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March 28, 2024, 04:05:51 PM

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There will be loaves of Hovis harvested from your buttocks

Started by Replies From View, May 23, 2022, 08:36:23 PM

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Replies From View

UPDATE

Thank you for your enquiries regarding the future of your intensive buttock production regime.

Yes, correct - we will inject you with a flour compound so that both buttocks grow back at an approximately equal rate, and harvest the excesses of their growth on the final Thursday of every month before processing them into loaves of Hovis.

You asked how we know about your obsession with Hovis.  Well, during your vacation we confronted your mother about which bread is your favourite bread and she couldn't hold it back:  HOVIS HOVIS HOVIS HOVIS she said.  She invited us in to her home, she poured us tea and built jam coffins, and spilled every bean about your lifelong love affair with Hovis bread, your favourite bread. 

On that day she signed your buttocks over to us on your behalf, and told us you would be delighted to have your buttocks entered into an intensive production regime for the Hovis corporation.

We inform you that this has all been finalised and you no longer have any choice in the matter.

Regards,
Lionel Ricotto (Primary Hovis Superintendent)

Glebe

Actually it's Subway bread what's popular now. And all the 'pudlian jam butty mines have closed!

Replies From View

What's popular needn't change someone's personal favourite.  You of all people should understand this.

Glebe

I understand nothing. Literally nothing. And frankly I find your posture a bit off. Disgrace.

Replies From View

You know full well what it means to not abandon Murray Mints while your peers flock to Fishermen's Friends.

Glebe