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Desolation VI: The Covidian Wastes

Started by Shoulders?-Stomach!, June 02, 2020, 09:29:27 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Glebe

Figgis, your name is. Born in a coalmine.

Glebe


batwings

Pretty sure your midwife is Buster Bloodvessel with a plunger.

Mr Eggs

Massive crush on Dan Snow. Turn up to house. He's into it 'cos I'm working class bald and big, absolutely hammering in the anus on point of busting my muck fair up his arse and he turns round and says "Jon Snow is my first cousin once removed" and the Game of Thrones music floods in and I can't finish.

 

Glebe


Glebe

A bitter shepherd begrudges a sheep it's morning stream paddle.

Ferris

Following a successful plebiscite, your anus secedes.

Glebe

Prince Andrew uses Kevin Spacey to help clear his good name.

Glebe


batwings

A lonely gunman snipes up a conga line.

Glebe

Paul Hollywood calls y'bake "foetid".

pancreas

You realise you forgot to clean the cum out of the font last night just as you dip the baby's head into it.

Ferris

And it's the third time, everyone in the business knows what sticklers for the rules Mecca Bingo are.

Ferris


shoulders

Pollock of Bury wargames an auction for full ownership of a stucco frieze JJB Sports 1995 corporate logo.


shoulders

Hour after hour and after hour hundreds of Hays Travel employees gather to insist you are Mr. Stolid, the Nuisance Toiletries Egg.

turnstyle

You've promised your son that you'll play Mousetrap with him when he visits at the weekend, but on opening the game box you see that the rubber ball, needed to plummet into the bath and propel the diver into the tub, activating said eponymous trap, is missing.

Desperate for a replacement, you gouge out the synthetic testicle from your ball bag with a pair of nail clippers you got in a cracker at a Christmas work do down the legion.

He doesn't turn up in the end. Your ex-wife's partner, Steve, has taken him down the Laser Quest instead.

Cuellar

You go for a Fit To Fly PCR test and the man puts the swab down your tonsils but keeps going and climbs down your throat and takes up residence in your organs etc.

Ferris

Craig David hurls your mobility scooter into the sea.

shoulders

Quote from: Ferris on February 02, 2022, 11:10:01 PMCraig David hurls your mobility scooter into the sea.

'He is stronger than ever', you supinely opine, as you plunge neck first into the briny.

ElTwopo

'I see the Twilight Saga has just been added to Amazon Prime - that's my weekend sorted!'

Glebe

Your sole birthday present this year is a second-hand DVD copy of Rise of Skywalker.

DoesNotFollow


DoesNotFollow

Hm. You could have sworn you specified a picnic riddled with leeches as you watch your date stride away in disgust.

Glebe

"More birdseed sir?"

"Yes, after I have vomited up this lot."

dissolute ocelot

Your waffle iron is embossed with David Baddiel's face.

shoulders

Your skene's gland disagrees with you about the existence of squirting.

Twit 2


pancreas