Lanyards

[Cleveland Steamer]

Wear a lanyard do you mate, part of a select group who can use an oblong of plastic to get in and out of a building is it? Go all around with it on your neck, a little picture of you looking like a twat so everyone can see it yeah? Go on your lunch break to get a meal deal and your lanyard clatters against the self service screen, oops chuckle, just me lanyard there getting in the way, you see, I work in a building and it needs a special THING to GET IN IT. SEE. And yes I AM PROUD OF THAT.

[Shaxberd]

assuming a thing people do out of convenience/laziness is a brag is it mate

[shoulders]

I have a lanyard that allows me to enter any occupied toilet.

[Buelligan]

Never see one.  Month follows month, winter becomes spring, orchids appear, the cherries flower, summer follows, hot-foot, not a lanyard to be seen, even if your life depended on it.

If someone appeared in a lanyard, we would most likely retire behind the shutters and wait for them to leave.  We all know, they'd be up to no good.  And no good would come of it.

[popcorn]

I can complete any computer game, max difficulty

[Shaxberd]

Never see one.  Month follows month, winter becomes spring, the orchids appear, the cherries flower, summer follows, hot-foot, not a lanyard to be seen, even if your life depended on it.

Just for that I'm tempted to get someone to install a card operated access turnstile on your cave

[Cleveland Steamer]

Lanyards of shame, lanyards on display. Lanyards on parade. Acres of plastic fobs. Medals of honour. Badges of industry. LANYARDS.

[Cleveland Steamer]

Lanyard Act, playlisted by 6 Music.

[Vodkafone]

I wear a house brick on a lanyard, this gives me access to any building, also hench neck muscles.

[Zetetic]

Get told to wear a "VISITOR" one in various buildings on a regular basis.

"I'm sorry, I have a sensory impairment" seems to work as a rejection for now, but I'm worried that I'll eventually have to throw a different group under the bus for my own convenience and start hinting at trauma or something.

[dontpaintyourteeth]

have you ever noticed how shop workers wear name badges? proud of your little name are you mate

[Dex Sawash]

I wear a custard on a string, it's a

Spoiler alert

FLANYARD

[close]

[Cleveland Steamer]

Bye everyone, just going in this building, where I work. *beep!* tee hee, don't mind that, just me scanning my lanyard to get in! Well, see you later!

[dontpaintyourteeth]

ooh look at me I'm a builder I wear a hat so my skull doesn't get crushed by falling masonry. pathetic

[Buelligan]

Hoist by your own lanyard.  I believe Mossad does it to people over an office or other appropriate, door, puts an orange in their mouth, maybe some stockings and calls them a sex fiend. 

Like a sort of visit from Santa if it was an anagram.

[GoblinAhFuckScary]

this is my lanyard
there are many others like it but this one is mine

[Cuellar]

I recently became a #lanyardwanker and to pile indignity on indignity all the sensors on the doors are slightly too low meaning I have to do a little stoop every time.

[shiftwork2]

Back in the early days of lanyards I came up with Lanyard Class as a description of a polling demographic similar to Motorway Man or something like that.  But I rejected it because it was rubbish.

[Buelligan]

Sounds like a modern frigate.

[shiftwork2]

Precisely.  In the bin.

[Cleveland Steamer]

ooh look at me I'm a builder I wear a hat so my skull doesn't get crushed by falling masonry. pathetic

Yes but if you wear your hard(man)hat home on the bus you are surely a twat.

[Vodkafone]

Hiya employee mate, have a look at your photo on your lanyard - that's what you looked like before we turned you into a husk. Cheers mate.

[Buelligan]

Yes but if you wear your hard(man)hat home on the bus you are surely a twat.

Or incredibly sexy.

[Cleveland Steamer]

.

[Cleveland Steamer]

sorry, that was rubbish

[Cleveland Steamer]

Or incredibly sexy.

PHWOOOAAARRRURGHH

[Inspector Norse]

I do have a lanyard. Mainly keep it in my pocket and just surreptitiously BLIP it when I need to get in somewhere.

Also have a key which opens doors in quite a lot of different schools in the Stockholm area. Not entirely sure whose idea it was to install loads of doors with the exact same locks in school buildings all around the city, but I'm not complaining.

[Cleveland Steamer]

I do have a lanyard. Mainly keep it in my pocket and just surreptitiously BLIP it when I need to get in somewhere.

This is correct lanyard etiquette. Thank you.

[popcorn]

I have a HS Art lanyard

Needed to get into HS Art.

[Jack Shaftoe]

I love a lanyard. When I worked in Waterstones we used to wear a little black 'W' on a chain and it made me very happy, like I was a book cop. I used to fantasise about doing bookseller arrests on people in the shop who were just there to muck about.

I also used to have a little grey key fob for the Talkback offices in London years after I finished working for them and they never got round to rescinding it or taking me off the system or whatever. Whenever I was in central London I could pop in and use their lovely clean toilets, it was ace.