worst opening lines

[dontpaintyourteeth]

War is stupid and people are stupid - Culture Club, The War is Stupid and People are Stupid Song

I drive a truck / it carries money - Stereophonics, Everyday I Think of Money

I don't believe in an interventionist god / but I know darling, that you do - Goth Elton

[jobotic]

Gary Barlow - Open Road

My life is extraordinary bare
I fought the fear and chased the pain
My life doesn't need to be explained
I chose to walk the line as one


Alright mate. You just pay your taxes and keep it down, yeah?

[Angst in my Pants]

I
I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins
Like dolphins can swim

[Video Game Fan 2000]

got a sweet black angel
got a pin up girl

[Minami Minegishi]

Look at this photograph...

Where mate?

[curiousoranges]

Do you ever feel
like a plastic bag?

[chip]

Look at this photograph...

Where mate?

I like the one that's like "Look at this... graph" and he's holding a graph.

[Deskbound Cunt]

'I don't believe in an interventionist God'

It's not the worst by any stretch but I'm hoping Stuart Maconie is reading this and getting wound up.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Shellac of North America
Catalogue number TG211 CD
Audio compact disc
44.1 kHz sample rate
16-bit word length
Samples represented in 2's-complement binary
8 to 14 expansion
Set reproducer for reference level
1000 hurts

Not a big fan of "the following tone is a reference tone" either.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

Elton John:

"Welcome to my Christmas song"

Actually I quite like it now that I've typed it out. It's polite, makes the listener feel like they've been invited into the studio. More bands should do that.

Welcome to my grindcore song

Welcome to my hip hop song

[SteveDave]

You got your H.P. Lovecraft
Your Edgar Allan Poe
You got your unkind of ravens
And your murder of crows
Catty eyelashes and your Dracula cape
Been flashing triple A passes
At the cemetery gates

My love for Arctic Monkeys knows no bounds but this makes me cringe every time I hear it. It is a b-side though so maybe it was a "That'll do..." sort of thing.

[BlodwynPig]

You've got some gumption,
At least that's my assumption,
Shove it!

[Magnum Valentino]

This is dedicated to you, Ben Stiller.

You are my favourite motherfucker.

I told you.

Didn't I?

[Minami Minegishi]

Oh, what an atmosphere

[Petey Pate]

"My name is Brian and I'm the man"

[Piles the Beaver]

I
I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins
Like dolphins can swim

Lucky that's not the opening lines then.

[Angst in my Pants]

Lucky that's not the opening lines then.

The single version opens with those though, doesn't it?

[curiousoranges]

Elton John:

"Welcome to my Christmas song"

Really annoys me that he also uses it as the first line of the second verse.

[non capisco]

"She lives in a house, she stupid as a mouse"
:- Suede, Savoir Faire

Generally pro-Suede as the 1993 TOTP repeats finally made me see the fuss as they came roaring out of the screen compared to most of the rest of the early 90s charts, but jeez-oh did they ever go off the boil later in the decade. All of the lyrics to the above song are beyond awful. "She cooking crack, giving us heart attack/And she living in a kooky show". Gotta love those kooky crack smokers, what whimsical antics will they get up to next?

[fit bird]

"MAUREEN!"

[Angst in my Pants]

Elton John:
"Welcome to my Christmas song"

Really annoys me that he also uses it as the first line of the second verse.

That's for the benefit of any latecomers; they aren't allowed in until the first verse has ended to avoid disturbing the other patrons.

[Deskbound Cunt]

This is a story, a very special story
It's about Brian Jones, one of the Rolling Stones

Godstar by Psychic TV is pretty piss poor. Good tune, mind.

[boki]

Gary Barlow - Open Road

The true horror is buried in the second verse.  Drowning in yer autocratic ways, are ya mate?  Well try to keep it down a bit.

Threw some chords together
The combination D-E-F

leas' def

[jobotic]

"MAUREEN!"

That should be in best opening lines.

If only the rest of that song wasn't such dogshit.

[twosclues]

Your butt is mine

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

Obligatory posting of the aforementioned MAUREEN

[jobotic]

Is that

Maureen!
It's cold
And not because the radiator's broken


Yeah it should be in this thread.

[Butchers Blind]

Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak
Somewhere in this town

-Thin Lizzy

[Pink Gregory]

Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak
Somewhere in this town

"What?  Here?"

[Kankurette]

I had a very bad dream
The main actor in it was me

Spoiler alert

It's the Manics. Quest for Ancient Colour.

[close]