Have we had a jokes thread in a while?

[Mr Banlon]

I went to a Native American healer

Spoiler alert

Turns out it was just a bunch of woo woo woo woo wooooo!

[close]

[T ørs ø]

You didn't set up that we are pals, and for that reason alone this otherwise spectacular joke misses the grade.

This is like getting heckled by Alan Sugar.

[T ørs ø]

Also our friendship is implicit by dint of the shared witnessing of an airborne compo event.

[shoulders]

Why did the umbrella salesman get refused service at Costa?

Because coffee's for clothiers.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

What medical affliction did Mike Patton suffer from after having his secondary anus removed?

Spoiler alert

Fantomas! (Phantom ass)

[close]

[PlanktonSideburns]

Taint no more

[PlanktonSideburns]

Mr bung-gone

[PlanktonSideburns]

Moonraker (featuring bucket head and dj flare)

[Vodkafone]

Which food makes you think of your father's penis?

Spoiler alert

Freud onions

[close]

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

What do you call a Norwegian black metal extremist who says 'apparently' a lot?

Spoiler alert

Scandi Arsons

[close]

[pancreas]

Did I mention, I'm completing the purchase for a place in Hampshire tomorrow?

Are you going to Andover?

No, my wife's picking up the keys.

[pancreas]

I need some advice on where to go in Canada.

Calgary?

I don't think he will be of any use.

[JaDanketies]

I went back in time to the Jurassic period to hide from 19th-century female novelists, but brontesaurus

[Glebe]

What will it say on the grave of HM King Charles?

Spoiler alert

I told you I was III.

[close]

Probably not in Irish though.

[Twonty Gostelow]

Is sex education in Merseyside schools known as Cum Ed?

[Clive Dogshit]

What did the dinosaurs die of?

Spoiler alert

Sores

[close]

[Glebe]

What 1980's American soap did dinosaurs watch?

Spoiler alert

They watched 'Dinosty' I believe (Dynasty)!

[close]

[The Mollusk]

Why did the empty email not go to the party?

Spoiler alert

Because it had (no body) to go with

[close]

[shoulders]

Did you hear about the sadistic French philosopher's daily routine?

Violence baguettes violence

[Artie Fufkin]

Did you hear about the man who folded trucks into tiny intricate shapes?

Spoiler alert

He was a lorrygamist

[close]

[Captain Z]

Where were the Chuckle Brothers from?

Spoiler alert

Chuckleslovakia

[close]

[Artie Fufkin]

Where were the Chuckle Brothers from?

Spoiler alert

Chuckleslovakia

[close]

Nice!

[KaraokeDragon]

Due to a traumatic experience, I'm going to have to stop attending my naturistic gardening classes down at the allotment - during my last session, a small parasitic creature made the leap from some unknown piece of vegetation to my person and became embedded in my right testicle, causing me immense pain and discomfort for a period of 7 days before I was able to remove it. This has caused me such upset, I now fear I may never garden in the nude again. You may feel I'm being overly dramatic but believe me when I tell you that

Spoiler alert

a week is a long time in bollock-ticks

[close]

[Fambo Number Mive]

I went back in time to the Jurassic period to hide from 19th-century female novelists, but brontesaurus

Love this.

[JaDanketies]

What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions? An algorithm.

_{I made this one up years ago but when I Google it I see it now exists elsewhere on the internet! immortality at last}

[Captain Z]

After the pub closed down, my friend re-trained as a shepherd.

He's a baa tender.

[Artie Fufkin]

After the pub closed down, my friend re-trained as a shepherd.

He's a baa tender.

Will he serve you a wee (d)ram?

[Vodkafone]

What should you never ask a Falun Gong person?

Have you ever been to a Harvester before?

[jobotic]

What do you say to an onion who has done well?

Spoiler alert

Well donion

[close]

[Captain Z]

Which dinosaur was the most intelligent?

Spoiler alert

Diplomadocus

[close]