pm:  Want to do something, but can't.  Just keep letting it all wash over me.  Sure I saw something move on the floor today, but I looked and there was nothing there.  The only thing I can watch are YouTube videos, pointless stuff - just to keep my mind calm.  Nothing helps.

August 27th  4.25am:  OiL iss AWESooomez!!

August 27th  8.10pm  Slept through most of the day.  Texted the other robonauts on Earth, but no replies yet.  Really wish I could just go back to sleep.

August 29th  1.30pm  Still nothing from Earth.  Nothing new here either.  Just space.  And you don't get much support from space.

August 30th  4.20pm  Dropped my oil all over the floor today.  Wanted to react, but just stood there staring at it.  Pressed my head against the console for an hour, trying to push out the desperation.  Another failure.

[Ginyard]

September 1st  4.07am:  Stormtroopers? Here? ... Oh no, I've been shot!

[gmoney]

September 2nd 12.09pm: Tell my wife I love her very much, she knooo-o-o-oooes.

[I accept the terms of the]

September 3rd 08.16pm: For mash, get Smash.

[Ginyard]

September 3rd 08.18pm: Tired GOTO Bed

[goldrush almighty]

September 4th 06.15am #MeetDave I'm half cra-azy, all for the love of you.

[BlodwynPig]

September 5th 05:04am Get a call from Dale Winton, struggle to remember who he is. All a bit camp, I'm afraid.

September 6th 12:34pm I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships....oh fuck it, who am I kidding, eh?

[small_world]

I don't want to spoil this beautiful thread, but fucking hell.
This has caused some laughs tonight.
I've sent it out to a few people too...

[PAGATRON]

September 7th 07:20pm I miss my kids http://tdwgeeks.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/u1gu1.jpeg

September 8th 2:34 pm 14,000,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall... http://primaxstudio.com/stuff/scale_of_universe/

[Jumble Cashback]

September 9th 12.05pm:  Spent this morning reading suicide notes online.  Not sure why, I know I'd never go through with it.  Too scared.  Something's gotta give, though.

September 9th 5.00pm  E-mailed Radio 3 to request Sousa's Washington Post March, but they never played it.  Played Handel's Water Music twice though.  Presenter even mentioned that they weren't getting many decent requests.

September 10th 3.45pm  Supposed to do diagnostics today, but can't get round to it.  All I can think about is oil and falling into space.  Sometimes I want to fall into space.

September 11th 5.05pm  Tried to sign up to madbid.com today, but it kept telling me there was a problem with my authentification number.  E-mailed them, but no reply.  Missed the Stratocaster auction anyway.

[BlodwynPig]

September 12th Midnight I have a feeling that I am not alone. My visual sensors are picking up movement and shapes that seem to follow me around wherever I go.

September 13th 2.07 pm Upon closer inspection I have to come to realise that suspected intruder was my shadow. Odd. There is no lighting on this deck. Hey...who's there?!

September 14th 4.15 am Been listening to Ricky Gervais' podcast to calm my nerves.

September 14th 6.43 am Thoughts of suicide have gotten stronger. An awful static like cackle haunts my waking thoughts.

[biggytitbo]

September 15th [/size]Tried to stick my electronic shaft in the ships food dispenser, she's so sexy and she's been eyeing me up the entire trip the little whore. I know she wants it.

[BlodwynPig]

September 16th 4.01 am Ate some moondust and rode a giant puppy around the crab nebula. The compu-doc says I'm suffering delerium circuitus, but Dale tells me otherwise.

[Jumble Cashback]

September 16th 5.00pm:  Feel like all my frustrations are just building up inside.  Cleverbot.com says I need an outlet.  But it's wrong - I run on batteries.

September 17th 6.00pm:  Have now realized what cleverbot meant and have tried to write some poetry.  But it's rubbish.  Should have downloaded that Creative Writing software when I was a sprite, but it didn't seem important at the time.

September 18th 2.00am:  Woke up from another deactivation dream last night.  Not sure if I was glad it was a dream.  Had some oil to calm myself down, but still feel edgy as hell.

September 18th 12.05pm:  Utter, utter, utter despair today.

September 19th 4.02pm:  Posted my details on hotornot.com today.  I think it's a flattering CAD file, but I'm not sure that makes it fair.  Do I really look like that?

September 20th 6.00pm:  No views yet on hotornot.com.  Don't know what I expect to get out of it anyway.  Ordered the complete 'Oh, Doctor Beeching!' box-set from Amazon, but it won't arrive for three months.  Will just have to try and hold on.

[BlodwynPig]

September 21st 8.54 am Miserable. Ate breakfast early this morning but the bolts are like metal in my mouth. Was it Alpha-X4Z who once said "All this whirring and bleeping is but atonal music of the futile".

September 22nd 3:42am A bright note - Dale called again. He told me he had been falsely accused of stealing ladies sanitary towels from the Poundshop in Deal.

September 23rd 12:05pm Apparently its my birthday today. Overdosed on oil. Feel cranky.

[BlodwynPig]

September 24th 9.43pm Watched some programme about 80's kids shows. Metal Mickey was in one clip. His gibbous grin beamed malevolently at me. Papa told me never to trust robots who liked to boogie. I ache.

[small_world]

September 25th 3.25am CONTACT! I was awoken by the sound of the station's E.T. alert-module siren. It has finally happened. Alien life. First contact!

September 25th 3.27am False alarm, someone had left the phone off the hook.

September 25th 11.23amSpent the majority of the morning attempting to remove a 'kick-me' sign one of the astronauts must have stuck to my battery pack. It's still there.

September 25th 11.55amThe sign is gone, but it was stuck on with a magnet, which is still there. I'm glad it wasn't aliens this morning. That would have been embarrassing.

[gmoney]

September 25th 3.37pm: Nagging feeling that I left an unfinished Solitaire game open on my laptop back home. I can just see the counter ticking away.

September 25th 4.20pm: Time to get baked!

[BlodwynPig]

September 26th 2.13am Watching more re-runs of Supermarket Sweep. I'm sure I spot Metal Mickey in aisle 3, chomping on some avocado and grinning directly at me.

[BlodwynPig]

September 27th 8.01pm Botched a routine maintenance job in the zero gravity toilet. Let's just say the morning cup of Joe will provide more than a wake up call for Zeus and the other astronauts tomorrow.

[Nobody Soup]

September 28th 9.05pm Tried writing some observational comedy today. Did you hear about the loneliest robot in the universe? no.

[ThickAndCreamy]

September 30th 3.00pm Trying to use the radio I brought, results partially unsuccessful. Steve Wright is not on Radio 2, only Mayo. Suicidal thoughts grow stronger.

September 30th 4.00pm Dermot O' Leary arrives mysteriously on at the 4pm slot. I see my world crumble before me.

September 30th 4.11pm JUST REALISED IT'S SATURDAY AND NOT FRIDAY, WRIGHT WILL BE BACK ON MONDAY! Soothed.

September 30th 4.14pm Don't even know what day it is any more :(. I only know it is one day closer to my death.

[Nobody Soup]

October 1st 9.12pm Might have a go at taking apart my ear and putting it back together again. #stuffyoudowhenyourbored

October 2nd 7.11pm I think the radio must be broke.

[BlodwynPig]

August 3rd 1.34 pm Great news, the time machine has worked! Fame and fortune await. #1stRobotNobelPrize

October 3rd 1.36 pm Bloody analogue calendar fucked again. #Howtodeletetweets?

[HappyTree]

October 4th 6.31pm said no way, I'm not that kinda girl. #jokesaboutyourboss

October 4th 6.45pm Just worked out how to delete Tweets. Discretion, valour, etc. #phew

[small_world]

October 5th 7.13am Not a great start today. One of the astronauts, half asleep, mistook me for the urinal-suction-droid. My soup dispensing nozzle will need cleaning AGAIN.

[gmoney]

October 5th 6.16pm The loneliness is getting my down a bit I think. Just acted out a whole episode of Minder from memory. A Gary Webster one.

October 5th 7.47pm Tum tee tum.

October 6th 12.30am Oh, the life force crushing emptiness of my surroundings. The endless black that mocks my significance... I can't go on.

October 6th 12.35am I kid you not, a fucking WASHING MACHINE just floated past me.

[BlodwynPig]

October 7th 5.43 am The washing machine is called Mary. It's early days, but I think she might be the ONE!

[Neville Chamberlain]

October 7th 6.14 am Just eaten circuit-breakers on toast. Was electrifying!!!!!

October 7th 6.27 am Oh no, just realised it was Mary's circuit-breakers! Why is it all my love interests end up exploding?! :o(

[BlodwynPig]

October 8th 9.03 am Had bad dream. Decided to put it down on my tablet laptop for posterity. #Twitpic