LEGEND GARY PART TWO

[dex]

Gary is convinced he will win Crufts, despite it being over and him entering a badger he had trapped.

[Blue Jam]

Legend Gary applies for the Gladiators reboot "so I can batter Legend". He makes the auditions but gets out of breath after twelve seconds of Powerball.

[Glebe]

Gary demands Daz drink "the Toilet Water of Life" and become the "Dazatz Twaterach".

[shoulders]

Daz fails "Piece of Piss Mudder" that Gary has dug in his garden.

[shoulders]

Legend Gary gets a plastic hoop stuck around his neck.

[Bum Flaps]

Gary is looking forward to the end of Lent - no Stella for 40 days!
A tough challenge, but it's what British Jesus would have wanted, innit.

Right Dazzer, no rest for the wicked, we better crack on with these last few dozen slabs of Carling

[Bum Flaps]

Speaking of spending time in the wilderness...there was that one time when Gary tried going on walkabout. Luckily Daz was able to coax him home after it all started getting a bit too Raoul Moaty.

[Paul Calf]

Daz has diarrhoea. Gary has disconnected the toilet and had him barred from the local pub.

[king_tubby]

'Not that kind of Walkabout, Gary' exclaims Daz as he stumbles across Legend Gary in the Australian themed pub, necking stubbies of VB with Convict Bruce.

[Senior Baiano]

Gary rubs one out to a freeze-frame of Jenny Agutter, the only part of the film he's ever watched. "Something about aborigines? Dunno mate, prefer Crocodile Dundee- 'that's not a knife,' classic."

[Bum Flaps]

Gary stages an all-night vigil for Laurence Fox
Venue: Daz's driveway
Attendees: Gary, Daz, 'Fathers for' Justin, an actual fox
Refreshments: Glacier Mints, Bangers+Chips+legumes, Gin

[Glebe]

Gary has planted a suspect device in the Arndale Centre to celebrate St. Patrick's Day.

[Bum Flaps]

A FoI request reveals that the local council are spending an average of £350k per year dealing with 'Gary, and the effects of Gary'.
At the next meeting, ring-fenced funding for the new Gary Mitigation Unit is the only line in the budget that is approved unanimously by all councilors.

[Senior Baiano]

Unfortunately it means the library on the Jasmine Allen estate will have to close, these are the hard choices you have to make in local government

[Paul Calf]

"Why don't we just offer him 350 grand to fuck off somewhere else?"

[Bum Flaps]

"Why don't we just offer him 350 grand to fuck off somewhere else?"

We tried something like that back in 2014, but Gary immediately spent it all on Stella, St. George's flags, and an infinite subscription to Nuts magazine. And then he stayed put

[Glebe]

"What's it like out, Daz?"

"Very mild, Gary... think we're seeing the first signs of spring!"

"Don't be giving me this friendly weather chat, Daz. I don't like it."

"But you asked me what it was like out!"

"Yeah but you just say 'It's alright' or summit. You don't have to giving it all that soft chat. Gay."

[Glebe]

Gary declares his 'Gary's Bring Back Capital Punishment' campaign a "runaway success".

"Well at least you're passionate about something, Gary."

"You should have seen them, Daz! At least two people said they agreed with me in the precinct. My one-man protest is destined to make huge changes. I expect Rishi Sunak to bring it back any day now. Kill 'em all!"

[Glebe]

Gary is tired of Garying and so hides beneath the couch to recharge his batteries.

[Bum Flaps]

Gary has demolished a partition wall in order to fit in his new ultra-8k 92" widescreen quantum plasma TV (on tick from Techno Tim). However, Gary absolutely insists on SCART connections only, 'cos HDMI is for the wokies'.

[Glebe]

Gary has demolished a partition wall in order to fit in his new ultra-8k 92" widescreen quantum plasma TV (on tick from Techno Tim). However, Gary absolutely insists on SCART connections only, 'cos HDMI is for the wokies'.

"There's not a lot of 8K content available as yet, Gary."

"Fuck off Daz! You're just jealous! Now how do you connect the DVD player?"

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary gets bored of his namesake and dumps him in a layby: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-68656073

[Bum Flaps]

"There's not a lot of 8K content available as yet, Gary."

"Plenty of high res filth out there Dazmondo", grins Gary, "That'll keep us busy until they launch Dave-8k" 

[Glebe]

"Think of it Daz... Babestation in 8K!"

"You'll need the correct HDMI cables Gary, otherwise it won't be 8K."

"Fucking nerd! I'll 8K you in a minute y'geek!"

[Bum Flaps]

Daz, I've told you before, I'm not letting Bill Gates turn us bent with all that LGBQHDMI+ stuff. Now, let's have a shufti at these Bluerays I borrowed off Fragrant Kev. What do you want to watch first? The mountain cowboy one? The desert queen one, or the Freddy Mercury story? Failing that, we can always watch your Cocks!Cocks!Cocks! porno again.

[Glebe]

Gary gets bored of his namesake and dumps him in a layby: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-68656073

"Never mind Gary... the next van we break into is bound to have something valuable in it!

"Sniff... cheers Daz!"

[Glebe]

"Don't forget Daz, the cocks are going forward!"

"Don't you mean the clocks, Gary?"

Gary just smiles and nods 'no'.

[Glebe]

Gary and Daz are munching on Lindt choc bunnies when Daz suddenly admits that he always wanted to be a Lindt chocolatier.

"Fuck's sake Daz... I like chocolate but chocolate makers are all peedos."

"Goodness me, did I say I wanted to be a 'Lindt chocolatier'?! I meant I always wanted that, er, 'mint chocolate beer'! You know, the minty choc beer they must have!"

"Weak Daz. Weak. Pass the Mini Eggs."

[shoulders]

Legend Gary makes the Czech people change their language to English, and English sounding.

[Glebe]

Gary is doing his own version of Springwatch which involves lying on the local common drinking Stella.

"You pressed 'record' on your phone, Daz? Right. Fuck me, some spring this is turning out to be. Cold as fuck. Film that squirrel, Daz." *sups Stella*