Pandering to newbies

[Neil]

We should do a new version of one of those surveys users have to fill out, so that new (and even established posters) can introduce themselves to the site. Want to suggest some categories? 

Name, top three records/books/songs/films, where'd you find out about us, etc. Anything more interesting to ask?

[CaledonianGonzo]

Whether or not they have phimosis?

[Neville Chamberlain]

Can you recite the entire Dr Johnson Blackadder episode by heart? (I can, almost!)

[George Oscar Bluth II]

Please outline your preferred arse wiping technique in less than 100 words in the space provided:

[Johnny Townmouse]

What are your favourite LOL memes?

Did Jack Ripper really land on the moon causing 9/11?

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

Do you like The Goodies?

[non capisco]

Goofy: dog or upright walking cow motherfucker?

[Nobody Soup]

I found this site 2 days ago looking for rips of daniel kitson performances, and the link was from cookd and bombd, and having downloaded blue jam from here like 9 years ago I thought, "lol, they have a forum, bet that's popular."

but on closer inspection, it turned out to be moderately so, certainly not barren enough to warrant my previous sarcastic thoughts. and I have a council job. it was more when than if.

gainsburg,cave,walker/metamorphosis,never let me go,portnoy's complaint/aformentioned anecdote/can't remember films/no,no,no,no, no and no as you would probably guess if you were being sensible.

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

When compelled to express mirthful appreciation of another poster's comment, do you prefer the grudging yet respectful "heh" or the more expressive "Jiminy Fuck-bollocks, that made I laugh!!!!!"

[ziggy starbucks]

Whether or not they have phimosis?

rhetorical question, surely?

[CaledonianGonzo]

I found this site 2 days ago looking for rips of daniel kitson performances, and the link was from cookd and bombd, and having downloaded blue jam from here like 9 years ago I thought, "lol, they have a forum, bet that's popular."

I'm going to set up a rival Daniel Kitson fan forum to poach all of Neil's posters.

It'll have none of this Karma bullshit and all the avatars will be of John LaZar.

[mook]

Goofy: dog or upright walking cow looking motherfucker?

[CaledonianGonzo]

rhetorical question, surely?

If they answer 'No', then we know it'll be [banned troll] with his big cobra-headed willie.  It's the perfect filter.

[Nobody Soup]

When compelled to express mirthful appreciation of another poster's comment, do you prefer the grudging yet respectful "heh" or the more expressive "Jiminy Fuck-bollocks, that made I laugh!!!!!"

a private sulk where I lament myself for not thinking of it and then ruing my inability to misuse time travel.

or 'lol' but on only in circumstances where appreciating the comment would directly annoy the person the comment was aimed at.

ACTUALLY, probably this karma system thing. seriously, it's not that bad...

[Dusty Gozongas]

Here. Have a monkey.



_{it won't catch on.}

[CaledonianGonzo]

Especially because that's an ape.

[Neil]

Think you'll catch me out that easily, you fuck-spittled, soft-boned, baby-cocked, Mary Whitehouse Experience-worshipping, Stewart 'crisps' Lee-fellating, chinless 'lol paedo' bastard CUNT-TURDS?  Think on. 

I'm leaving this piss-happy dogs-vomit of a 90's comedy-loving excuse for an online utopia forever, and you will ALL rue the day you tried to catch me out with invasive surveys about my strapping, hairy and fucking comfortably-foreskinned cheese-gun.

C U N T S!

Edit: wrong log-in. Please ignore.

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

a private sulk where I lament myself for not thinking of it and then ruing my inability to misuse time travel.

or 'lol' but on only in circumstances where appreciating the comment would directly annoy the person the comment was aimed at.

Good-oh, you'll fit right in.[nb]NB: I have just used this site's yearly one-off quota of the term "good-oh". Any subsequent usage will result in an immediate ban. Please take note.[/nb]

[Nobody Soup]

yeah, I'm quite a positive chap, I'm quite sarcastic too but I get the impression the former is going to be where the niche market is here.

I like the monkey!

[mook]

I like the monkey!

you've already told once ffs, it's not a monkey.

[CaledonianGonzo]

C U N T S!

Good-oh, you'll fit right in.[Nb]Fuck you, Berkley - you don't get dibs on the Good-oh[/nb]

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

[Nb]Fuck you, Berkley - you don't get dibs on the Good-oh[/nb]

Neil, ban this flagrant rule-breaker!

Goddamn longhairs.

[CaledonianGonzo]

[tag]CaledonianGonzo mentions the Good-ohs[/tag]

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

Speaking of hair, another essential question for newbs is: Are you follically threadbare? If so, take it up with Biggy and Shoulders.[nb]And, slowly but surely, Berkley, it has to be said. But take it up with Biggy and Shoulders mainly. I'm too busy styling a semi-convincing combover.[/nb]

[biggytitbo]

Ha ha baldy.

[Nobody Soup]

nah, it's lusterous as a silverback mountain monkey, I'm afraid.

I did have cancer though so I was briefly when I was 12. a prize to anyone that can guess the type of cancer.

[CaledonianGonzo]

Leukemia?


^{(uh....that's cancer of the foreskin, right?)}

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

Ha ha baldy.

I've got more hair than you. Baldy.

[biggytitbo]

nah, it's lusterous as a silverback mountain monkey, I'm afraid.

I did have cancer though so I was briefly when I was 12. a prize to anyone that can guess the type of cancer.

Hair cancer?

[biggytitbo]

I've got more hair than you. Baldy.

Not on your arse you haven't.