Pandering to newbies

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

Not on your arse you haven't.

That's very true. My one regret in life is that my arse will never be mistaken for The Grateful Dead. Unlike yours.

[Dusty Gozongas]

you've already told once ffs, it's not a monkey.

See, this is what we've been missing for sooo long. Who said post a monkey was dull, eh?

[Nobody Soup]

Leukemia?

you would think, that is the child cancer of choice.

the correct answer was arm cancer (well it had a proper name but I've forgotten, if I was lying I would have bothered coming up with something a lot more plausible than this and less disfiguring), but it was a difficult time and I don't like to talk about it.

[CaledonianGonzo]

But enough about your arm cancer - how's your foreskin fitting?  Slightly too tight, would you say?

[Nobody Soup]

I guess, though I'm more of a 'my cocks too big' than a 'my foreskins too small' kinda guy.

[CaledonianGonzo]

Welcome, brother.

^{(The whole 'Chris Morris' thing is a front for The Society of Phimosis Sufferers of Great Britain)}

[biggytitbo]

Welcome, brother.

^{(The whole 'Chris Morris' thing is a front for The Society of Phimosis Sufferers of Great Britain)}

This guy is the head (snigger) of that organization.

[Nobody Soup]

that is good. I only joined so I could get into the member restricted parts of the site.

(of which there are none! but there normally would be on a forum thereby making that a really good joke, thanks admin)

[Kishi the Bad Lampshade]

Tortured puns that have a glimmer of brilliance that you just had to get in there even though they don't quite work?

Welcome home, my friend.

[Saucer51]

I'm going to set up a rival Daniel Kitson fan forum to poach all of Neil's posters.

It'll have none of this Karma bullshit and all the avatars will be of John LaZar.

Z-Man Barzell! We already have Baxter Wolf. How about this one:



With regard to questions for newbies, how about simply making them submit to a Rorsach ink blot test?

[weekender]

See, this is what we've been missing for sooo long. Who said post a monkey was dull, eh?

I didn't say it was dull, but I did say that it was a fucking shit and demeaning thing to ask a new person to do.  Or words to that effect.

I almost like the idea of an ink blot test thread though, it would allow personality to come through, which is what the monkey thing didn't.

[HappyTree]

Can you recite the entire Dr Johnson Blackadder episode by heart? (I can, almost!)

In the dark recesses of my memory still resides:

Spring is come with all its gentle showers. Methinks it's time to hack the prince to death. Whoooooah, let's kill the Prince. Who shall strike first? Let me, and with this dagger's point prick out his soft eyeball and sup with glee upon its exquisite jelly. Have you the stomach? I have not killed him yet sir, but when I do I shall have the stomach and the liver too. And the floppily-doppilies in their horrid glue. What if the servants should hear us in our plotting. Then we'll have servant sausages for tea, and servant rissoles shall our supper be.

I believe one of the criteria for getting into heaven is how much Blackadder you can remember.

[Dusty Gozongas]

I didn't say it was dull, but I did say that it was a fucking shit and demeaning thing to ask a new person to do.

And how their pitiful souls were smash'd upon the rocks of CaB. Bwbahah.

I almost like the idea of an ink blot test thread though, it would allow personality to come through, which is what the monkey thing didn't.

Dunno really. I always thought the ones who survived the terrible psychological ordeal often managed to say a lot about themselves by their choice of simian.

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

I recently acquired a copy of Dr. Johnson's 'the rambler' and couldnt help reading the whole thing in the voice of Robbie Coltrane. I think that has to count for something!

[Kapuscinski]

Possible questions:

Name
Fantasy name
Former CAB names: (obviously optional)
Location
Nearest celebrity
Favourite article of clothing
Favourite CAB poster
Favourite location for chilling out
Social media accounts:

[The Boston Crab]

Yeah, plus credit card details and home address.