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Desolation: The Malignant Seven

Started by Ferris, February 21, 2022, 03:00:48 PM

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Ferris


shoulders

A hairdresser of no fixed abode insists on the business name Mane of Hate

popcorn


madhair60

A Beano Book with every character's face aggressively scribbled out in biro

shoulders

Realising you have bits of miscarriage on you during a Lighthouse Family-filled waiting room. No taps to hand but it seems to come off with a lick.

touchingcloth

Starting a new deso thread is honestly the greatest thing you have achieved with your life.

pancreas

Your cunt father has died and left you a mansion in Hertfordshire but you don't find out about it because you lost your phone up your arse.

Twit 2

Bernard Matthews headhunts you to "Do something about these fucking giblets."

Glebe

Your Ellen DeGeneres fancy dress is not well received to say the very fucking least.

pancreas

Waking up on a ventilator, you come to the conclusion that smoking shredded plastic bags in your roll-ups is not a sustainable way to prevent marine pollution.

pancreas

'ANOTHER MILLIMETRE!' declares Mother.

And so you pay dearly for your latest raid of the Hobnob packet—with your foreskin as currency.

Spoon of Ploff

when the longevity of the desolation threads exceeds any close personal relationship you've ever had

the midnight watch baboon

COlin                  COlin

he goes to Miss Splashy's
in his eyes there's a twinkle
spends 300 quid
for a face full of tinkle

COlin
               COlin

The Bumlord

Sauntering down to Chop Chop Square hoping for some more wank bank material

Glebe

Boris Johnson murders some children live on telly, approval rating goes up. Then he buys a giant cake out of tax payers' money to celebrate welcome to the 21st Century.

Glebe

James Cordon does an enormous fart whilst addressing his fan club in a seedy LA dive.

shoulders

Not being able to get your daughter into an excellent school because of The Kerryman.

pancreas

South West Water condemns the contents of your rectum as 'unfit for human consumption'.

shoulders

Late to your dog's bris because of being clotheslined by a child you trapped in drying cement.

the midnight watch baboon

you are spit-roasted by mannequins outside the Colchester chapter of CEX.

bgmnts

Huel Dinner
Bereave The Queen
Charles Manson
Borscht In Waltz
Lame Cockburn
Hobbit Porn
Brad Dexter

Greg Torso

Mike Oldfield's "Tubular Bells 2022" is revealed to be his flaccid penis, struck once with a teaspoon as it rests on a cold tabletop.

Twit 2

Prince Charles gives a four-year-old Poundbury resident a Glasgow kiss.

Greg Torso

Tom Clancy, an arsehole tiled with teeth, fitted with a ski-mask and loaded blunderbus, walking through the night towards the MOBO awards.

Glebe

A town hall meeting descends into chaos during a discussion about the merits of Fray Bentos.

the midnight watch baboon

Verni K agrees to host "Tull Frottle," a cock-jousting tv show featuring the classic Jethro Tull line up.

Bob Carolgees is attached to joust.

the midnight watch baboon

Steve Punt takes a sideways look at your bish-bash-bosher.

buttgammon

Someone accuses you of being a nonce in the BTL comments section of every single article in the local paper's website going back for five years. You're really upset, not by the accusations but the fact that the accuser spelled your name wrong.

shoulders

Daniel Bedingfield arrives on moped to deliver your Greggs takeaway from the shop 80 metres away from your house. He knows no tip is coming, but he uses his motivational song Gotta Get Thru This to make it to the end of his shift.

Ferris

Spent mum's care home money on Robbie Williams NFTs.