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March 29, 2024, 09:40:27 AM

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Desolation: The Malignant Seven

Started by Ferris, February 21, 2022, 03:00:48 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

shoulders

After meeting some National Grid lads at a bear baiting you are permanently shunned after drunkenly declaring that leccy is for tossers.

Glebe

Rotten shitty greasy take away clogs an otherwise fine anus.

shiftwork2

A cellophane-wrapped croissant wilts in Euston Delice de France.

dex

Pulling a 40 year old scorcher then experiencing the taste of bad scampy when going down on her.

Ferris


Spoon of Ploff

you try to lose yourself down the back of the sofa


Catalogue of ills

Having failed to persuade the claustrophobic community of the benefits of Zorbing, you have resorted to more coercive methods.

pancreas

Your Zorb is hijacked by Somali pirates and the BBC reports that a spokesman for Priti Patel says 'she really doesn't give a shit, I'm afraid'.

shoulders

You call the Zorb you come in the most of, out of all the 70: 'Carvery'.

Twit 2

Your wedding vows are: "We're just woodlice, flailing on the rim of a frisbee."

Twit 2

You tell your mum your first feature will be a costume drama, "a mere soufflé," but it's Anal Holocaust 17, with coked-up abuse victims screaming into each other's cunts.

Twit 2

Made to work in Argos to appease your rapist neighbour.

shoulders

Your new trick to impress the locals is getting struck off the medical register.

shoulders


madhair60


shoulders

There isn't a mop. You lose anyway.

The Bumlord

An arc of hot seed spatters across a sad pensioner

derek stitt

Finding an album called 'DanielO Donnel sings Anal Cunt' in a charity shop.

Ferris

Breaking into a deceased woolworths to grieve over the empty pick and mix containers.

Glebe


shoulders

Your promissory note fails due to the lack of contrast between the off white flakes of toe skin and the plain white background of the notepad.

Glebe

Ah yes indeed, another shitty afternoon in Fucked Town!

Sherringford Hovis

Thinking you're Googling "why doesn't my bogey taste normal" but you've typed it into Amazon instead by accident. Plagued with ads hawking increasingly perverse quack-doctor apparatus for nasal problems by the malevolent algorithm for the rest of your life.

Glebe


batwings

You don't bother voting because your vote would only be cancelled out by your tape worm's.

6 part David Attenburough series exploring your fetid crevices. Tonight: Into The Skin Tag Forest.

An edit war on Jamie Theakston's Wikipedia page turns racist.




batwings

An escaped bastard violates you with a rusty town crier's bell.

Cuellar

You finally meet a nice ghost you can really imagine settling down with and it turns out it's racist

Catalogue of ills

Contrary to rumour, you do bathe regularly. Child's piss still counts, right?

Glebe

Dear me what a shitty Tuesday! And there's a nice diarrhea storm on the way, according to shitty weather reports!